


The In between

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Blood and Gore, Cliffhangers, Coma, Demons, Dimension Travel, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Mindfuck, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2018-11-15 08:52:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11227536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: An all out war seemed like the only solution until Rick and Negan get into a brutal fight where they almost beat each to death. They both fall into comas on the outside but 'wake up' in a place that neither of them knew existed.





	1. Comatose

**Author's Note:**

> 'the in between' is a place of my own creation, it's specifically a blend of different ideas.
> 
>  
> 
> enjoy the fucked up ride.

This was almost as bad as when the Governor beat the shit out of him and almost killed this whole family. When he watched Hershel die and almost saw Michonne receive the same fate. Only this time his home wasn't in ruins, he wasn't being separated from the people he loved and he didn't think Judith was dead. Right now he wouldn't be saved by Michonne because she was nowhere to be found.

 

 

Rick was pinned down to the ground and there was a slightly heavy weight straddling him, he felt the grip on his throat growing tighter until his vision was blurry. And all the strength left in him didn't seem like enough to get Negan off him even though his mind was dead set on it. Rick's life was starting to flash before his eyes from moments before the apocalypse to the good moments he's had post apocalypse. And he was almost ready to go. That was until his fist bunched up and he socked Negan in the face causing him to fall back. They were wrestling again, the rain was still pouring down, there was blood all over the place, one of Rick's eyes was swollen shut but he kept going.

 

 

Neither of them were at their full strength at this point so each punch, kick, or slap delivered wasn't as strong as it could be.

 

 

"Fucccck y-y-ou." Negan hissed through clenched teeth. "You're lucky I kept you around this long, mainly I wanted to look at that pretty face of yours for as long as i could. But you've become a god damn disappointment."

 

 

Rick laughed hoarsely at the pathetic attempt to break him. "This is over! If we both die this is over!"

 

  
"Don't fucking.." Negan punched the younger man in the mouth causing his lip to split again. "...pretend like you don't wanna screw me rather than kill me."

 

 

He kicked Rick in the stomach but not hard enough to make him fall over, it wouldn't be that hard to kill him now but Negan wanted to make this shit last. This is what punishment looked like and dishing it out tasted like warm apple fucking pie.

 

 

It was likely they would kill each other today yet he couldn't seem to care that much about it.

 

 

There was so much chaos going on right now from people firing at each other, random people were dropping dead but Rick's core group stayed strong somehow. Maybe it was because they were a bunch of bad asses or because they thought of each other as family. Possibly both. Which is why they weren't dying left and right like his soldiers. He always admired how ride or die the younger man was but the dying part was coming that was for fucking sure. Negan soon found himself on his back being punched so hard he could almost feel his lip swelling. It was then that he saw Rick's eyes darting back and forth like he was beginning to pass out.

 

 

"Can't think straight Ricky?" Negans voice sounded super strained now but he kept talking. "If I don't die I'll kill every last one of em, do you fucking hear me?"

 

 

Rick fell off him and there was a splash since the rain was still pouring down, forming puddles around them.

 

 

He wasn't going to bother killing the younger man because he looked like he was about to kick the bucket. Suddenly Negan felt himself fading out and his eyes were fluttering, before he could scream for help he landed right beside Rick.

 

 

All he saw was a blurry vision of their surroundings then darkness.

* * *

 

 

 "Oh my god! Rick!" Michonne yelled as she ran towards her lovers limp body. "We're the ones who live.. now wake up."

 

 

Carl retreated into Maggie's arms who held him tightly.

 

 

"He ain't gonna die, not on my watch." Daryl lifted Ricks body off the ground and held him up so he could carry him to the infirmary.

 

 

  
"What do we do with that piece of shit?" Maggie pointed towards Negan's body.

 

 

 

"Bring him to the cell that Morgan built." Carl suggested.

 

 

 

"I don't think so." Everyone turned to the right to find Arat, who happened to be one of the Saviors standing there with a gun. "If you think I'll let that happen, you're stupid."

 

 

Michonne drew her katana, "That's the only way he'll live, unless you want him to die as you make your way back to the Sanctuary."

 

 

 

"Fine." She grunted. "But if he dies I don't have to warn you of what happens after that."

 

* * *

 

 

Denise was checking on them both in the infirmary but she kept saying the whole situation looked very grim because they didn't have the medical supplies or anything to keep them both alive. Which was true they didn't have as many supplies as the Sanctuary or the Hilltop did.

 

 

"The chances of survival are low for the both of them right now, their bodies are in shock but from what I can tell there's no severe head injuries." Denise said wearily.

 

 

Michonne felt like she'd been punched in the stomach, "But Rick will wake up right? Right?"

 

 

"It's hard to say right now, Negan has a better chance of waking up than Rick does right now. I know none of you want to hear that but we don't know what happened when they were fighting. He still looks banged up but his pulse is a lot more steady for some reason. A simple way to put it is they are both in comatose states and its up to them to wake up."

 

 

No one said a thing for a few minutes as they stared at Rick's body and then Negan's. They both twitched a couple times but neither was waking up. Michonne couldn't bring Rick home so she stayed in the infirmary. And since leaving Negan in the cell would ensure his death they had to tend to him too. The group agreed that Arat had to leave and that if anyone came back to finish what was started they would be in for a rude awakening. She assured that no one else but her would be coming by to check on him since Simon was dead.

 

 

  
A couple hours went by and Michonne didn't sleep a wink, she kept staring at Rick's face, how his eye was swollen still, his face was covered in purple bruises. She began to cry so hard that her chest hurt, everything hurt. They had the discussion already about her going on if he died, but Michonne never really prepared herself.

 

 

"You know when I said that we're the ones who live I meant it. How is it that we survived so many things but you ended up like this. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you to fight the Saviors, this is my fault. And I'm so sorry Rick...truly sorry." Michonne sobbed. "Come back, I love you so please wake up."

 

 

  
No response.

 

 

  
She wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep, the rest of the family was laid out in his house like the first night in Alexandria.

 

 

The possibility of losing the one person who held them together was sickening. Losing Abraham and Glenn was enough but this was more prolonged. They really wouldn't be the same if Rick died.

 

* * *

 

Rick woke up in the same spot he'd passed out in and stretched his limbs, there was no pain, bumps or bruises on him.

 

 

How could that be when the fight with Negan just happened? He didn't see Michonne, Carl, Judith or anyone for that matter. It was quiet all around, the type where you get an eerie sense that something's wrong.

 

 

As he walked throughout the community Rick felt nervous and confused. Where was Negan? Did he die? Was he locked up somewhere? How come his right eye wasn't swollen shut? All these questions were going unanswered.

 

 

  
"Hello!? Is anyone here? Michonne! Carl!" Rick yelled before feeling pain in his head.

 

 

  
Rick's legs buckled moments later and Rick fell to the ground. And he was beginning to cough up blood profusely, there was pain in Rick's stomach so intense he almost preferred to die.

 

 

He felt his breathing start to slow down like he literally was dying and then he drifted away.

 

 

Rick was coming to consciousness again and there was a familiar voice singing, an angelic voice that over powered any other sound.

 

 

  
_Every man has a right to live_

_Love is all that we have to give_

_Together we struggle by your will to survive_

_And together we fight just to stay alive_

_Struggling man has got to move_

_Struggling man, no time to lose_

_You're a struggling man_

_And you've got to move on_

 

 

  
There was no way this was real, Beth was dead, she couldn't be standing in front of him singing with a guitar in hand. 

 

 

But there she was with her blonde hair and perky smile.

 

 

Though for some reason she was in the clothes she died in. He felt tears forming in his eyes thinking back to that day, the way her body was limp as Daryl carried her out. And the howling screams from Maggie.

 

 

"Sucks don't it?" Beth looked at him with a straight face and it wasn't wavering.

 

 

  
Rick scrunched his eyebrows, "What?"

 

 

  
"The moment you realize you don't know shit."

 

 

  
How could she quote what Negan said to him when she wasn't even there?

 

 

  
"You're wonderin' how I knew Negan said that, also you're wonderin' how I even know who Negan is for that matter." Beth smiled. " For starters I ain't Beth, I thought appearing to you in this form would lessen the shock. I was planning to appear as Glenn but this seemed more fitting"

 

 

  
"Where..What's goin' on?" Rick looked around at what appeared to be his home but clearly wasn't.

 

 

"That's a good question actually so I'll just give you a straight forward answer. You ain't dead, well, at least not yet but I guarantee this place will make you wish you were. Also don't bother tryna hide things from me, I can hear your thoughts whenever I like. " 

 

 

 

"I'm confused."

 

 

 

"Of course you would be, right now your spiritual body is here and it can die over and over and over again. And the pain will be very real like it was earlier when you collapsed."

 

 

 

Rick was in a state of shock and couldn't respond to any of that right now. There was a high possibility that he was alone, not that he wanted Negan there but it would be easier.

 

 

"Will I ever get out?" He asked her with a concerned tone in his voice, maybe this is where he'd be forever.

 

 

 

"Maybe, depends on if you're meant to. Right now your physical body is back at home, Negan is in the same state as you and he's here too."

 

 

 

"Who are you? If you ain't Beth then who are you?" Rick asked angrily.

 

 

"I would watch your tone with me and I'm a demon. One whose in charge of this place for that matter. And wow it's been boring lately, people end up passin' through here but don't stay long. "

 

 

 

"What's this place called?"

 

 

 

She held his gaze strongly, "This is the 'in-between'.. a sort of hell dimension. Yes, those exist. It ain't hell obviously but the creatures you didn't think existed, they are real."

 

 

Rick had to be strong like he always was in the face of disaster but this was a whole new type of shit storm.

 

 

The decision to try to take down Negan was never smart, it wasn't something he had been confident about. But he swallowed the fear that cut him like razor blades and went to war. He gathered up both soldiers from the Hilltop and the Kingdom, they had a solid group of group but that didn't matter in the end.

 

 

When he rubbed his eyes for a moment he saw that "Beth" was gone and the scenery had changed. Rick was in the forest that he met Negan for the first time. The breath left his lungs for a moment as he started to think about that night, the trauma they all experienced.

 

 

Negan was a wolf in the night who killed people with a barb wired baseball bat.

 

 

Maybe Rick had always been living on borrowed time, he woke up from a coma once before but this time around that might not happen. If he died like this he’d be leaving his family behind, they would be out of the Saviors grip for the most part. Everything unraveled from there. He was trying to figure out if this was his punishment for everything shitty he’d done.

 

 

Rick could see the RV was in the exact place it was that night, could it be possible that Negan was inside it?

 

* * *

 

 

 

Negan's breathing was irregular like he was taking a deep breath and then he couldn’t breathe.

 

 

It seemed like anxiety but it’s like every time he’d closed his eyes he was dying. Over and fucking over again. Negan was on the floor of that piece of shit RV that Rick owned. He remembered how hard it was to start the damn thing.

 

 

All of a sudden he heard something like an ax going through a table. Negan's eyes averted upwards and he was looking straight at Rick. Who was smiling at him, looking like a hungry lion.

 

 

“I’m gonna kill you.” Rick chuckled.

 

 

Negan's eyes went wide, “What the literal fuck?”

 

 

Where in the hell was he and why was Rick acting like this? If this was some sort of dream then he needed to wake up right the fuck now.

 

 

Rick was suddenly suddenly right in front of him, kneeling down so they were looking right in each others eyes. His blue eyes were glittering rather than glaring.

 

 

“And nothin’ is gonna change that.. or is there?”

 

 

Just when Negan was going to say something he felt lips attacking his own and if he was being honest it wasn't bothering him. He'd been wanting to kiss Rick for the longest time, whether or not this was a dream he was enjoying this shit. Soon a metallic taste was dripping inside his mouth from Ricks lips. For a moment it was kind of kinky but he heard chuckling.

 

 

 

"You really want him don't you? I'm lookin' inside your head right now, it's filled with such dirty thoughts for him. Can't say I didn't enjoy our little tongue battle myself."

 

 

 

Negan was taken aback for a second at least, "What the fuck are you talking about, Rick?"

 

 

 

He looked at the younger man and what used to be blue eyes turned into black, completely black.

 

 

 

Negan scrambled backwards with fear.

 

 

 

"Your reaction is a bit more cowardice than Ricks was, I mean he was all questions but you - you're different."

 

 

 

"Seriously who the fuck are you? And why do you look like Rick?" Negan groaned, he tried to get up from the RV floor but was kicked back down again.

 

 

 

"Since I know you're a straight forward person I'll just cut to the chase. You and Rick are hanging between life and death, right now your physical body is in a comatose state. But you're here until a decision is made on whether you live or not. And as for me well I'm a demon, the reason I approached you as Rick is 'cause that's who you wanted to see."

 

 

 

"You didn't tell me what your name was?" Negans curiosity was severely peaked now.

 

 

 

"In due time."

 

 

The demon's voice sounded just like Rick but it was all just a cheap imitation to keep him in check. Negan had so many more questions to ask but today or whatever wasn't the time for that. What he needed to do is find Rick and figure out how to survive together.

 

 

He forced himself off the floor in the RV and opened the door to the same night he'd met Rick. It was like breathing familiar air but at the same time this wasn't the same place.

 

 

Negans boots scraped across the gravel, his hands were a bit shaky but he kept himself calm for the most part. He figured this would be traumatizing for Rick to relive, while for him it wasn't. There hadn't been a single night where he couldn't sleep and fucking sound or screw one of his wives. Killing people was the easiest thing for him especially when the asshole deserved it. Granted the second death didn't need to happen that night but lessons had to be fucking learned. And now he was apparently not hanging on in the regular world by much. It was surprising they didn't just kill him already, why let him circle the drain or whatever the fuck? Didn't Alexandria and all the other communities hate his guts?

 

 

Since the demon didn't explain to him what the name of this place was he'd find out for himself or better yet get Rick to tell him. Negan walked around the whole area but didn't find Rick anywhere, not in the direct vicinity at least and obviously there were no maps.

 

 

Last resort was calling out for him which might attract something a lot worse than Rick Grimes.

 

 

Right on time there was Rick who looked puzzled but he was a little ways from the area. A ringing started rattling Negans eardrums and he could almost pass out from the sound. It was violent, loud and obnoxious, like himself. He slowly crept up towards the younger man who somehow didn't notice him. Sort of seemed like he literally couldn't see him. There he was right up in Ricks face but there was no response, in fact he kept looking past him. That was until Negan was pushed forwards sending them both to the ground.

 

 

"Get the hell off me, Negan."

 

 

Negan held his hands up pretending to surrender, "Fuck sakes, I didn't mean to. Not that landing on top of you is a terrible thing."

 

 

"You're disgustin' " Rick scoffed.

 

 

He loved bashing against that delicate cage that Rick surrounded himself in to tolerate his presence. Pissing people off was a specialty for Negan even in the old world, now he was more unhinged. More chaotic like a thunderous storm tearing down trees, but instead of trees it was people.

 

 

"This is fucking pi-ti-ful.. you and me are stuck in whatever the fuck this place is and -"

 

 

"The in between. " Rick interrupted.

 

 

"Excuse me, what?"

 

 

Rick rolled his eyes having to repeat himself, "That's what this place is called, that's what Beth - I mean whatever the demons name is told me."

 

 

  
For a moment they stood there staring at each other until Negan started barking with laughter.

 

  
It took everything inside Rick to not bash the other mans head in, to watch as he was reduced to nothing. But he wasn't up for being alone in some hell dimension. And Negan wouldn't really die anyway They had to get home somehow whether it meant pleading with that demon or whatever could get them out. Their bodies were still alive and kicking at least and there was no time stamp. At least none that Rick knew of.

 

 

Each passing moment felt like eternity in there so getting out was the main objective. As much as he hated that he was stuck in some place with Negan, it made him feel less scared. Whether it was the older mans towering body or something else, he was useful. A piece of murderous shit but useful nonetheless.

 

 

Rick hated Negan with full force but it came in waves, sometimes it was so relentless, other times it crashed against his feet lightly.

 

 

"That's fucking lame." Negan wiped at tear from his eyes. "Jesus Christ who came up with that name?"

 

 

Ricks patience was wearing extremely thin, his jaw was clenched hard. "Who cares?"

 

 

"I don't give a fuck but it's still lame. Any fucking way, what happens next?"

 

 

"How should I know?" Rick responded.

 

 

Negan guffawed, " No need to be a sassy ass mother fucker, Rick."

 

 

A quick punch was delivered to Negans jaw that caused him to stumble backwards. The look on his face was a blend of agitation and confusion.

 

 

  
“Can you shut the hell up for a few minutes so I can think?” Rick growled.

 

 

  
Negan flashed a stupid grin, “Sure thing prick.”

 

 

 

“Do you take anythin' seriously?”

 

 

"Sometimes but you know me Ricky." Negan raised his eyebrows suggestively.

 

 

"Let's not pretend this is anythin' other than a sick joke..I don't wanna be here with you."

 

 

Negan shrugged, "Okay gorgeous."

 

 

Standing around wasn't helping them and Rick literally had no desire to relive one of the worst nights possible. They began walking through the woods, standing as close as they could tolerate. Getting lost in this place would probably be a stupid move. Rick kept his eyes wide open, paying attention to every detail, and when that demon mentioned creatures that left a sting of fear. And he didn't get the sense that she was lying about any of it.

 

 

Negan needed to make small talk otherwise they'd be walking through a dark forest awkwardly without talking. And who knows how long they'd be stuck there. "We should find some place to hole up."

 

 

"Where do you suppose we stay? We don't know what's round the corner, if things worse than walkers will find us."

 

 

"Oh my fucking god." Negan rolled his eyes. "Walking around aimlessly won't make us any fucking safer."

 

 

"Fine we can do that but don't think that I'm just gonna listen to every little suggestion you have."

 

 

They wound up finding a house to crash in for the night but since this was a hell dimension there was likely something inside. With no weapons and no knowledge on how to kill anything they were fucked. Negan signaled for Rick to check one part of house while he checked the other. That was the simplest way to ensure their safety. He didn’t notice anything as he walked past various rooms, ones he didn’t plan on opening. Funny thing was Negan loved horror movies in the old world with Lucille. But ever since the apocalypse the world was a constant horror movie and this wasn’t any fucking better.

 

  
In their world dealing with walkers everyday was the normal or crazy ass people in some cases. The world had brought out the worst in people, the shit they may have kept inside until the end hit. But Negan didn’t see himself that way. In fact he always knew he was capable of crazy shit. Maybe not naming a baseball bat after his dead wife but you know. Everything seemed to be clear on his end of the house and whether or not Rick liked it he wasn’t sleeping alone. Negan walked back to the spot they were in before they split up and saw Rick, just sitting there.

 

  
“My end was clear, no crazy shit like vampires or whatever the hell.” Negan chuckled lightly at his own words.

 

 

  
“She said all the creatures that we didn’t think existed do exist.”

 

 

  
Negan rubbed his stubble, “I guess we’ll see soon enough huh gorgeous?”

 

 

  
“Why do you always call me that?” Rick glared with extreme intensity. 

 

 

  
“Gorgeous?”

 

 

  
“Yes that, you asshole.”

 

 

  
Negan whistled loudly and looked right at him like he was being unreasonable. “Goddamn you just hate my fucking guts don’t you?”

 

 

  
“What the fuck do you think?”

 

 

  
“I think you need to get that stick out of your ass.”

 

 

  
Rick shot him a glare, “You’re unbelievable.”

 

 

  
Having to put up with Negan in the regular world was enough from Rick being forced to follow him around the community. Or having to carry Lucille. Or the looming disaster that was the Saviors.

 

 

  
“Not really darling, you hate me but you know exactly who I am already.”

 

 

  
“A murderer.” Rick deadpanned.

 

  
“Oh fuck off. What because I murdered two of your people? This family you swear you’d die for? You killed how many of my god damn people, in their fucking sleep at that and I’m the monster?”

 

  
“Yes ‘cause I don’t get off on it.”

  

  
“Whatever, I know why you did that. You’re attracted to me and well… I can’t fucking blame you. I’d gladly bend you over and give it you by the way. Offer's on the table here and back in our world.”

 

 

  
Rick gave him a look of disgust, “That’ll never happen.”

 

  
“Are you homophobic or some shit? Or is it just me wanting to bone here?'

 

 

“I ain’t homophobic so yeah, its just you.”

 

 

  
Negan faked being offended, “Ouch that hurt my fucking heart.”

 

 

  
“Didn’t know you had one.”

 

 

Somehow Negan was able to pass out in this dark and not to mention dank smelling house. There was no way in hell that Rick could sleep but he wasn’t feeling groggy at all. He didn’t know if it was because this wasn’t a normal plane of existence or what but he had no need to sleep. And had almost no desire to eat anything.

 

  
A bit of time went by and then the house was beginning to shake, Negan woke up immediately.

 

 

They were panicked because it meant staying in the place wasn’t an option for much longer. Rick pulled the older man to his feet so they could scramble to the door. Blood was starting to come out of the ceiling and trailed down the walls.

 

 

  
Rick practically flung himself to the ground to get out quick enough and Negan followed suit. The house soon collapsed into itself and there was no wreckage. Almost as if the house didn’t exist in the first place.

 

 

  
He dusted off his brown coat that smelled of blood now, the smell was strong in Ricks nose.

 

 

“What the fuck was that ?!” Negan yelled and stared down at the rips in his grey jeans. “Of fucking course.”

 

 

  
“All you care 'bout is your stupid ass pants?”

 

 

Negan fingered him and responded back, “These are the only clothes either of us have got to wear so obviously.”

 

 

  
“You always wore the same damn outfits anyways so that makes sense I guess.” Rick teased, knowing it would bother the shit out of him.

 

 

  
“Are we flirting right now or what?” Negan licked his teeth. “Seems like it.”

 

 

  
“No.”

 

 

  
“Did I hit a nerve or what?”

 

 

  
Before Rick could find a good retort to that a noise rustled from the bushes close by. And thus emerged a weird looking creature who had abnormaly long limbs, it was a pale color with blood covering its face.

 

 

  
“Let’s get the fuck outta here, Rick.”

 

 

  
Rick felt like he was stuck in place until he was being pushed in the opposite direction. And then they were running for their lives.

 

 

* * *

 

“What’s happening?!” Michonne asked Denise.

 

  
“I-I don’t know, usually coma patients don’t shake like that.” Denise answered nervously.

 

  
“Do something, please.” Michonne couldn’t handle watching him shake so profusely, he was almost foaming at the mouth.

 

  
“I can’t give him a sedative he’s already in a coma. Whatever is happening he has to ride it out.”

 

  
They both watched him shake so intensely like he was experiencing a seizure and then he stopped.

 

 

Michonne sat by his bedside again, holding onto Rick's hand tightly. “I’m here, if you can hear me then I’m here Rick."

 

* * *

 

Rick couldn’t quite figure out how long they’d been running from that monster but the scenery had changed into a sunny day. The sun was beaming down on both of them. It was blazing hot like a normal day at home. Rick took off his jacket and wrapped it around his waist. He saw Negan wasn’t removing his coat and he rolled his eyes. Did the man have to wear that damn thing every single day?

 

  
“Why do you wear that everyday?”

 

  
Negans looked down to the ground like that was a touchy subject. “I don’t know.”

 

 

 The truth was - Negan really didn't know why he wore it everyday. But he sure as hell wasn’t going to get into some sappy as fuck conversation right now.

 

 

  
"I guess that demon wasn't lying when she said creatures existed. W-what the hell was that?" Rick looked around with a terrified expression on his face. 

 

 

 

"A wendigo." Negan answered plainly.

 

 

 

Rick scrunched his eyebrows," A what?"

 

 

 

"Do you know anything Rick, I mean seriously? It's apart of Native American folklore a creature that's cannibalistic and brutal. It eats human beings."

 

 

 

"What's next ? Vampires? Werewolves?" Rick said baffled.

 

 

 

"Maybe I wouldn't rule that shit out."

 

 

 

"What do we do now?"

 

 

 

Asking Negan for help or advice was never in a million years what Rick thought he would do but here he was.

 

 

 

Negan started walking forwards and looked over his shoulder at the other man. "We run and try not to die over and over again."

 


	2. Die and Die Again

Truly dying would be better than this.

 

  
They had been running for what felt like days and it was likely longer than that in their world. And Rick didn't want to do it anymore because the point was lost to him. What if the demon was keeping them around for kicks? Maybe suffering was the whole point to this whole ordeal. Rick had a pulsating head ache that was making him want to puke which strangely Negan kept winching at the same time. It was like every time he experienced pain Negan felt it as well. He wasn't ruling out the possibility that somehow they were connected right now.

 

  
At one point Rick had gotten a slight glimpse of whatever was hunting them, the creature looked human but with blood all over its mouth. Not many things really scared him anymore because he lived in a world where the dead walked. But that creature (which might have been a vampire) caused fear to curdle inside of him.

 

 

And just like back at home he couldn't afford to be overwhelmed with fear of anyone or anything. Fighting. Surviving. That was what Rick had been about for the past few years of his since since the apocalypse hit and he woke up in an abandoned hospital.

 

 

Over the past few days Rick could almost hear Michonne talking to him, like she was literally whispering in his ear. And it wasn't conversations they'd had before. Everything in this dimension was fucked up so Rick didn't know whether or not to trust it.

 

 

  
While they started to run deeper into what seemed like an endless forest Negan fell forwards and it caused Rick to topple over him. For some reason they started to roll down a hill that turned into dead grass with dried blood.

 

 

Once they skidded to the bottom Rick began hitting the ground angrily, he had reached his damn quota with everything and the funny part was he didn't think he'd be the one to crack first.

 

 

"I can't... I can't.." Rick repeated.

 

 

Both of Negans eyebrows raised in confusion, "What the fuck's wrong now?"

 

 

"What do you mean what's wrong? We've been runnin' for days, that thing barely slowed down."

 

 

"Rick, we. can't. stop." Negan said. "Don't be a fucking baby, our situation sucks yeah, but if either of us go down.. we both go down."

 

 

"Now you're bein' dramatic." Rick rolled his eyes.

 

 

"Actually no I don't think I am. That headache you've been wincing over lately I have the same fucking one. If one of us 'dies' we both do."

 

 

"He's right, slowin' down would be stupid and you had better luck picking a turd up by its clean end "

 

 

  
Both of them rolled their eyes at the same time because the demon was now appearing as Abraham. And it was terribly ironic for Negan and painful for Rick.

 

 

Negan held his stance, "You here to kill us officially?"

 

 

"Nope partner. I'm here to give a heads up." The demon smirked.

 

 

"About what?" Rick asked.

 

  
"That you sons of dicks are headed for death.. not the real thing but you know that already."

 

 

"Great. That's just fucking great." Negan exclaimed.

 

 

"What's coming for us next?"

 

 

The demon shrugged and winked at Rick specifically, while it looked like Abraham the mannerisms were all wrong. Before Rick could ask one last question the demon disappeared.

 

 

"Whatever that mother fuckers name is they sure are annoying as fucking shit." Negan chuckled.

 

 

"Do you even care?"

 

 

"What now, Ricky?"

 

 

Rick pinched the bridge of his nose, "Who the demon appeared as this time?"

 

 

"What the hell do you want me to say?" Negan was giving him a look. "Want me to cry over spilled fucking milk?"

 

 

"You're such a piece of shit.. let's go." 

 

 

They walked all over the place trying to find shelter and stumbled upon yet another house that wasn't collapsing into itself. Hopefully this wouldn't end the same as the last time. Negan twisted the door knob and the door opened slowly, the creaking sound was eerie. He was the first to enter the house to make sure it was safe for the both of them.

 

 

It felt weird that he even cared whether or not Rick was safe, they weren't together, they weren't buddies either.

 

 

"I think it's all good in here.. we'll have to check every room of course but I need to lay down."

 

 

Rick just nodded in response then stepped inside, the house looked very out dated, the wallpaper was pealing off the walls and the stairs looked like they would cave in. Keeping his eyes open was the only thing he could do. Outside of that everything was really out of Ricks control. And he'd been used to having a hold on situations other than the one he used to have with the Saviors.

 

 

Once again they checked the house out but did it together rather than separately. Negan walked behind him pretty closely that it caused Rick to shiver a little bit. He didn't even get why his body had that reaction. It could be chalked up to the attraction that exists between them or just being too close to the man made him uncomfortable. Possibly a combination of both.

 

 

His eyes scanned the dirty old rooms that had nothing in them which wasn't all that strange because this wasn't a normal place. The air was cold, bitter, almost uncomfortable, like the middle of winter. Rick kept glancing at Negan when he wasn't paying attention, the older man was caught in daze seemingly. It started to remind Rick of how everyone dealt with chaos so differently, avoidance was a big thing for many people. Sometimes it was easier to pretend a situation or a person for that matter didn't exist, didn't have any hold on you. When the reality is they probably did otherwise you wouldn't constantly run from them or hide from the obvious. And then the strangest thing happened they locked eyes and the hatred wasn't beaming.

 

 

There was nothing but softness, the type he never imagined to see from a man like Negan. Which all changed as soon as he licked his lips at him.

 

 

"Checking me out, Rick?"

 

 

Rick scoffed at him, "No."

 

 

"Sure looked like you fucking were. C'mon just admit you got a hard on for the bad guy." Negans laugh was low and menacing this time. "Or are you gonna be a little bitch and pretend there's no sparks between us."

 

  
"I don't want you."

 

  
"Sure you don't.. just like I don't want a cold stiff drink right now."

 

  
This would only go around and around in circles so Rick decided to let the conversation die or at least attempt at that.

 

 

As for Negan he continued to babble on about the power of temptation, how even the best people can throw everything out the window in one singular moment. And Ricked hoped that would never happen between thing. He would be too damn ashamed of himself, for several reasons.

 

 

Negan clicked his tongue to break the silence, "Fuck I don't think I can sleep..which by the way  have either of us even done so since we ended up here?"

 

 

 

"No." Rick deadpanned. "I don't feel tired but I wanna sleep to get away from this hellhole."

 

 

Some sounds were coming from the outside of the room they were sitting in, outside it was really dark so whatever was in there was stealth like a cat.

 

 

Rick got to his feet quickly while Negan sat on the ground. There was no time for stupidity and it was a possibility that jumping out the window would have to happen. Breaking a few bones would be better than whatever was coming.

 

 

A moment later the door swung open with a mighty force and in walked the demon who was posing as Rick this time. It unnerved him obviously to see himself with black eyes and a totally different outfit than he'd wear. The demon had on an all black ensemble, its smile was sinister and almost hypnotizing.

 

 

"Y'know I initially planned to appear as Michonne but this seemed more hilarious." The demon teased.

 

 

"What the hell do you want?" Negan groaned.

 

 

"Now now let's not be rude 'cause I got no problem rippin' out your vocal chords. Anyways I'm just here to tell you that somethin' is on its way here."

 

 

Usually this was the part where Negan would have a witty retort but testing something that was way more powerful than him was stupid as shit. So he kept silent.

 

 

"What? What's hunting us?" Rick asked.

 

 

"A hell hound..unless you're stupid which you very well may be..." The demon winked at Negan. "..then that will be self explanatory to you."

 

 

The demon smiled, "Yeah, in case you forgot I can hear all those desperate thoughts right now. How scared you are and how you've caught on that when one of you dies, the other experiences the same pain."

 

 

Negan stared on unimpressed and frankly tired of all this bullshit. He didn't care how it happened he just wanted it to be over with already.

* * *

 

 

"It's been two weeks already why the hell can't Rick just wake up? He's been through shit worse than this." Daryl grunted.

 

 

"Denise explained that it varies for comatose patients.. he could wake up any day or never wake up. We just don't know and how he's survived without proper medical care is .. " Michonne couldn't find her words for some reason, maybe it was the stress getting to her.

 

 

  
"A miracle?" Maggie said.

 

 

"That's the right word."

 

 

Carl was holding Judith in his arms, she was fussing and squirming but he was able to calm her down like usual. Thinking about his dad being in a coma was just as bad as looking at him unconscious. It reminded him of when they got separated from everyone at the prison after the Governor fucked everything up. Only this was worse because he really might die this time.

 

 

"What do we do with Negan? If he wakes up before Rick does? We can't kill him 'cause then we'll have another war on our hands." Maggie sucked in her breath and looked at the others who were just as stumped.

 

 

"We'll just lock his ass up, throw away the damn key." Daryl said.

 

 

Michonne nodded along, "I think we all agree that he'll go straight into that cell, no if, ands or buts. Someone will have to explain that to Rosita.."

 

 

"What will you have to explain to me?" Rosita walked into the room alongside Tara who was standing really close by.

 

 

"That we can't kill Negan if he wakes up."

 

 

"Why not?" Rosita snapped. "This asshole killed Glenn, Abraham and almost killed Rick and we're debating whether he lives or not?"

 

 

She pulled out her knife while pushing past everyone to walk over to where Negan was laying in the infirmary. Before she could plunge the knife deep into the front of his skull Daryl grabbed her wrist quickly.

 

 

Tension was at crazy high right now and it was hanging in the room.

 

 

"Get off me! He needs to die!" She growled before ripping her arm away. "This is bullshit."

 

 

Rosita stormed out of the room leaving the group feeling worse than they had before she entered. No one was going to blame her for having such strong emotions, everyone did. But that didn't mean killing Negan would solve their problems because they would just create more by doing so.

 

 

"Everyone just give her some space." Michonne said.

 

 

"I think we should keep ourselves busy in the mean time, maybe heading over to the Hilltop to get some fresh food is a good idea." Maggie suggested.

 

 

Everyone left the infirmary for a couple of hours to do just that but Michonne was nervous about doing so for some reason.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Maybe.. or maybe not." The demon hummed. "But don't tell me youi get no pleasure out of the sight of two Ricks."

 

  
Rick retreated into himself with a loud sigh.

 

  
"He's well aware of how badly I wanna go to pound town with him so this mission to embarrass me sucks."

 

 

It wasn't just Negan's choice of words but him being that blatant about it wasn't surprising, but at the same time it made him grimace. The only way that would happen is by force. "Good luck on that. I already said I don't want you." Rick mumbled under his breath.

 

 

The demon was looking into his eyes from across the room with a knowing look but didn't push it any further. Now wasn't the time nor the place to have a discussion like this. Being torn to shreds was the only thing on Rick's mind, how it would feel and if it would last long.

 

 

Then the door of the room was being hit with an aggressive force but Rick couldn't see anything underneath the crack. Nothing was there. At least not anything he could see with his own eyes. He instinctively went to grab his Colt Python from his jeans but it wasn't there. Negan was staring at the door a little more intensely for some reason which made him wonder if he could see anything.

 

  
"Can you see it?" Rick asked nervously. "Is there somethin' actually there?"

 

 

"Yes it's fucking there and god damn it's paws are huge. Not to mention its claws." Negan's voice was strained.

 

 

"How come you can see it but I can't?"

 

 

  
"The reason for that is 'cause hes gonna be the one who gets ripped apart while you experience it second hand." Ash said before flinging Rick across the room with a flick of his finger.

 

 

Rick was suspended in the air against the wall and couldn't move any part of his body but his face. And he watched on as Negan rushed towards the window to jump out of it then the door flung open.

 

 

"Oh my fucking god." Negan screamed.

 

 

And that was the last thing he said before being dragged across the room by a huge dog that looked so freaky he almost pissed himself. Its teeth were digging into his arm and blood was drawing in long drops. Negan felt like fainting  but that wouldn't erase how he was going to die brutally right now. The hell hound clawed along his leg but dragged it so his flesh was ripping open. Then Negan watched in shock as the hound took a large chunk out of his leg. His screams were blending in with Rick's scream because he was feeling the exact thing. Its claws were tearing into him so deep that the pain seared throughout his whole body. And there he was being torn into like a damn steak, he could barely feel his legs at this point and wanting it to be was an understatement.

 

 

Crimson was decorating his white t-shirt extremely and he gurgled blood as the hound tore open his chest with abandon, Negan shook a little bit before his ragged breath stopped.

 

 

 

An hour later once Negan woke up his hazel eyes were staring at Rick's face, his full bottom lip was quivering like he was turned on or scared. Either way was hot as fuck. He felt a hand brush against his own and it was the touch he'd been craving for a while.

 

 

"That was painful wasn't it?" Rick croaked. "It hurt the worst when it tore into your chest.. I could just barely see how my body was bein' ripped open."

 

 

Negan relished in this soft moment they were experiencing because it wouldn't happen again. "We're okay now, until we get ripped the fuck apart again."

 

 

"How scary lookin' was it?"

 

 

"Very. Its teeth were sharp and it was so fucking huge like an over sized dog."

 

 

"Don't even bring this up again." Rick said before moving his hand along Negan's arm slowly.

 

 

"Not that I mind but what the fuck are you doing?"

 

 

"Shh." Rick turned him over to his back and got on top of him, straddling his waist. "I need to escape this nightmare and I fucking hate you but I think we both deserve an escape."

 

 

Negan moaned as the younger man rocked against him even with their clothes on it was hot. And his dick was hardening just by the friction and thoughts of fucking up into him ruthlessly.

 

 

The younger man leaned down so that his lips were rubbing against his neck and Negan couldn't help but shake from the contact.

 

 

"You like this? Hmm?" Rick moaned obnoxiously.

 

 

"Fuck yeah, Rick. I do."

 

 

Rick started chuckling darkly, "You're fuckin' pathetic.. I mean you almost came in your pants and I didn't have to take my clothes off. Imagine Rick's disappointment once he realizes you don't last that long."

 

 

"Get the fuck off me." Negan growled before pulling himself from underneath.

 

 

"Woah, easy there." Ash cooed. "Wouldn't want me to actually hurt you or would you?"

 

 

Negan tried scrambling to his feet but there was a force way too strong causing him to fall back on the ground, his legs set firmly against the linoleum floor.

 

 

"You know if I wanted I could make your brain burst with every orgasm I rock out of you." Ash circled him a couple times admiring the sight.

 

 

"Where's Rick?" Negan asked breathlessly.

 

 

"He's downstairs, question is why do you actually care? You've ruined his life, tried to kill the rest of the people he loves and he hates you. So why do you care?"

 

 

Why did he actually care about Rick's welfare right now, he knew why he enjoyed having Rick on top of him even though it wasn't him. Negan touched along his body but all of the wounds he sustained from the found were gone completely. At least there wasn't any aftermath of 'dying' like that. Anything they had between them wasn't good or pure so the only thing mattered was if he got to bury his dick deep in Rick.

 

 

And god damn he really could picture the moment he breached Rick's tight hole, the way he'd whine once his dick thrusted in. Negan would pound away like his life depended on it and would make the younger man scream his name, until that was the only thing left on his lips.

 

 

Negan forgot that Ash might still be in the room and was relieved to find that he'd left. Now it was time to get his ass off the floor to make sure Rick was actually downstairs.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_"Pass me the bread, Rick. Hey are you listening." Michonne asked while a smile on her face._

 

_A cool breeze was brushing over his arms and Rick noticed he was outside all of a sudden, with Michonne and the rest of the group. They were having what seemed to be a dinner at a very long table. His mouth salivated at the selection of food before him, all home made and nothing old tasting from a can. Everything felt perfect, no one was dead, they were all together again. Rick reached for the bread basket and handed it to Michonne who happily took it from him._

 

 

_"You look beautiful." He whispered before kissing her shoulder._

 

 

_"So do you."_

 

 

_Rick blushed at the compliment then started digging into his plate of food. This was very obviously a dream but he was going to savor in it for as long as possible. Everyone was having a good time, laughing, joking around, eating a nice meal. Carl was seated by Enid but they looked a bit older than actually were. Abraham and Glenn were talking to each other at the end of the table, Sasha was pregnant and Glenn was holding onto a baby that was clearly his own. This was the happy ending that was long over due for everyone._

 

 

_In reality this was a dream that's been dead for a while._

 

_"Hey, Rick. " Glenn called from the end of the table. "I miss ya man."_

 

 

_"I miss you too, we all do.. we miss you both."_

 

 

_Glenn smiled with his teeth out, "Of course you, I mean it's partially your fault that we're dead."_

 

 

_"What?"_

 

 

_"Yeah man, if we never took on the Hilltops problems we wouldn't be dead.. I mean you've got to know that by now, right?"_

 

 

_Rick started choking at the table but nothing was in his mouth to choke on, he was gasping for air and turned to Michonne who just sat there staring._

 

 

_"Help..help me." Rick gasped out._

 

* * *

 

 

Rick's eyes shot open immediately, that dream was bullshit.

 

 

Thankfully he was still in the house and not outside where he was more vulnerable. But for whatever reason he'd ended up downstairs in the kitchen. The pain from being torn apart second hand was unbelievable to the point where it surpassed being shot.

 

  
If there was a way to describe how he was feeling it was like he was dirty bath water that has just been drained. He was sinking deeper into a hole, swirling around and around until he disappeared. Rick wanted to be back home tucking Judith in then pressing himself against Michonne. Yet he just had to be stuck in this place of endless fucking misery.  
He desperately needed to see a blue sky again, not darkness and grey skies. All he was looking at right now was the floor.

 

 

Rick forced his body up so he could go looking for Negan, who he wishes he could leave behind.

 

 

  
"You better be fucking down there!" Negan yelled from the top of the stairs. "Seriously Rick, I'm in no mood to play games."

 

 

"Neither am I.. asshole." Rick responded with an icy glare from below.

 

 

"There you are gorgeous! Almost thought that fucker was lying when he said you were down here."

 

 

"Stop callin' me that.."

 

 

"What?"

 

 

"Gorgeous.. stop callin' me gorgeous."

 

 

  
"Would you prefer beautiful? Hot stuff? or what?" Negan stuck his tongue between his teeth and winked suggestively.

 

 

  
"Fuck off."

 

 

  
"Someone's got nerve after getting mauled to death."

 

 

Rick bunched up his fist and then punched Negan in the stomach, reminding him of when this happened in reverse in the RV. All his rage as well as frustration was being taken out on the older man right now and he didn't care. Negan deserved everything that was coming to him.

 

 

  
For some reason he didn't fight back at all even when he had him on the ground and was making him bleed. In fact instead of pleading coming from Negan's mouth there was only laughter, loud maniacal laughter.

 

 

"What the fuck are you laughin' at?" Rick tugged at his shirt so they were a few inches away from each other.

 

 

"You.." Negan coughed. "You think you're better than me that you don't deserve to be here but I do. Which is bullshit. The only difference between us Rick is that you try to hide how much of a monster you are. "

 

 

  
"I'm nothin like you!"

 

 

"Wrong. You could have easily ended up as me if you took a different path. I mean fuck imagine if we switched places and I was bangin' it out with that hottie you got back at home. Jeeeesus I would play the high and mighty card just like you if that's what I got out of it."

 

 

  
Rick released the white t-shirt that no longer had blood stains and pushed himself away. "Shut your mouth before I knock your teeth in."

 

 

 

"Sure thing, sheriff. Anyways what do we do now? I don't think it's safe for us to go into anymore houses. Look at what fucking happens every time we do.."

 

 

 

"We need to find out why we're here."

 

 

 

Negan shrugged, "I don't think there's any god damn reason why."

 

 

 

"There is.. we couldn't be here by accident.. we almost died."

 

 

 

"So what?"

 

 

"We were brought here for a reason." Rick said with a serious tone to his voice.

 

  
Nothing about this place made sense if there was no reason people came here instead of living or dying. It couldn't be simply a holding place for those balancing between life or death.. there was something else they needed to figure out. Maybe this was their own hell and dying over and over was punishment. Whatever the reason Rick needed to find out so he at least could work on getting home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did any of ya'll catch the nods to SPN ? truthfully a lot of the creatures in this fic will be ones that have featured in SPN)


	3. No Hope for the Wicked

The passage of time wasn't the same in this hell dimension. Each day blended together and since there were no clocks neither Rick nor Negan could be sure. Being stuck somewhere that you didn't know existed was one thing but having a demon bother you everyday was another.

 

  
Negan hated the idea of being stuck there forever especially with someone who hated him. It would mean no more being a leader, no more relaxation, no more wives, no more anything at fucking all. And that didn't sit right with him. When they finally got a moment to breathe they were soon transported to what looked like a restaurant and Negan was a bit freaked out.

 

  
"What the fuck is this place?" Negan asked out loud.

 

  
"How the hell would I know?"

 

  
"Okay, I'm about done with your fucking bullshit attitude towards me."

 

  
"And I'm done with you in general." Rick seethed. "You act like I got no justification in the way I treat you, you're lucky I didn't kill you on that field."

 

  
Negan chuckled lowly, "Blah blah fucking blah.. that's all I hear when you get all self righteous."

 

  
"Back at each others throats again I see." Ash sat down but was appearing as Carl this time.

 

  
Rick locked eyes with what looked like his son but wasn't, "Are you kiddin' me right now?"

 

  
"You clearly mistake me for someone who gives a shit."

 

  
It was one thing to fuck with his mind in other ways but to use Rick's son as a means to screw with him was extremely fucked. Negan poked at the fake meal in front of him and wondered if it would turn into maggots or some nasty shit like that.

 

 

Anger was bubbling inside his stomach and rising up straight to the surface. He slammed his hand so far against the table it almost put a dent in it. Rick wanted to punch Ash's jaw for doing this but that would probably result in a broken hand. Unless he bruised like a human being did. There really was only one way to find out, a way that Rick wasn't taking.

 

 

"Enough. Kill us already if that's what you have planned. I'm done." Rick deadpanned. "And stop appearing as my son."

 

 

"You don't want to see my true form it's... frightening for humans. Usually I approach people in a specific form but I enjoy making you both squirm." Ash winked.

 

 

Negan flung their dishes across the room out of spontaneity and agitation. "What the literal fuck? Can you leave us the fuck alone?"

 

 

The tone in the atmosphere changed almost immediately. It's like Ash didn't have to lift his finger and soon Negan was started to grasp his throat while water spurted out of his mouth. He was drowning in slow motion without being submerged in any water. A second later Rick began to do the same thing.

 

 

"I don't think either of you idiots understand how easy it would be for me to kill you at any time. So I'll make it abundantly clear to you. You're nothing, both of you. Just two human meat sacks who desperately want to believe they matter in the world... fact is you don't. If you died officially today they'd all move on without you. So it's best you don't piss me off or I'll tear your insides out and do jump rope with them." Ash snapped his finger and both of them began coughing profusely once the water stopped coming out.

 

 

"Do we understand each other? Rick? Negan?"

 

 

Rick narrowed his eyes and bit his tongue. "Yes."

 

 

"Wonderful, now eat your meals.. can't run from monsters on an empty stomach now can we?" Ash giggled.

 

 

  
Looking at what was a shitty imitation of his son disturbed him because he may never see Carl again. And the last thing they said to each other wasn't memorable. They thought winning was a definite, that there was no way Negan would beat them. How damn stupid was that? Ricks over confidence is what screwed them every time. From Hershel's farm. To the prison. To Terminus. To Alexandria. No matter where he and his family ended up he found a way to fuck it up.

 

 

How many people had he lost on the way? Rick started wondering if he was the primary cause for all the suffering. His decisions led them all down certain paths after all. A hand reached under the table and squeezed his. Rick flinched at the contact because he really didn't want Negans comfort right now or ever. But having been stuck there with the man it was strangely helpful. He let it rest there for a while which had Ash quirking his eye brow at them. He was still in Carls form so it was uncomfortable to say the least.

 

 

"Playing footsies under there? Or handsies? Is that a thing? Groping each others hands I mean."

 

 

Negan shrugged, "I don't fucking know, just thought it would comfort him is all."

 

 

"But he hates your guts.." Ash pointed out. "..like he literally has thought of bashing your head in with a rock unless he's finally ready to admit how he feels on the inside."

 

 

"I don't feel anythin', you don't know what you're talkin' about." Rick said through clenched teeth.

 

 

"Tsk tsk, lying to me has serious consequences. I don't need to rip you apart to make you suffer, not only can I read minds but I can make you do things that you desire."

 

 

"Please.. don't." Rick grimaced at whatever was about to happen next.

 

 

Ash changed his form once again in a puff of black smoke and now he was Negan. "Kiss him."

 

 

"What?"

 

 

"Come on don't be a little bitch and kiss Negan, you know you want to. There was that one time that your dick got rock fucking hard at the thought of him. It's honesty hour so tick tock goes the clock, be honest.. did that happen or not?"

 

 

Rick gulped down his shame, "It did."

 

 

Never in a million fucking years would Negan have ever heard that from Rick himself so naturally he'd cherish this moment. It would definitely be jerk off material for a later time. He turned to look at the younger man who was going red.

 

 

"You heard him, kiss me sheriff." Negan could have passed out from laughter just then.

 

 

Rick grimaced once more, "This means nothin, do you hear me?" He gripped onto the other mans chin hard.

 

 

"This is vaguely familiar don't you fucking think?"

 

 

"Fuck you."

 

 

"Want to?"

 

 

Their lips touched and at first Rick wasn't moving in unison with Negan at all until he started reciprocate and that's when it started to feel better than it should. Rick held the back of Negans neck for a moment then his hand slipped away. 

 

 

"Happy?" His attention was turned towards Ash who only nodded in affirmation before disappearing with a smirk on his face.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Both Rick and Negan just stared in opposite directions wondering what the other was thinking.

 

 

"Sooo, that was...." Negan started to say.

 

 

"Don't."

 

 

"But I think we should ..."

 

 

Rick just shook his head, "Don't, that didn't mean what you thought it did."

 

 

"Bull fucking shit."

 

 

"Excuse me?"

 

 

"You enjoyed that Blue Eyes, not even 'cause I'm a fantastic kisser. You've got a fucked up attraction towards me.. it's in the way you look at me, now apparently you stroked your stick thinking of me. Hot diggity dog my dreams have come true." Negan bellowed with laughter.

 

 

Rick wanted to forget he knew what Negan's lips felt like against his. He wanted that whole moment to disappear into a black hole somewhere. And now they were outside where it was apparently pitch black.

 

 

His heart started pumping hard like it was working over time, there was something not right about where they were. Everything was extremely quiet and there was something nearby, Rick could feel it.

 

 

"What are you looking at there, Rick?"

 

 

"There's somethin' here.."

 

 

"As in a monster? How come I don't see anything?"

 

 

Rick bit his lip nervously, "I don't know but somethin is after us.. there's a presence here."

 

 

"Slow your roll,Ricky. Don't get ahead of yourself."

 

 

  
A weird noise started coming from the distance and neither of them was sure what the hell it could be.

 

 

  
"I think we should get the fuck out of here."

 

 

  
"No." Rick said. "Whatever it is will get us eventually."

 

 

  
"So we both should just die?" Is that what you're fucking telling me."

 

 

  
"No matter if you run or not you'll still get the same death as me." Rick pointed out.

 

 

"Fuck you're right."

 

 

Waiting around for something to kill you was just as bad as it sounded. And waiting for whatever the hell it was to appear proved to be boring as all shit. Negan laid back on the ground beneath him, digging his fingers into the dirt. All he could think about was kissing Rick. If Negan was asked to describe how it felt he'd say some poetic shit like he felt alive when their lips crashed together. His expectations were bulldozed pretty much because it was even better than he thought it would be. Negan noticed that the younger man kept glancing his direction. Those blue eyes were scanning him almost hungrily.

 

 

  
"You wanna kiss me again, hmm?" Negan teased.

 

 

  
"No." Rick said flatly, though he secretly wanted to only to distract himself.

 

 

  
Negan knew he was lying because of the way Rick kept looking anywhere but him. What were they getting themselves into? Something dark and addictive obviously. And Negan had no problem in seducing Rick, making him want it so badly it ran over all of his resistance. That's all that was holding the younger man back from getting down and dirty.

 

 

"Well shit, that hurts my feelings."

 

 

"Don't care."

 

 

"That stoic behavior gets me off baby, if you're extra mean I might even pop a fucking boner."

 

 

Rick scoffed, "You're a pig."

 

 

"Heh just admit it that deep fucking down you want me to screw your brains out, I bet you have a tight ass."

 

 

"I've never- "

 

 

Negan's eyes went wide with glee, "Oh my god! I'd be your first wouldn't I?"

 

 

Rick gritted his teeth, "Yes."

 

 

  
"If you let me I promise I'd be really fucking gentle at first but I don't think you like gentle. In fact I think you're so attracted to danger that you'd want me to choke you.. pound that ass until you're screaming my name in falsetto."

 

 

  
"You'd have to rape me for that to ever happen." Rick glared.

 

 

Negan got off the ground and walked towards the other man who was startled by his abrupt behavior. He wanted to make one thing clear before another stupid fucking comment was made about who he was.

 

 

"Listen you fucking idiot, I hate that disgusting shit so don't you ever say something like that to me again. You got it?" Negan was up in his face all of a sudden.

 

 

  
"I got it." Rick was staring into hazel eyes that were practically shooting fire out of them. He never thought Negan who was into bashing peoples skulls in would have a problem with something as disgusting as rape.

 

 

  
Negan smiled gleefully, "That's fucking good .. for you."

 

 

 

Soon there was a woman running towards them, her skin was light brown and the clothes she was wearing were covered in dirt. Almost as if she had tripped and fallen all over the place. The woman crashed right into Rick sending them both to the ground.

 

 

"I'm sorry... I'm so soo sorry." The woman apologized profusely. "I've been running for hours away from those things."

 

 

  
"What things?" Rick asked softly.

 

 

  
"Vampires. I don't know how I got away."

 

 

  
"What's your name?"

 

 

  
The woman blinked, "Lola."

 

 

  
"I'm Rick and this is... Negan. Do you how long you've been here? Or do you have a way of knowin' at least."

 

 

  
Lola nodded with a melancholic look on her face. "It's been months I think, I almost lost count." She brushed her dark hair back.

 

 

  
"Do you know why you're here?" Rick wasn't all that concerned with this woman's well being if he was being honest. Something about her seemed dishonest but trusting people wasn't his strong suit.

 

 

  
"No no.. at least I'm not sure."

 

 

  
Negan cocked an eye brow at the way her voice faltered. "Are you sure?"

 

 

  
"Yes. Look we need to get out of here now.. otherwise they'll kill us all. Hurry I know a place we might be able to hide." Lola started jogging forwards and gestured for them to follow.

 

 

Reluctantly they did so because they had nothing left to lose right now. And if she was playing them; they'd kill her.

 

 

They ran for a while until they reached a house that had dark paint on the outside of it, the front steps looked rickety and it had an overall eerie tone to it. Negan hesitated even stepping any closer but he wasn't going to stand outside. Not when there were things coming for them even more so since they joined up with Lola.

 

 

  
She closed the door and locked it behind her quickly, all the nervousness that was coming off her in waves was powerful. But Rick still saw it as fabricated for some reason. Why did she all of a sudden run into them? Not once in this whole time had they seen any humans. If they were any to see. He didn't notice any weapons on her or anything that could injure or kill.

 

 

  
"Don't worry.. we're safe here." Lola said. "No vampire can enter unless they have been invited in."

 

 

  
Negan wiped sweat off his forehead, "That's a god damn relief that isn't a myth."

 

 

  
"Vampires are very real."

 

 

  
"Tell us about them. Are they like how the media portrays them?" Rick leaned against the staircase.

 

 

  
"Yes and no. Vampires aren't demons, they are people that been turned into supernatural creatures. Every vampire that has ever existed was human once, they drink blood still but don't need to drink straight from the source. But the more violent ones love the hunt more than the kill. They have super strength, super speed and can control people if they want."

 

 

  
Negan felt his stomach drop at the thought of that. "What the fuck do mean by control people?"

 

 

  
"Many people have called it different things, such compulsion or glamoring.. it's where a vampire can look into your eyes and make you do or say things.. Not many people can fight it."

 

 

  
"How do you know so much about vampires?" Rick questioned. "Have they existed in the real world?"

 

 

Lola started to laugh under her breath, "You humans are so pathetic.."

 

 

"Fucking fuck fuck fuck." Negan screamed. "This is why we don't trust just anyone."

 

 

Rick stepped towards the door, "Let us go."

 

 

"Sorry but I gotta eat.." Lola said before she super speed forward sending both her and Rick through the front door. They tumbled down the steps and once Rick got to the ground he tried running but was stopped by her. She kicked him in the stomach and Negan keeled over as he tried to make his way out of the house. This still wasn't as bad as the hell hound ripping him to shreds but being drained of blood would suck ass too.

 

 

Rick attempted at fighting back but it was no use when she broke his fingers one by one, causing him to scream in pain. And he could hear Negan screaming from the porch. Almost every bone in his body was being broken and he was rendered to a sniveling mess on the ground. He felt blood pouring out of his nose right into his mouth, the metallic taste was blending in with spit.

 

 

  
Rick's legs were broken so he couldn't scramble to get away. "Get away from me!"

 

 

  
"Lets see what that blood of yours tastes like, assuming I didn't beat most of it out of you. And it seems I've had the same effect on your boyfriend over there, he's in the same shape as you and I didn't have to lift a finger." Lola smiled devilishly. "Want it slow or fast?"

 

 

  
When Rick was about to retort he felt sharp teeth sink into his skin, the pain wasn't registering as much because he was in pain everywhere. She was on top of him in an erotic fashion, sucking the blood from his neck. Rick had no intentions of fighting because he was going to die with a broken body. His vision was blurring really slowly and he couldn't feel anything anymore. Nothing mattered at all. Getting home was probably never happening. He was never going to see anyone he loved again. Suffering was all that was left for him now.

 

 

  
"Your blood tastes so good." Lola whispered before she continued her bloody assault on his neck.

 

 

  
The last thing Rick remembered thinking about was whether he'd ever escape this nightmare. Then it was lights out.

 

* * *

 

 

They woke up exactly where they 'died' and Negan gasped for air once his eyes opened. He saw the blood stained all over the porch. Once again his body was brand new without any aches or pains, no broken bones or bloody nose. And judging from the way Rick looked it was the same for him as well.

 

 

Negan wanted to understand why he had to constantly experience all the pain that Rick did. Vice versa. At first he didn't believe there was any reasoning behind all their experiences there but now he wasn't so sure.

 

 

He walked down the steps towards Rick who looked more disconnected than usual. It almost looked like he wasn't there at all. Maybe he drifted off somewhere in his mind and needed to be alone for a while.

 

 

Only problem was that Negan didn't want to sit around alone and they had no fucking time for this.

 

 

  
And then he saw a young woman with blonde hair appear before them both. He had no clue who the hell she was at all, she was obviously someone Rick knew. Regardless of who it was it had to be Ash being a smart ass. Though something about her presence didn't bother Negan, like there was a possibility it was someone else. She started singing and her voice was damn near angelic.

 

 

"He's your twin flame." Beth sighed.

 

 

  
Rick furrowed his brow then he caught the look of shock on Negans face. "What's that?"

 

 

  
"A twin flame is the other half of you.. in the beginning of time you were one soul together, until you got split apart into two separate souls. Sometimes in a different lifetime you both meet up with each other, but in different bodies. Not everyone finds their twin flame in this life time though. Almost always when you meet your twin flame its under strange circumstances, you're drawn to them, they feel familiar 'cause you already know them. These relationships ain't the prettiest, they're your mirror, showin' you what you hate about yourself. Most times your twin flame causes you pain more than happiness especially when you've got a lot of baggage.This world amplifies how connected you are, therefore it manifests into feelin' each others pain so literally that you die in the same ways. You're both here for the same reason and you can't leave this place separately."

 

 

"What do we do now?" Rick asked.

 

 

"You can't do anythin'.. it ain't even up to you whether or not you leave here. Eventually whatever power controls this place will either put you back in your physical bodies or you'll go to.." Beth stopped herself from finishing her sentence.

 

 

"It's okay Beth."

 

 

"I wish I could help you.." Beth hugged him again. "Please if you do go back tell everyone I miss em, tell Daryl to not be afraid of loving _him_ and tell Maggie that Glenn wants her to move on and be happy again."

 

 

  
Rick was about to respond back when Beth disappeared from his arms like she was never there in the first place. Everything that happened today left him without any words, nothing was going to remedy this. He was screwed no matter where they ended up in the end. All the hope that was left dangling on a string was severed, cut right off from its air supply. Why was Beth able to appear all of a sudden, how long had they actually been there for?

 

  
"That was fucking crazy." Negan mumbled.

 

 

  
"Yeah, it was."

 

 

"Look, Rick. Maybe talking about what we just found out would do us both a world of fucking good."

 

 

"I think you're right."

 

 

"Lucille, my late wife, she used to talk a lot about shit like this. Whether it was soul mates or whatever the hell. One time she mentioned twin flames but straight up told me that we weren't. I never thought about it again, I couldn't think about what she and I spoke about. Can't say that I ever imagined we'd be that connected but from the jump I knew you were special."

 

 

Rick found himself intrigued, "How?"

 

  
"When I saw you in that line up I was taken aback 'cause first off there was finally a face to the craziness, you're hot as all fuck, and there was just something about you. Some fucking thing that I couldn't quite place. Now I know why I'm so drawn to you.. to be honest I don't give a fuck about the rest of your people.. if you weren't there I wouldn't be so invested."

 

 

  
"Thanks?" Rick rolled his eyes.

 

 

  
"You can't tell me that you weren't drawn towards me, weren't constantly thinking of me even in a negative way."

 

 

  
"I don't think you deserve to hear the answer to that."

 

 

  
"But it's the fucking truth."

 

 

  
"Can we just get outta here? Find somewhere to catch our damn breath before we get killed again." Rick said.

 

* * *

 

 

Last time Michonne saw him walking and talking was a month ago. They had been trying to operate without Rick for a month. Everyone was constantly on edge whether it be about killing Negan or not. How long they would have Ricks body lay there (which she didn't want to discuss.) Denise was still telling them the grim reality of coma patients actually waking up and how very little chance there was for survival. But Michonne assured her that this was Rick Grimes they were talking about and he's survived worse.

 

 

Michonne was sitting in the church, not praying, but trying to get away from it all. Which is the moment Daryl and Maggie appeared. They sat on opposites sides of her with melancholic looks on their faces. For a while no one spoke a single world, not even Gabriel who was in the church reading in the first aisle. It was more peaceful just to sit in misery than talk about it.

 

 

  
"Today I thought of Beth.." Maggie broke the silence.

 

 

  
"What did you think?"

 

 

  
"How special she was for most of us.. the way she sang whenever we were so trapped in our own sorrows. How even with the world being dead, she made us forget when she'd sing or smile." Maggie breathed out with happy tears in her eyes. "We won't lose Rick.. we can't afford to lose somebody else."

 

 

  
"No we can't." Daryl said.

 

 

  
"What's going on with you and Jesus? We noticed how close you were getting with him lately."

 

 

  
Daryl's face remained completely neutral even after being asked that, "Nothin' is."

 

 

  
"C'mon spill the details, we need a distraction." Michonne chuckled alongside Maggie.

 

 

  
"I don't know if I want there to be somethin' or if that prick is even worth my time. He annoys me." Daryl grunted.

 

 

  
Maggie rubbed his shoulder, "I know he likes you, maybe you need to figure out if you like him too."

 

 

  
"Maybe."

 

 

The three of them went back to sitting there in silence but this time it wasn't filled with so much sadness, there was hope surrounding them somehow.

 

* * *

 

 

Hours (or whatever) later they started fighting again in another random house and everything was beginning to implode even further.

 

 

"Why is it that whenever I make a fucking joke you get even more snooty? What the fuck is your problem?" Negan yelled.

 

 

Rick was tired, overwhelmed and trying to hold onto whatever sanity he had and Negan complicated him even relaxing. There he was, always cracking jokes, saying stupid shit and just over all pissing him off. He couldn't care less that they were twin flames, he didn't sign up for this or ask for this.

 

 

Maybe it was high time they beat the shit out of each other again.

 

 

He pushed the older man against the wall with all his strength, wrapping his fingers around his throat. "My problem is you... all you do is cause me pain, make me feel things I shouldn't!"

 

 

"Oh yeah well.." Negan head butted Rick causing him to stumble into what was apparently a living room. "Too fucking bad." He got on top of Rick so he could hold him down, show him whose boss. That was until he felt him biting his arm, not hard enough to make him bleed, but enough to make him hurt.

 

 

  
"Fuck! Are you fucking biting me?"

 

 

  
Rick reversed their positions and lifted him so he could slam him back onto the ground. "You got no place in world, you're someone who shoulda been wiped out already."

 

 

  
"Fuck. you." Negan bucked up in order to get the younger man off him. They were soon rolling around on the hardwood floor, getting bruised at the same time. He couldn't pin point all the emotions he was feeling towards Rick. It was like their version of foreplay and if it resulted in them screwing he wouldn't mind that.

 

 

  
"No, you don't have a goddamn place in the world. It took you landing in this shit show of a place to realize how shitty you are, how you're just as bad as me. We're literally made for each other."

 

 

  
"You're a waste of my time, always have been, always will be." Rick pointed at him.

 

 

Negan started laughing deeply, "Maybe we should screw.. get all this damn aggression out. Would be a lot more fun than whatever this is.."

 

 

  
For a second. A small fraction of time. Rick really did consider it. They would get wrapped up in each other for a while, get that much needed release then never do it again. That was the plan as of this moment. You didn't have to love or like the person who gets your rocks off, you just had to both be consenting individuals.

 

 

 

Rick walked towards him, grabbing him by the throat again but started kissing him to compensate for that. This was about him being in control and having Negan right where he wanted him, this wasn't happening again and he was going to make it clear.

 

 

 

"This. will. never. happen. again. " Rick said in between kisses. "Get it?"

 

 

Negan was breathless and on cloud nine, "Sure thing."

 

 

It was finally happening and just in time too.

 

 

He held onto both sides of Rick's face as he started kissing him a bit more aggressively, biting at his lower lip, moaning into the kiss. _Goddamn, Rick is a good kisser,_ Negan thought lustfully.

 

 

  
Soon they were shedding each others shirts, letting them drop to the floor, then their pants were on the ground, and soon they weren't wearing their boxers. Rick was starting to moan as a tongue licked alongside his neck. _Biting. Claiming. Owning._ He hated how much Negan still claimed him.

 

 

Every touch was setting him on fire but also making him sick to his stomach. Who knew the one thing that would release his stress would be Negan. 

 

 

They were apart of each other after all so this was probably bound to happen, as much as Rick tried to fight it and pretend it wouldn't.

 

 

Negan soon had the younger man pinned up against the wall and Ricks legs were trembling like a volcano. His fingers dug into the small of his back and they were kissing harder. Faster.

 

 

Negan pushed his boner forwards and it caused them both to moan. Everything was unraveling so quickly that neither of them realized how little foreplay they did. There was some desperate fingering into Rick that brushed against his prostate causing his eyes to roll to back of his head. And then he was being penetrated with his legs wrapped around Negan's waist. The thrusting made him moan out loud, he was moaning for him to go harder.

 

 

  
And that's exactly what happened he started pounding into Rick so desperately that he forgot where they were. The house was starting to react like them, there was shaking and things crashing all around but they didn't care. Negan pulled out so he could bend Rick over so his face was pressing the wall, like a hardcore porn scene. His dick was aching to be inside the tight ass (that he was so right about) in front of him. He slid right back in and didn't even give any warning before he thrusted hard. The whimpering coming from Rick was turning him the fuck on. Negan had never been this turned on in his life. And when he paid attention the skin slapping sounds it made it even better.

 

 

  
They went at for a decent amount of time and the way Rick moaned his name all slutty and whimpering caused him to blow his load. He got a few more thrusts out before he was too sensitive to keep going. Negan turned Rick around to take care of his throbbing boner, all it took was one stroke and he was cumming. Both men were breathing hard after crashing to the floor.

 

 

  
"I can't believe.. I let you- " Rick's words were jumbling up.

 

 

  
Negan couldn't even bring himself to laugh. "What the fuck ever, you loved it."

 

 

  
"Unfortunately."

 

 

  
"You'll be begging for it again, just you wait." Negan said with a devilish smile.

 

 

  
"No, this was a one time thing... to get it outta my system."

 

 

  
Rick couldn't believe his own words right now but saying it out loud made him feel a bit better. Even though he felt so ashamed of himself, angry at himself for betraying Michonne like this, he knew they would probably do this again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obviously this is already a very very dark fic but its taken a darker turn. at first i planned to make it so this was a slow burn which didn't work out so well. enjoy it anyways, took me a long damn time to finish this.


	4. Violence, Sex & Misery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely been a certain amount of time since I updated this so i figured why not do it during Regan week! 
> 
>  

_I miss your broken China voice_

  
_How I wish you were still here with me_

  
_Oh, you build it up, you wreck it down_

  
_Then you burn your mansion to the ground_

  
_Oh, there's nothing left to keep you here_

  
_But when you're falling behind in this big blue world_

 

 

 

Lately the lyrics Beth sang back at the prison that one night were replaying in Rick's head. He could feel himself being pulled back to a different time. At that time he was less hesitant to be the leader and now he wondered if that was his place anymore.

 

 

Rick wasn't certain that he was the same person that his family needed him to be. He once hated that saying about every action having a consequence but now it was ringing so damn true, especially when it pertained to Negan.

 

 

Would Abe and Glenn still be alive if they never attacked the outpost? It was possible that regardless they would have ended up in that position at some point. That maybe fate would have reigned them in.

 

 

Rick couldn't stop himself from remembering all the little moments that had defined him, made him become the same man he sometimes loathed. And one moment in particular sent him in a downward spiral was him killing Shane. He had no choice but end Shane's life in order to keep himself and the group safe, but the cost was a little bit of his humanity and his best friend's life. The same man he at one point looked at as family.

 

 

But the reminders of Shane were in his life everyday whenever he looked at Judith. She was a joy in his life but something he would never admit out loud was how painful it was to look at her some days.

 

 

A brutal thrust flung him back to what was happening and his body responded by trembling, his legs shook a little bit from Negan hitting his pleasure spot. Ever since they started having sex in this place he felt pieces of himself being chipped away. It was like he was a wood carving being shaped into something; something he didn't like. He found pleasure in the moments they got rough but not when Negan would slow it down. When he would make it feel tender and warm he felt the bile rising up. Rick didn't want tenderness and a warm touch from the other man, he wanted angry sex. They were moving quickly against the tree, there was nothing romantic or soft about it, just quick sex to release stress. Negan kept pumping harder inside of him causing his face to push against the bark. He moaned for Negan to go harder. And he did.

 

 

 

"You sound so fucking slutty when you whine like that." Negan growled and smacked his ass hard. "Remember when you said this wouldn't happen again? Well I gotta say you were pretty god damn wrong."

 

 

 

  
_Oh, you've got to hold on, hold on._

 

 

Negan continued whispering against his ear, "Imagine what your people would think if they knew how nasty you were. How cocky hungry you are."

 

 

 

  
_Babe, you gotta hold on._

 

 

 

"Shut the fuck up." Rick gasped out.

 

 

 

Rick was being pounded into even harder after commenting but he wanted to feel the sting, the pleasure, how stretched out he was. He wanted to scream but that would definitely attract some monster. So Rick held his loud moans in and felt the cum releasing inside of his hole. After a couple strokes from Negan he was releasing his own load. They just stayed in their spot for a little bit until Rick moved away. His jeans were laying on the ground and he just pulled his boxers up before putting them back on.

 

 

 

"Each time gets better and better doesn't it?" Negan chuckled.

 

 

 

"I shouldn't let you do this to me."

 

 

 

"Hold the goddamn phone right the fuck now. Don't talk to me like I'm raping you."

 

 

 

Rick felt guilty for saying that, "I know, I'm sorry. This is just killin' me.. that I let you have any hold on me at all 'cause I hate you."

 

 

 

"You're back to that little number?" Negan scoffed. "I don't think you hate me, I think you hate that you're a tame version of me."

 

 

 

"Why do I have to be connected to you of all people? Why not Michonne or anyone else really? It's just unfair."

 

 

 

"News flash, life ain't fair darling. In fucking fact life is just one shitty thing after the next. Gotta learn to roll with it, move on."

 

 

 

Rick scrunched his eyebrows, "Move on? Y-you want me to just move on from what you did? I will never forget any of it, do you understand me? Whatever is goin' on between us is outta my control."

 

 

 

"You're so full of shit. We're literally apart of each other, forever. Might as well accept that you're drawn to me, I'm drawn to you, and we're meant for each other. MFEO as the kids used to say."

 

 

 

"If we get back home I'm gonna finish what I started, even if it kills me." Rick said angrily. "You understand what that means right? I'm gonna kill you."

 

 

  
Negan rolled his eyes dramatically, "Go ahead and try killer but I'll fucking break those nice legs of yours before you get the chance. In fact maybe I'll break just one of em so then you're hopping around with one leg, might make for some maneuvering when we fuck, but hey, I'm willing to work with that."

 

 

  
"You're sick."

 

 

  
"And you fucking like it, I would love to see what's inside your head baby.. would make for a hell of an experience."

 

 

 

"All you would see is me snappin' your neck over n' over again." Rick smirked.

 

 

 

"Get a room you two or wait you seem to like having public sex."

 

 

  
They both groaned knowing it was Ash by the sound of the voice and the fact that he was standing right there gave it away.

 

 

 

"What? Here to give us another shitty warning?" Negan mumbled.

 

 

 

"Actually you dull minded asshole I'm here to give you what you just mentioned. A trip into each other's minds. " Ash smiled.

 

 

  
Rick wanted to go nowhere near Negan's thoughts because they were likely depraved and sadistic. Yet he wasn't sensing much of a choice in this matter so he had no choice. Maybe it would help him figure out what Negan was all about because he didn't know much. Other than the fact that he was a sadistic asshole who laughed when he killed people.

 

 

  
Clearly Ash sensed their hesitations because he was rolling his eyes. "Don't worry it will be you venturing through your thoughts about each other."

 

 

  
Before either of them could try to say no with a snap of his finger Ash knocked them both out cold

 

 

* * *

 

 

Negan found himself waking up in a weird space, it was like he was stuck in a dark room full of nothingness. He walked slowly into what seemed to be like a different room altogether and there was sounds of slicing.

 

 

  
"What the fuck?" Negan said out loud before he turned around the corner to see Rick slicing his neck open. He saw the blood pouring out of his own neck and no one was around to help him.

 

 

And he literally walked through room after room of Rick killing him in different ways, whether it was using his ax, Lucille, a gun and setting him on fucking fire even.

 

 

  
Then Negan got to a room that seemed different than the others, it had a more sexual vibe to it which he was definitely down for. They were in the armory at Alexandria like the first time pick up. Only this time Rick leaned in to kiss him just like Negan had wanted him to and they were kissing really aggressively, biting at each other's lips.

 

 

  
"He thinks of this moment a lot." Ash said from the corner of the room. "And I mean a lot."

 

 

  
Negan had a look of shock on his face, "Seriously? Why?"

 

 

  
"His desire for you is rather deep 'cause of the soul connection. I take it that blonde girl told you."

 

 

  
"How'd you -"

 

 

  
"Already told you I can read your mind but anyways the whole point of this is for you to understand him a bit more. See what he wants." Ash said plainly.

 

 

 

"He wants to fucking kill me which I already knew."

 

 

 

Negan was becoming more and more confused by why it was so important for him to understand Rick on a deeper level. They were just fucking. Nothing more.

 

 

 

"You're wondering if you can leave yet and my answer is no, Ricks still wandering in your mind."

 

 

 

"Oh fuck." Negan put his face into his hands and groaned.

 

 

 

 

  
The second Rick popped up into Negans mind he was already prepared to see a lot of violence and just crude thoughts. But what he wasn't prepared to see was overlapping thoughts of them fucking. And it wasn't even based on what's happened recently, one moment was that time in the RV but Negans thoughts about that were more explicit. He saw Negan laying him out on the table and he was compliant, lifting his legs up and waiting to be penetrated. And they went at it pretty roughly for that matter.

 

 

 

Rick backed up into another room where they were in a bed in a place he'd never been in before. This wasn't anywhere in Alexandria or where they currently were for that matter, maybe it was the Sanctuary? Rick had never been before so he had no clue what the inside of Negan's room looked for. But the stylish vibe to it screamed him.

 

 

  
His legs were wrapped around Negans back while he began pumping in and out of him..slowly. It felt so domestic like they were together or at least civil towards him. Which would never happen in a million years so this was clearly was nothing more than a thought.

 

 

  
Ever since he started sleeping with the older man it changed everything, not his want to kill him because that was still there. But his need to see him as anything other than human wasn't really there anymore. At least not how it used to be. Maybe they did bear similiarities but he was still not completely like Negan, not in the damn slightest.

 

 

 

Ash was standing in front of him all of a sudden, his eyes were black and then flickered into a weird gold color. "You still have a lot more suffering to go through for all that you've done. And you still see yourself as some hero when you're just another man surviving."

 

 

  
"I've saved people and I never had to but they wanted me to be the leader so I've lead."

 

 

  
"How many people have died because you're the leader or because of your decisions? I don't think I need to list them off."

 

 

 

"No." Rick gritted his teeth. "You really don't have to."

 

 

  
"My point is you need to accept why you're suffering, why actions have consequences other you may not get outta here and it ain't up to me. My boss has made it clear that you've got a little ways to get yet. And believe me when I say that it won't be the same once you leave this place."

 

 

  
"What's that supposed to mean anyways?" Rick asked nervously.

 

 

  
"If you leave you'll understand what I mean but for now I think you've seen enough."

 

 

  
"That's all I was supposed to see? Negan having sex with me over and over?"

 

 

  
Ash smirked, "It's mostly what consumes him lately where as your thoughts are more violent. Funny how that works huh?"

 

 

"Get me outta here, now." Rick said firmly.

 

 

  
"Since I like you a bit more I'll let that tone of voice slide, have fun with the aftermath. It's a real bitch."

* * *

 

Both of them were gasping while laying in a wide spread field, there were flowers everywhere and it was almost beautiful (for a hell dimension.) Negan was gasping for air but that didn't last long because the air was starting to enter his lungs again. He saw that Rick was struggling for air but his face was showing relief a few seconds after.

 

 

  
"What'd you see in my mind?" Rick asked him knowing damn well what he saw.

 

 

  
"You killing me over and over again but that wasn't all.. I saw your thought about kissing me in your armory."

 

 

  
Negan was trying to hide his smirk but it was too difficult because it was starting to pop up on his face. Bothering Rick was a bit of a past time but he was flattered that Rick even thought of that all. It beat watching him get slaughtered like a fucking animal.

 

 

 

"Oh, that."

 

 

  
"Yeah." Negan smiled. "I knew you wanted to kiss me then."

 

 

  
"Shut up."

 

 

  
"Face it you were thinking of me even then! Probably imagining my tongue down that pretty mouth of yours. I guess you got your fucking wish with that one." Negan did his signature lean and chuckled lowly.

 

 

  
"Let's find somewhere to hide out for a while before.."

 

 

  
Rick saw something that was snarling that looked vaguely human but still not so much because it had long sharp teeth.

 

 

  
"We need to run, now." Negan was panicking but couldn't get Rick to move so running wouldn't make much of a difference in the long haul. They were both fucked either way.

 

 

  
The werewolf started charging towards then and the only thing they could do was let the inevitable happen because there was no they were out running that god damn creature. It was charging towards then so fast that the initial moment it took down Rick was too quick to see properly. Teeth were sinking into Rick's flesh which he screamed from the pain, Negan collapsed to the ground experiencing the same exact thing. And when it began ripping him to shreds that's when neither of them stayed alive that long. Normally when they'd get killed it felt like it was lasting forever but not this time. He felt his heart begin to slow and could almost feel Negan's heart slowing down too.

 

 

  
After dying so many times you think you're prepared for it though the truth is you're not. Every single time is just as scary as the next and all you want is for it to be over, Rick was getting his wish. He shut his eyes and waited for when he'd wake up without a scratch on him.

 

 

 

"Well that was pretty fucking eventful, now wasn't it?" Negan couldn't hold his manic laughter in. "I mean I know I'm a god damn asshole but why do I need to suffer for what I already know?"

 

 

  
"You don't know how shitty of a person you are, that's why. We're here to experience suffering on a whole other level. "

 

 

  
"No shit sherlock, I fucking get that but what I don't get is why this higher power or whatever the fuck thinks we don't already suffer enough."

 

 

  
Even though it pained him to admit, Negan wasn't wrong. They weren't living in a normal world back home where they could easily avoid their pain. It was constant war whether it was them going at each other's throats or the dead coming for them. And that wasn't changing any time soon so misery was always around the corner. What Rick didn't understand was how whoever was in charge thought they were on the same level of punishment. Everything he'd ever done, bad or not was to protect the people he loves. Where as Negan was just blood thirsty if anyone did something he disliked.

 

 

 

Rick kept thinking about what this was doing to everyone back home. What if he didn't even return home? He leaned back so that he could see the blood red sky above them, something about that was beautiful. Menacing but still beautiful nonetheless.

 

 

  
He thought about it metaphorically like all the blood shed was mimicking itself in a red sky hanging above him. Rick was never much for poetry but there was something poetic about all that. At least for him.

 

 

  
"We may not return you know." Rick whispered.

 

 

  
"I know."

 

 

  
"What will happen if we don't?"

 

 

  
Negan looked over at him, "Our communities will probably battle it out til one side is blown to fucking hell."

 

 

  
"You know that Michonne wouldn't stop until everyone paid right?"

 

 

  
He shrugged, "Wouldn't blame her for it either."

 

 

 

And he really wouldn't blame any one of Rick's group for destroying what he'd worked so hard to build. If his empire burned straight to the ground Negan supposed it would be his own fault for that shit. He could have surrendered, white flagged it and left Alexandria alone but he didn't want to do that, he wanted to be the only one left standing. Which is exactly why they were there in the first fucking place, to suffer for their wrongs. Negan didn't know what compelled him to do it but he reached out and stroked Rick's hand for a moment until he pulled it away.

 

 

  
Rick cleared his throat, "We need to find somewhere to just catch our breath that ain't in the open."

 

 

  
"Well lets get the fuck outta here then."


	5. Entropy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> entropy: lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder.

Looking at Rick's still body was ripping Michonne to shreds, especially since it had been a few months of him laying there like that. According to Denise it wasn't likely that he would be functioning properly if he did wake up. That wasn't something that any of them wanted to hear but honesty was better than being told he would be just fine. What would be done with Negan's body was also up for debate. No one was going to make a move until Rick woke up because he was going to.

 

 

"He's going to wake up because he's dad." Carl said before rubbing against Michonnes shoulder.

 

 

  
Michonne smiled for a moment, "I know, he will wake up. I believe it."

 

 

  
"What if he doesn't though? What if we're wrong about it?"

 

 

  
"We'll deal with that if the time comes but for now we just need to hope that your dad comes out of this unscathed."

 

 

  
After all those talks about what they'd do if either of them died she still had no clue how she'd actually go on if she lost Rick. Michonne had opened herself up in a way that she never though she would ever again after Mike died. But now she was in the position of possibly losing Rick forever and dealing with that was exceptionally difficult. She wouldn't be alone in her grief so that was a small comfort.

 

 

  
Michonne left his side and walked over towards Negan who was laying just as still, his eyes were closed and unfortunately he wasn't dead. She looked around to make sure no one else would hear her talk.

 

 

  
"Someone like you deserves to die and have everything ripped out from their fingers but something tells me you know how that feels. If you wake up don't expect us to just kill you because that would be too good for you. We'll leave the decision up to Rick and if he spares you then consider yourself lucky."

 

 

  
After glaring at his unconscious body Michonne left the room to go make herself productive for the day.

 

* * *

 

 

_"I'm gonna kill you and nothing is gonna change that, nothing."_

 

 

Negan came out of the trance he was in and saw Rick looking at him strangely. The last couple of times it happened Negan thought it was just paranoia after seeing the shit in Rick's mind. But now that clearly wasn't the case. They were able to hole up in a house that wasn't collapsing into itself and it had been quite over the past days. Rick was more or so withdrawn and when they'd fuck he was overly submissive. While he appreciated the submission it was like he was screwing a corpse, he could even go out of his way to talk extra dirty but he still laid there. Even when he knew he hit Rick's prostate he didn't get the same reaction as he did previous times. It's like Rick just checked out while they were being intimate, he consented still but there was no passion or anger he just got off silently.

 

 

  
"It's happening again, where I see the same scene played out and you're telling me the same shit each time. The look in your eyes is real fucking empty and you look even more done with me than usual. And it's always in some spot in your community." Negan mentioned, his eyes fixated on Rick.

 

 

  
"Oh."

 

 

Negan crinkled his nose, "Oh? That's fucking all you have to say to that? I don't even get a 'I wish you were dead' ?"

 

 

  
"I don't wish you were dead." Rick deadpanned.

 

 

  
_Wait a fucking minute._

 

 

  
"Excuse the shit outta my goddamn french but what the hell did you just say?"

 

 

 

Rick glared, "You heard me so don't expect me to repeat myself."

 

 

  
"One minute you want me to kick the fucking bucket and now you just don't want to kill me?"

 

 

  
"I don't know if I got the energy to hate you fully anymore, I'm just too tired for it. That might change if we get outta this place but for now I don't want you dead." Rick deeply sighed. "Whether I enjoy it or not we're apart of each other so I may as well accept it."

 

 

 

It wasn't exactly the most flattering thing to be told but Negan would take it. He would take almost anything from Rick because it was worth the sex, the release of all that pent up sexual frustration. Whenever he was deep inside Rick his mind went somewhere pleasant for a while, rather than the ugly self hatred that clawed at him.  That didn't even happen when he fucked his wives, none of them satisfied that need inside of him.   

 

 

 

Negan got closer towards Rick who was still sitting there and started kissing along his neck, the low moan he heard was incentive to keep going.  His tongue lapped against the sensitive part in the other mans neck while his hands moved straight down to his jeans. Something about foreplay with Rick almost gave him a high, the sex was great but just kissing him set him on fire. And the way Rick's pale skin felt against his fingers was explosive. 

 

 

 

He chuckled against his neck, "Mmm you want me to fuck all that confusion away baby?"

 

 

 

"No, I just want you to fuck me."

 

 

 

Negan looked him up and down, "Okay Rick, that works for me."

 

 

 

The floor was sometimes their go to if it was just a rough fuck so Negan leaned them onto the ground and got on top of Rick.   Soon they were kissing aggressively, rubbing against each other, losing themselves in one another. This was the closest they'd get to something soft rather than destructive. Which is exactly what they were.  Their relationship wasn't alluring, it was more like addictive and Negan wouldn't have a problem saying he was addicted to having Rick like this. He stripped them both down as quickly as he could and kissed down Rick's chest.  His tongue teased Rick's pink nipples, licking, sucking, flicking his tongue against them.  

 

 

 

"Keep goin' please." Rick said breathlessly. 

 

 

 

"Do you mean with your nipples or something else entirely hmm?"  Negan purred.  "I can give you what you want, all you need to do is tell me exactly what the fuck that is."

 

 

 

Rick looked at him seductively, "Suck my dick."

 

 

 

"Sure thing, Rick." 

 

 

 

And just like Rick requested he traveled all the way down to his boxers and took them off swiftly.  He stared at Rick's glorious dick before giving it a good stroke to get things going, his hands went up and down in the perfect motion and he used spit as lube. The moans that were coming out of Rick were like a symphony to Negan's ears and it only encouraged him to put his mouth to work.  Negan put his mouth over Ricks member and started bobbing his head down, there was spit traveling down his mouth and it was making for a messy fucking blow job.  Which happened to be his favorite kind.   There had been a handful of guys that he'd fucked way before he met Rick but they weren't anything special, at least not to Negan.   He always craved someone who could match how fucked up he was and he'd found that in Rick.  

 

 

 

Rick ruffled his hands through Negan's dark hair, looking at how good he was sucking him off and admiring how he went the extra mile.  Despite Negan's many hang ups such as being a chaotic asshole he was good at pleasing him.  He pushed Negan's head down to urge him to deep throat it which he did.  Having this control over the older man was something he never though would happen because this whole time he'd be bending to Negan's will.  And now he was just bending over for him, for someone that he was supposed to hate with his whole being.  But the problem it seemed was that he was losing that hate more and more each day.  

 

 

 

"I'm gonna work you open so good."  Negan's fingers started entering Rick slowly, he used one finger at first just to get him comfortable. And then he moved onto two fingers which is when Rick started squirming with pleasure.

 

 

 

"Fuck." Rick growled when Negan hit his prostate. "Just fuck me."

 

 

 

"What'd you say? I can't hear you through all that moaning."

 

 

 

"I said fuck me, now."  Rick snapped. 

 

 

 

Negan pulled his fingers out and put his hands up in a surrender, "Don't have to snap at me cowboy, I'll stick my dick in that pretty hole right now."

 

 

 

He lined his dick up right near Rick's hole and slid inside, embracing how good it fucking felt. Negan didn't start going hard until he noticed Ricks face was falling flat almost, like he was craving that roughness that made sandpaper seem soft.  Once he started pounding away he noticed the shift in Rick's facial expression. They were going hard, he felt Rick's legs wrap around his back and that was the perfect moment to penetrate him deeper. 

 

 

 

Negan was really losing himself in Rick, he was really fucking addicted and didn't want that to stop. 

 

* * *

 

 

They left the house they were staying at because it was best not to settle anywhere in that place and Rick was worried they'd be found by something eventually.  After they fucked Rick kept thinking how dead he felt underneath it all and how deep down Michonne was too good for him.  He didn't deserve to be loved that delicately, to be loved so purely and beautifully.  That wasn't at all what he deserved at this point because of all the things he'd put their family through.  What he deserved was to be fucked roughly on cold floors, to have bite marks against his skin and to be destroyed on the outside.  Rick deserved to be hurt by Negan and that was apart of the misery that he was meant to experience in there. 

 

 

 

For some reason everything felt familiar to Rick like he'd been there before in their world and then it clicked once they arrived at a large stream. It was the same place that Sophia ended up when she ran off into the woods, where Rick left her to lure the walkers away.  All those memories that he'd thought were in the back of his head were coming up and images of Shane were hitting him. 

 

 

 

"Why are we here?"  Rick asked out loud.  "What the fuck is this?!"

 

 

 

"What's wrong?" 

 

 

 

Rick felt the anger pouring out of him, "You asshole! Get the fuck out here! Tell me why!"

 

 

 

"What's wrong brother?" Ash was appearing as Shane this time.  "No need to yell."

 

 

 

"Can you appear as someone else please? Anyone other than him." Ricks practically whispered.

 

 

 

"What? Can't look at the best friend you killed?"

 

 

 

Ash stepped closer towards the both of them but detoured towards Rick who was standing completely still, he was so close that it could be considered uncomfortable. And he could tell how this was fucking with Rick so badly, how it brought out so many emotions for him to see Shane, even if it wasn't him. 

 

 

 

"When you killed him, a part of you died with him y'know that?  You weren't even remotely the same after that moment. But shit you sure love to shove things to the back of your mind."  Ash whispered.  "I could arrange an actual visit with him, would ya like that?"

 

 

 

"No."  Rick looked away.

 

 

 

"I don't believe that's the case."

 

 

"Okay I think it's time we get the fuck outta here." Negan got ready to grab Rick's arm to pull him back but was flung backwards and got knocked out when his head hit the ground. 

 

 

 

"Can't have him disrupting this whole thing and this apart of what's meant to happen."

 

 

 

Rick gulped and didn't bother fighting it because he had no choice. "Just get it over with."

 

 

 

"You won't enjoy what happens next but it's necessary." Ash's finger tip pressed against his forehead and the whole atmosphere changed.

 

 

 

He was in that dark field just like that night, the full moon hanging in the air but still covered by dark grey clouds. Rick's whole body went still when he saw Shane standing there with his gun just like he did that night, only this time Rick had no weapon on him. While it seemed to be a repeat of what happened he didn't have his gun on him or knife for that matter. He knew what was coming next and it was unavoidable, just when Rick braced himself for a stab to the stomach he realized that wasn't happening. In fact Shane just stood there with his gun by his hip, the look on his face wasn't feral.

 

 

 

"Hey man." Shane said with a stoic look on his face.

 

 

  
"Shane? Is that actually you?"

 

 

  
_This couldn't be real, this just couldn't be._

 

 

  
"Yeah." Shane slowly nodded at him. "It's me."

 

 

  
"Are you gonna kill me?" Rick tried not to look in Shane's direction but failed. "If you are just do it now, don't drag this out."

 

 

  
"I ain't here to kill ya brother, I'm just here to talk. Can we do that?"

 

 

  
Rick stood frozen in his spot and nodded frantically.

 

 

  
"That knife really fuckin' hurt y'know? I mean in that moment I thought you meant what you were sayin'.. that we could go back. But then you killed me so you really didn't mean it obviously. After I died I didn't see no damn golden gates that's for sure but what I saw was darkness, like I was nowhere. That's mostly how it's been ever since that night but then that guy, whatever the fuck his name is said you were gonna talk to me."

 

 

  
"Well Ash is an asshole and I didn't wanna come here - I couldn't look at you again." Rick felt his heart breaking which was crazy because he thought he'd come to terms with this.

 

 

  
Shane rubbed the back of his head, "Do ya ever wish things ended up differently? With us, I mean?"

 

 

  
"Yeah, I have wished that but you gave me no choice. And I've come to terms with the fact that Judith ain't mine, not biologically at least. What I've become now, who I've become, I don't think you'd recognize me."

 

 

 

"From what I've been shown you're doin' fine for yourself, way better than my ass."

 

 

  
"Would you have killed me that night? If I was like how I am now, without any weapons."

 

 

  
Shane swallowed hard, "Back then I lost myself, Rick. That guy on the field with you that night wasn't me, not completely."

 

 

  
"You didn't answer my question."

 

 

  
"I think you already know the answer, man."

 

 

 

"I forgive you Shane.. for everythin'.. I don't think I ever really silently did that, never thought I would be capable of it. What I did brought me no joy, it was one of the most painful things I ever had to do."

 

 

  
Shane sniffed but in his own typical fashion didn't let much emotion show. "I'm sorry brother."

 

 

 

"So am I."

 

 

 

And the second after he said that he was suddenly back near the stream where Negan was cursing to himself. There was no one else around but them and it was probably better that way.

 

 

 

  
"Thank fucking god! You're back." Negan practically leaped to his feet.

 

 

  
"Please don't hug me."

 

 

  
"Sure thing, Rick. Where the fuck did you go?"

 

 

 

"I saw someone I used to know, someone that I killed." Rick's voice fell flat. "Anyways I don't wanna discuss it let's just keep walkin'.."

 

 

 

Negan could tell there was more to the story but wasn't about to press it. He lead them away from the stream and once again everything changed. That atmosphere switching bullshit was getting on his god damn nerves. They were standing in a hospital this time which happened to be the same one Lucille died in. Negan's stomach was turning and his mouth dry.

 

 

  
Neither of them uttered a single word while walking through what seemed to be an abandoned area. So far nothing was chasing them or trying to kill them so they weren't in any imminent danger for now. Negan knew he was getting closer to her room because he'd memorized the hallway. From the color of the walls the way his shoes squeaked on the floor and every detail possible. When Lucille was sick he always dreaded entering the hospital to see his wife's frail body, to watch her struggle to breathe properly, it was just a fucking mess. He sped past every room until he eventually got to Lucille's room and she wasn't laying on the hospital bed. Negan breathed a sigh of relief that he wouldn't have to relive that.

 

 

  
"My wife died in this room. She fucking died right at the end of the world. I always thought that was poetic.. the world ended right when mind." Negan croaked.

 

 

  
Rick hesitantly pat his shoulder, "I know how that loss feels, my wife died bringing Judith into the world."

 

 

  
Both men went quiet for a few moments and the air had a tinge of melancholy as well as acceptance. They weren't going to break into tears over their losses but it felt nice to share their bullshit.

 

 

  
Rick relaxed against one of the walls, when he closed his eyes he could see an image of him killing Negan. Everything was playing out in the same field they went into coma's and he was holding the other down, Ricks hands gripping his throat and not releasing until he felt Negan die. It was morbid to imagine the person that you've been fucking die because of you but he didn't feel all that bad. After everything the Saviors had put him and his family through it was the least he was allowed.

 

 

  
"We can't possibly be here on accident. There's a reason we got transported to this place."

 

 

  
"No shit, Rick."

 

 

  
Rick frowned, "I wasn't tryin' to be a smart ass."

 

 

  
"Sorry. I'm just on edge."

 

 

  
"You're like this all the damn time." Rick mumbled, he hoped Negan didn't hear him.

 

 

  
Negan frowned, "What the fuck did you say?"

 

 

  
"That you're always on edge even when you got no right for it."

 

 

  
"Well right now I got a fucking right, Rick."

 

 

  
"Let's not argue and figure out why we're here."

 

 

  
"Baby you look great, I always wanted you to grow your beard out."

 

 

  
Negan recognized that voice from anywhere, "Lucille?"

 

 

His heart was racing like a go kart and no words were forming out of his usually crass mouth.

 

 

  
"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" Lucille cocked her head.

 

 

  
"Is it really you or are you Ash 'cause I swear to fucking god..."

 

 

Lucille shook her head, causing her long dark hair to move. "No darling, it's me."

 

 

"I'll give you both a moment." Rick said before turning around to give them some distance.

 

 

  
He backed up enough that he couldn't hear but could see them talking to each other. This was obviously a big deal and he couldn't be that much of an asshole and awkwardly stand there. Not that he would ever have a problem any other time, but if he could talk to someone he'd lost he wouldn't want it interrupted. Maybe that was some sort of progression in terms of him and Negan. But then again that would all change if they were allowed to go home. What would happen to their 'relationship' if they got out of there, would things fade out like a sunset?

 

 

  
"It won't be that happy of a conversation." Ash whispered.

 

 

  
Rick didn't bother expressing shock by the demons random appearance because it had been like this since he met him. It was as casual as an afternoon breeze.

 

 

"Why not?"

 

 

"She won't tell him all the things he wants to hear." Ash shrugged.

 

 

"Wait why are you once again appearing as someone I don't know?"

 

 

"I figured it was time for a break."

 

 

For some reason Rick couldn't stop looking at the demon and the form he was appearing in. He had short dirty blonde hair and dark eyes that could pierce right through you. Definitely conventionally appealing which was probably the point. Why appear as something that will scare the shit out of someone when you can appeal to their eyes. It fucks with you so much more that way.

 

 

"You won't want to hear this but you weren't talking to Shane earlier... it was me." Ash almost sounded sorry.

 

 

"That was almost too good to be true anyways."

 

 

"But the reason I did that was to ease the misery a bit."

 

 

  
Rick narrowed his eyes in suspicion, "Why?"

 

 

"I like you, Rick. Not only are you fun to look at but you got spunk." Ash purred.

 

 

The demon moved closer and was pressing against Rick's side. "The things I'd do to you would make the sex you have with Negan seem vanilla."

 

 

Rick nervously gulped and almost responded until Negan came sulking towards him. The older man's facial expression was a cross between disappointed and saddened. Seeing him have nothing but sadness splayed across his face was different.

 

 

When their eyes locked Negan felt his knees buckle, he hated how affected he was by Rick. Every movement had him wondering if it meant more. It didn't obviously but why not hope shit? He was used to not having a normal relationship, his wives weren't with him because of mutual emotional ties. They were with him as a means to an end and that was it. Negan remembered how nervous Amber looked whenever he got close to her and it made him a bit sick to think about. He would likely get rid of the wives when or if he got back home. They wouldn't shed any tears and neither would he because they didn't love him, vice versa.

 

 

"What did ya'll discuss?" Rick questioned.

 

 

  
"She told me that I shouldn't blame myself but that I need to let her go. Which it's pathetic that I can't but fuck, she was perfect and I was a shitty husband. I cheated on her while she was sick, fucked some woman over and over while she laid in the hospital." Negan stared at the floor.

 

 

  
Rick didn't know if he should lend a sliver of comfort so he just stood there without talking. Thankfully Ash was still there so he was able to make the moment a little less awkward (surprisingly so.)

 

 

"So I've got good news and bad news. Which do you both want first?"

 

 

"Bad." They both said at the same time.

 

 

  
"Well the bad news is that from here on out things will be a lot harder than they were before. You'll want to stay away from each other but the pull will be intoxicating and destructive."

 

 

Rick's eyes went wide, "So do you mean that the good news is that -"

 

 

"That my boss thinks its time for you both to leave, yes. It's mainly so we can put our focus on the other sorry shits in here." Ash shrugged. "Don't think it's 'cause you're special."

 

 

"Aw you seem real fucking said to see us go." Negan teased. "Will ya miss me at least?"

 

 

  
Ash scoffed, "Not really but Rick on the other hand.. well I'm sure we'll see each other again."

 

 

  
_Why did the worst possible people or in this case beings hit on him?_

 

 

  
"Um when and how do we go get back?"

 

 

  
"The process isn't too complicated, I'll say an incantation and you'll need to shed some blood and share it somehow." Ash stifled his laugh. "Easy as pie as you humans say."

 

 

  
"I'd fucking drink Rick's jizz in a cup to get outta here." Negan cackled and turned to see a horrified Rick.

 

 

Ash coughed awkwardly, "Well lets get started, walk with me to a better area. Wouldn't want to be interrupted."

 

 

* * *

 

  
Who knew all it took were a few words chanted in Latin and blood sharing to get the fuck out of there. As thrill as Negan leave a place where he could be doggy chow again, he didn't know what he was excited to go back to. All that was left back home were walkers, destruction and a war that may never end. The only good outcome would be that Rick decided to stop coming after him, for them to resume how they were. And that sure as fuck wasn't going to happen so Negan would have to figure something out.

 

 

  
Ash had his eyes closed and kept chanting, _"Etenim omnes expertos ut hinc rursus corpus."_

 

  
The ground shook violently and Rick's fore arm was still dripping blood. He held his palm against the cut and the blood was wet against his hands. Blue eyes stared into hazel again but their eye contact broke as soon as Rick fainted. Negan felt himself becoming weak, his forehead was pounding and the last thing he saw was Ash waving in an obnoxious way.

 

 

  
"He's seizing!" Denise yelled. "They both are for some reason."

 

 

 

Michonnes eyes were flooding with tears, "No! Rick!"

 

 

 

"We have no choice but to let him ride it out. I don't know what else to do."

 

 

 

Rick was suddenly waking up with a scream so loud it could have broken glass. He was trembling all over and his body felt foreign to him because being outside of it for a while left him feeling off. On the inside he felt halfway dead. The warmth that was radiating from Michonne's touch wasn't even bringing him the same comfort. After all the trauma he'd been through he would need time and she could tell he did.

 

 

 

"Where's Negan?" Rick whispered to himself.

 

 

  
Right after that Negan woke up to restraints on his wrists. It made him feel like he was a fucking mental patient or maybe that he was in some kinky porno.

 

 

  
"Get these goddamn things off me!" Negan growled. "Right the fuck now."

 

 

Denise glanced back at Rick who nodded at her. She slowly released him from the wrist and ankle restraints.

 

 

"That's more like it.. thanks doll. "Negan winked.

 

 

"I'm in complete shock, you were both comatose and now you're waking up at the same time." Denise adjusted her glasses.

 

 

Negan shrugged, "Well doc I can't say we came out unscathed."

 

 

Everyone in the room stared at the both of them with confused looks on their face on what that meant. Rick didn't want to blurt out that they were in some hell dimension because no one would believe them. And not only that but it sounded crazy. What would happen was something even he could figure out and what Ash said was ringing in his head. How they wouldn't be able to stay away from each other, how fucking great is that.


	6. Lies on Top of Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is placed a few months later.  
>  
> 
> BTW I deleted the sequel & added the chapters from there to here. So if these next few chapters look familiar then that's why.

The shower was supposed to soothe Rick after the long day he had, instead he was hallucinating that blood was coming out of the shower head. Ever since he got back from that place he wasn't the same. He didn't feel the same either and that realization had him tangled up inside. No one could see how different he was which was alarming because at the very least Carl should see it.

 

 

It'd been two months since he got back and all the things that used to make him feel something no longer did. From Carl's laugh, Michonne's kisses or even standing in the room with all the people he loved. And he'd been faking emotions left and right just so he wouldn't have to explain himself.

 

 

No one knew where he went or that he went anywhere during his coma and he wanted to keep it that for several reasons. One reason being that he'd probably be labeled as crazy, second reason being he couldn't explain his experience properly, and thirdly he'd have to explain his connection to Negan. And none of them would get or want to. For now he was keeping a lid on the whole damn thing.

 

 

Rick turned off the shower swiftly but ended up curling up on the bathroom floor for ten minutes.

 

 

  
"Hey, Rick? Are you okay in there? Just tell me if you are." Michonne said calmly through the door.

 

 

  
"Uh, yeah. I'll be out in a few minutes."

 

 

  
_Lying to her won't get you anywhere._

 

 

  
Every time she asked him about if he could hear them during his coma or if he remembered anything at all he just changed the topic or lied. The usual lie was that he couldn't remember anything and that convinced her somehow. Rick knew that she wouldn't pry because eventually he told her what was on his mind. But this time he had no intentions of doing that.

 

 

  
"When you come out we need to discuss something. I'll be on the porch."

 

 

  
Rick got dressed and eventually met Michonne outside but internally prepared himself for whatever she was going to ask.

 

 

 

"You know you can tell me whatever's going on with you." Michonne cracked a small smile. "I can just tell that something's bothering you."

 

 

 

"Don't worry just - I'm fine."

 

 

 

Michonne sighed, "When you say that it seems like you've rehearsed it and I get that what you went through was difficult ..."

 

 

 

"I don't remember what happened so I can't say it was difficult. All I can say is that I'm back with the people I love and we'll deal with everythin' like we usually do."

 

 

  
The look on her face was telling him that she didn't fully believe that was the truth but Michonne didn't press him any further about it.

 

 

  
"Okay." Michonne nodded then kissed his lips lightly before walking away.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"What are we going to do about our situation with Negan?" Rosita asked boldly during one of their town meetings.

 

 

  
Before Rick could figure out a response to that Tara piped in beside her. "Yeah, I'm a little concerned myself. We let him live and we let him go back to the Sanctuary but he still wants to take from us."

 

 

  
"I understand everyone's concern but I couldn't just execute him on the spot. It's a lot more complicated than that especially after we tried to go to war. More people will die if we try that again."

 

 

  
"We can't live like this forever though so you need to sit down with him and figure this out at least." Michonne mentioned.

 

 

  
Gabriel stood up awkwardly, "Everyone please remember that Rick's been through an ordeal. And while he can't remember what happened he needs our support, right now he's doing the best he can for us."

 

 

  
Everyone that was attending murmured but most of them agreed with the ex priest. Rick felt some relief that the conversation didn't escalate any further than that.

 

 

  
Though he couldn't blame anyone for being mad about Negan.

 

 

He was still taking from them even after all that happened between them so he would have to discuss things.

 

 

Since he'd been back home they weren't sleeping together. And it was more difficult than Rick thought it would be. It actually ached to not be able to touch the other man which was a result of their soul connection. He was essentially the one running from their connection while Negan still chased him.

 

 

Sometimes he'd make sure they were alone in a room together but nothing would happen. They would just be discussing what Rick had in the inventory and maybe they'd stand a little too close but that's it.

 

 

Rick couldn't risk anyone finding out and he wasn't about to risk everything just for Negan.

 

 

 

At least that's what he wanted to believe.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Negan leaned against the wall in one of the storage rooms and tried to quell the shaking in his hands. He was biting down hard on his bottom lip and fidgeting. All day his people were looking for him but he was avoiding any responsibilities. In fact he was letting Simon take the reigns on the whole operation. What the fuck was the point of doing any of it anymore? In no way would he ever get back to being who he was before. Those days were definitely over and Rick pretty much wanted nothing to do with him.

 

 

He got the door open and ran into Arat immediately who looked a bit startled that he was hiding out. But she was a loyal soldier who never questioned him or questioned an order. She was pretty much the one person he could always count on besides Simon.

 

 

The silence wasn't awkward per se but she clearly wanted to say something but was waiting for him to speak.

 

 

"What is it? What have these assholes fucked up now?" Negan spat out.

 

 

"Uh sir, they're revolting. At least that's what I've heard."

 

 

"Is that so? Now tell me Arat, who the fuck did you hear that from?"

 

 

Arat stared at him straight ahead, "Well it's just been whispers sir and whoever it was didn't know I heard them."

 

 

"I want you to line up all of my Saviors, every single fucking one of em. I don't care if they've been naughty or nice this year. We're gonna figure this out."

 

 

She nodded once then walked off to do exactly what he was asking of her. Negan was ready to bash some assholes skull in. If for some reason Dwight was the one trying to betray him he'd take extreme pleasure out of fucking him up. Killing him would be way too easy and plus he'd probably never hear the end of it from Sherry.

 

 

  
Negan was struggling with getting a handle on his emotional stability (not like he had much) and everything seemed harder than before. What he thought he could handle in terms of leadership he didn't think he could now. Everyone was always asking him what their fucking game plan was. If he would make Alexandria suffer for trying to go to war. Whether or not he should just take everything and kill them. And he'd considered all of that shit. But the only reason he didn't rain hell on them is because of Rick. Who apparently didn't want him anymore. They were floating over what they could have, could be together and Rick just didn't want to dive in.

 

 

  
And that made him feel like a fucking idiot for even lingering around like this.

 

 

 

  
His heart was pounding through his ears and his fingers were trembling again. Negan cursed under his breath before making his way to where he usually gave his speeches. He waited at the top level and all the Saviors started to line up below him. The second after Negan did a quick head count he mentally confirmed that everyone was there.

 

 

 

"So I heard that at least one of you is trying to pull a Trojan horse on me. And I gotta say that's really fucking stupid but today we're gonna figure out who it is." Negan rubbed his hands together maniacally.

 

 

  
"No need to."

 

 

The crowd singled out who was talking and of fucking course it was Dwight who was standing alone. At least this could have been shocking or hilarious but it was neither. All the times he genuinely trusted this burnt faced fuck were for nothing because he was gunning for him. Not like he didn't have reasons but Sherry wasn't worth what was about to happen. She was living the high life and going back to Dwight would mean struggling again. The system at the Sanctuary obviously wasn't perfect but unless you were with him then it meant working. And Sherry loved her expensive ass liquor it seemed. It seemed that she loved it a little more than she loved Dwight.

 

 

 

"It was me! I'll admit that I've been secretly consorting with Rick and his group.. I wanted to take you down for what you've done to me." Dwight glared in his direction. "Go ahead, bash my brains in or burn my face again. I don't even care."

 

 

  
Negan pursed his lips, "Oh Dwighty boy. You've put me in quite the predicament 'cause well I trusted you and you've betrayed that fucking trust. So what do I do? Kill you? Burn you? Throw you in the god damn hole?"

 

 

  
"Already said I don't care."

 

 

  
"Let's not be dramatic since I know you don't like any of those options especially the oh I don't know, dying part. Sherry won't be waiting for you on the other fucking side. That's what this about right? How I'm boinking your wife.. or I mean ex wife."

 

 

  
He could see that Dwight was visibly getting angrier by the second which is exactly what he wanted. Something about watching someone want to lash out was thrilling. Negan walked down the steps so he could approach Dwighty boy. No one even moved a muscle, no one was even breathing loudly. They were watching intently as the two of them were almost forehead to forehead.

 

 

  
Dwight breathed out hard, "Kill me if you're going to but keep her out of this."

 

 

  
"I don't plan to do either. This is your fucking one and only warning, next time I won't be so damn nice. For the next while I'll have someone watching you day in and day out. Got it?"

 

 

  
"Got it." Dwight said reluctantly.

 

 

 

"Alright now get back to work assholes, we've got shit to take care of around here!" Negan called out.

 

 

  
They all walked away without saying another word and Negan finally got his sigh of relief out. Having to be that way was exhausting sometimes. He was feeling pretty impulsive so he decided to ask Arat and Simon to come along with him for a drive. Something about seeing Rick right now would be great.

 

* * *

 

 

For some reason Rick took a nap in someone else's house after checking out what was inside. The people that were living in it previously were long dead. And while to anybody else it seemed insensitive he just didn't care. He was drifting off into sleep but somehow he started to lucid dream.

 

 

Rick was in the field where he killed Shane and he saw his best friend take the gun from his hands. Instead of stabbing him just like he did in real life he embraced him. They were holding onto each other tightly like nothing even happened. When in reality letting him live would have bit him in the ass later. Rick was crying into the shoulder of the person he'd never get back. All those memories they used to share sat in the back of his mind now. His old life had collected so much dust since that night. The only thing he had left in the world was the family he'd created, the ones that were left. But damnit if he didn't miss Shane, miss laughing with him and hearing him tell stupid stories. The nostalgia was brutal and he was able to make this dream into whatever he wanted.

 

 

  
"I'm sorry man." Shane sobbed against him.

 

 

  
His knees were too weak and they collapsed to the cold ground beneath them, knees getting a bit damp.

 

 

  
"I know you are, Shane. I know you are."

 

 

  
Shane's lips brushed lightly against his neck, it didn't feel out of place for his mouth to be there either. He let the brushes turn into kisses. The dream wasn't supposed to go like this at all but Rick was curious to see what would happen if his mind let it.

 

 

It didn't take long for them to start kissing and for some reason or another he enjoyed it. There were times where he found his best friend attractive so I guess it made sense. When he opened his eyes a little he could see someone standing off in the distance and their eyes were black.

 

 

  
Then he woke up abruptly because someone was shaking him awake, the person was Michonne who looked alarmed but not too much.

 

 

"What? What happened? Are the kids okay? Is everyone okay?"

 

 

  
Michonne released the breath that she was holding, "He's here for some reason.. Negan I mean. He isn't here for a tribute though, all he wants is to see you."

 

 

  
"Of course he does."

 

 

  
Her hands rubbed down his arm. "Maybe talk to him about our 'arrangement' see if he's willing to back off."

 

 

  
"I'll see what I can do." Rick nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

Wanting this was like wanting to be slowly poisoned because that's exactly what this was. When he was around Negan it was like he was slowly killing himself and enjoying it. But sometimes dying seemed like a better alternative than this world. He was fighting for freedom from the person that he'd fucked several times. How messed up was that? And how would anyone look at him if they found out this was happening? Probably no better than he looked at himself sometimes.

 

 

At first when he walked to the gate to let Negan in he had absolutely no intentions of letting them get physical today. Rick had made sure that the older man knew it wouldn't happen again. But that all changed when they finally found a place to sit alone and Negan got up in his personal space. They were making out pretty viciously and a spark of emotion barreled through him. The fact that the one person who could ignite a fire in him was Negan made him feel..strange. He really wasn't himself anymore.

 

 

Rick wrapped his legs around him and was suddenly being lifted up into the air. They were against the wall where he felt Negan grinding into him. He let out a soft moan because anyone could be lurking around. Last person he wanted to see him getting hot for the asshole who has rolled over them was Carl. He ripped his face away from the kisses and said for Negan to let go of his legs.

 

 

  
"Oh my fucking god, you've gotta be kidding me." Negan groaned. "You want me, I want you, it's that goddamn simple."

 

 

  
"No! If you think this is simple then you've got no brains. I can't be with you or secretly with you.. no matter how much I'm pulled towards you."

 

 

  
"Why the fuck not? You've already cheated on Michonne, all your people will eventually realize this shit."

 

 

  
Rick put his finger up in warning, "No they won't and you won't tell."

 

 

 

"Someones gotten a big too fucking bold I see. That slutty mouth of yours is good for other things but threats ain't one of them. The last time you threatened me ended badly."

 

 

  
"I meant it when I said I'll kill you."

 

 

  
"Sure you fucking did." Negan smirked before letting his finger travel against Rick's pale skin. "Do you wanna kill me now?"

 

 

  
"Yes."

 

 

"Answer honestly."

 

 

  
"No." Rick glared at him for forcing that answer of him. "Why did you come here today? To fuck me?"

 

 

  
"I needed to see you is all and well a good fuck would be a bonus."

 

 

  
"Good luck on that." Rick mumbled.

 

 

  
Asking for something now would seem like an asshole move but he had to take his chances. Rick pinched the bridge of his nose and focused what to say next. Since he really wasn't in the position to be looking for anything it would be tricky. He could use sex as a way to manipulate Negan but that was low. And he would unfortunately feel bad about that. No matter how hard he tried to genuinely hate the man he couldn't do it now. Before he was able to envision how much he wanted Negan to die.

 

 

  
"Since you came all this way I thought you should know again that my people want a better deal than this."

 

 

  
Negan quirked his eye brows almost looking surprised. "Seriously? You wanna put that on the damn table again? My answer is always the fucking same, so what you thought we could fuck and you'd get what you wanted?"

 

 

  
"Actually no..but we need to discuss this either way and you know that. Otherwise we'll have bigger fish to fry than whatever the hell we are."

 

 

  
"C'mon Rick you already know what we are." Negan pointed out. "But fine what are you demands?"

 

 

  
"We want you to stop takin' from our community at least and we'll work out a trade system eventually but we're runnin' low on supplies."

 

 

"How is that my fucking problem? You're supposed to get a handle on this shit Rick, as their leader."

 

 

"Don't pull that shit." Rick hissed. "They'll go to war again if they have to..whether I want that or not."

 

 

  
"So you don't wanna go to war again? Is that what you're telling me Rick?"

 

 

  
"I don't want that but I may not have a choice if you don't at least take this into consideration."

 

 

  
That was really all Rick wanted him to do, was to finally take something into consideration rather than continuing to make things worse. Everything was barely holding on by a fucking thread and Rick couldn't live like that anymore. Emotions were so fleeting that he almost would rather be dead. And no one could know he felt like that, that he wanted to just give up.

 

 

  
"Fine." Negan grunted. "I'll take it into consideration but that's fucking it. You understand me? Whatever I decide you need to remember what happens if you cross me."

 

 

  
"Trust me, I know. And by the way none of that was to manipulate you but if we start down that road we'll never stop."

 

 

  
"Whatever Rick, you're just running and you can't run forever gorgeous. Once your feet finally get tired in those boots of yours, find me."

* * *

 

 

Later that night he was laying down next to Michonne who was fast asleep but they weren't spooning. Some nights he could bring himself to do that but tonight he couldn't. Even looking at her was a little too difficult because he had slept with their enemy. The man that she indefinitely wanted dead.

 

 

Ricks eyes closed shut and he drifted off to sleep then he woke up in his dream again. Only this time he was in the prison and it wasn't over run with walkers. From what he could see nothing looked strange or off. He slowly walked through a place he once called home. Back when they first arrived he was so certain they would build a future there. They would rebuild inside those walls, continue to flourish, have relatively normal lives again. And eventually they would have tried to rebuild society. Rick had put down his gun for a while just for the sake of everything. Not only that but for the sake of himself and now that couldn't be the case. He was always on edge whether it was with Negan or his people. They were constantly depending on him to make it all better but he couldn't provide them with the proper answers. Going to war wasn't the right option anymore, he couldn't and wouldn't lose anyone else because of his decision making. The rest Abraham and Glenn were dead was because of him. Negan may have lifted Lucille and bashed their heads in but he was stupid to believe no consequences would come.

 

 

 

"We didn't know each other that long, Rick. But it feels like I know you so well."

 

 

  
Ricks eyes opened when he recognized the voice. "Um, who - who are you?"

 

 

  
"Wow you totally didn't recognize me when I appeared in your dream the other night? It's me.. Ash."

 

 

  
"Oh fuck."

 

 

  
"That's probably the appropriate response to me appearing in your dreams since I can do a lot just like this,"

 

 

 

Rick gulped and took a few steps backwards so he was able to bolt up the steps if need be. Not that it would do much for him given the fact that Ash was faster. "What do you want from me? I finally got out and you had your fun."

 

 

  
"Actually, no. The fun I wanted to have was completely detoured because of Negan. Which I get it you're destined to be together pretty much. It's just we'd have so much more fun if you'd just let it happen." Ash purred.

 

 

  
"No."

 

 

  
"Sorry, what?"

 

 

  
"I don't want that." Rick was getting ready to force himself awake. "Don't make this anymore difficult for me."

 

 

  
"You've been having a hard time, I can feel how dead you are inside and no one knows do they?" Ash bit his bottom lip. "They can't even tell that their leader is all damaged. Basically you're just like a walker except without the ugly rotting flesh and the need to eat human meat. Unless you're cannibalistic all of a sudden."

 

 

  
Rick gritted his teeth, "Leave me alone."

 

 

 

"Is this form not desirable to you?" Ash narrowed his eyes. He was dressed in all black and had short dark hair with a light brown tone to his skin. "I'm appearing as someone I grew found of torturing downstairs. His name was Alex, he was this beautiful Mexican-American guy. Keyword 'was'.. don't remember what happened to him."

 

 

 

"Please just let me wake up."

 

 

  
"Would you prefer I looked like someone else?"

 

 

  
Rick closed his eyes to see if that would help him wake up any quicker but nothing was working. All he saw when he opened his eyes were hands on his mouth. He tried fighting it so hard that his bones ached, then his legs were suddenly giving out and he hit the prison floor. Ash wasn't appearing as the guy he was before, he looked like Shane. And the panic was settling in because anything could happen. 

 

 

  
"No..no..no.." Ricks voice was muffled through the hand on his mouth. "Please don't do this."

 

 

  
"Y'know what man.. I've always wanted this." Ash's hand crept down and Rick felt them squeeze at him through his jeans.

 

 

  
The tears were flooding from Rick's eyes because what was about to happen he couldn't stop if he tried. His boots were slipping against the prison floor, his hands were laying flat and he could feel the cold smooth surface. In a desperate attempt he tried to hit the demon away but it was no use. Ash took his hands off his mouth and one good punch to the face and Rick was out in his dream.

 

 

 

  
Rick woke up in his bed back in Alexandria with a wild head ache and his nose hurt. He saw blood on his hands that was there one minute then gone the next. The space next to him was empty which made sense because the time read 12:00 on his watch. As he tried to roll out of bed he grimaced, something felt wrong. Rick shifted but his body hurt so badly that he cried out. Once he got up he could feel his ass stinging. He nervously ran to the bathroom to check himself out the best he could. With one leg on the counter and the other set on the ground he stuck his finger inside himself. He took his finger out and saw trickles of blood then his stomach began to curdle. The realization of what happened made him lift the toilet seat so he could puke up bile. Since he had nothing to empty out it was just bile, the taste was thick in his mouth.


	7. Volcanic Eruptions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for this chapter i delivered a lot of destructive regan goodness + a tender richonne scene.

Not being able to sleep was a real pain in the fucking ass and not only that but Negans mind was constantly fixated on Rick. The last time they saw each other was semi pleasant what with them almost fucking and all. Until he was being told that they couldn't be anything to each other. Not even fuck buddies. As unemotional as Negan wanted to appear majority of the time, he was still fragile. Especially after escaping that hell dimension, something had twisted inside him causing him to be more emotionally unstable. And with his whole anger problem that wouldn't prove to be good for anyone. What he wanted to do was just fuck one of his wives, pound away his frustration but all he would think about is Rick. Those baby blues, those torn up jeans, his chestnut brown hair, how his moans sound like a glorious melody. Every single fucking thing was angelic about Rick fucking Grimes. And he was essentially the devil compared to him, the one who creeps up behind him and causes him to sink into deep dark water. Not that the Alexandria leader was innocent to start with but something about him was still heroic, still human.

 

 

  
Negan wasn't blind to the type of person he was by any means, in fact he'd be the first to admit that he was a shitty fucking person. His wives would tell him the same thing, every one of the communities he takes from would, even his own people would. But the only person he wanted to see him differently was Rick. Whenever he'd think about going to his community to tell Michonne about them just to break them up, a small voice would say 'he'd hate you more' and that was true. Rick would never even forgive him if he laid out all their dirty deeds. Eventually the truth would come out and when it did he'd been worse off.

 

 

  
So Negan decided he'd just sit pretty until the younger man came to his senses about their relationship. No one was going to make him feel like he could, not even Michonne because Rick had opened that dark side of him wide open the moment they screwed. And whether or not he admitted it to Rick he loved how much he'd corrupted him in such a short amount of time. Them together could be glorious if Rick took that stick right out of his perky ass.

* * *

 

Over the course of several days Rick wouldn't even leave his bedroom and lied to Michonne saying he was sick. That his body just felt weak for some reason that he couldn't figure out. Which being the type of person she was everything was made comfortable for him. No questions asked and no prodding. All the tenderness, sweet kisses to the forehead that sent chills down his spine, he didn't deserve it. He was a used up rag that needed to be tossed out. But she wasn't seeing it, wasn't seeing how broken he was no matter how apparent it was.

 

 

Rick rolled over on his side to escape the light that was inevitably peaking through the window.

 

 

His body had been violated more than once since the first time he got raped and it wasn't always sex either because Ash just had to humiliate him. It was all apart of some sick twisted game that Rick still didn't understand. Rick was too weak to defend himself even in his dreams which were beginning to chip away at any dignity he had left.

 

 

Rick forced himself to stay awake even though his eyes were fluttering shut every few seconds. Even though he was faking being sick he still felt so exhausted that he may as well be. Every muscle in his body ached, his ass hurt and his legs felt like he ran five hours straight. Sleeping would help and hurt him.

 

 

  
"No. Stay awake..stay awake..stay awake." Rick whispered to himself.

 

 

His eye lids were starting to shut again and he lost the fight.

 

 

 

In his dream he was laying down in front of the barn at Hershel's old farm, back when he was staying there with his group. The group that slowly died off one by one until the only people left from the beginning were him, Carl, Daryl and Carol. His hands were covered in dirt and dead walker bodies were now surrounding him. They were the same ones that came out of the barn that day. Rick remembered how it felt to see Shane lose his shit once again, everyone was frightened and then Sophia came out..dead. He still could hear the sobs coming out of Carol, scrambling towards her now dead child. It was back when he still had a naive view on the world which he eventually discarded. Now he was able to kill without blinking. Sometimes it scared him how easy it had become.

 

 

Rick tried to get himself off the ground to see what exactly was in store for him this time until someone pushed him down again. Their boots were pressing hard into his back causing him cry out. The presence felt familiar and it could only mean that it was someone he knew..just like last time. Fear was running wild inside his body.

 

 

  
"Y'know back when you an' Shane weren't at each other's throats he really did admire you. And I mean really  **admired**  you. C'mon Rick, you couldn't notice when he'd stare at you a little too long?"

 

 

  
That deep drawl was Ash posing as Shane again which made him feel ill. He could literally pose as anyone but decided that looking like Shane would take it to a different level. 

 

 

  
Rick swallowed his fear whole, "Get on with it."

 

 

  
"I wasn't done talkin' which is another problem he had with you. He always had a better understandin' of the new world than you. Was a better father than you, was a better surrogate husband for Lori. Quite frankly you weren't shit then."

 

 

  
"One thing he didn't wanna think of were his unaddressed feelings for you, Rick." Ash laughed above him. "All those dirty ass thoughts he had.. y'know one time he thought of pining you down just like this."

 

 

Ash was now on top of his body, pressing his hard length against his ass. "Of course he imagined it in the most consensual way possible. Then he went right back to thoughts of fuckin' your wife. I guess you weren't enough for him even."

 

 

  
"Fuck...you." Rick spat. "You're nothin' more than a cheap imitation of him."

 

 

  
"Well he's dead 'cause of you Rick."

 

 

All the buried pain from having to kill Shane in the first place started to rise up again, it was flooding in him. Rick tried to wake himself up but a force wasn't letting him so he just laid still while the demon straddled him. A warm mouth was pressing against his neck now then rough hands pulled down his jeans and boxers exposing his bare ass. Tears were now coming out of his eyes that he couldn't control. He had to let it happen.

 

 

  
"Look at this perfect ass, no wonder Negan loves it so much."

 

 

  
The demon didn't care about foreplay (of course not, it was rape) so he just lifted his ass up a little bit so he could slide inside him. Filling him completely with an unwanted length. Rick was falling into the emotionless spiral he'd been in, he felt nothing now, not even the disgust and pain that he should be. The last few times were like that so why was it so easy to feel nothing right now?

 

 

  
With each thrust he started to float away like some kite that a kid lost their grip on. Ricks brain shuffled between thoughts of him feeling dead inside, to him being a worthless piece of garbage, that he deserved to be dead and deserved to be raped. And then he went back to feeling like a walker, a corpse walking around endlessly, until someone put an end to his misery.

 

 

Maybe Michonne would see him for what he was and end things.

 

 

Even Negan would grow tired of him eventually.

 

 

  
People always left him anyways and he deserved it.

 

 

  
The thrusting continued until his hole was bleeding, the ring of muscle felt sore and raw. He got pushed onto his back so that he could look into the eyes of the best friend he killed. Rick was staring into black eyes that winked at him seductively.

 

 

  
"I'll see ya next time."

 

 

 

Rick was shivering when he woke up from his nap and soft hands were rubbing the sweat from his forehead. It was still relatively light outside which meant that he didn't pass out for the whole day. "How long was I asleep for?"

 

 

  
"Less than a half hour. You looked worried in your sleep though, are you sure its just a cold?" Michonne's voice was soft and warming as usual. Something in her eyes seemed even more gentle at the moment.

 

 

 

"Yeah..just a cold."

 

 

 

Michonne gave him a look of concern, "You just don't normally get sick and Carl's worried its something serious. So please tell me you don't have some crazy sickness like what happened at the prison."

 

 

  
"No." Rick reached for her hand that she gladly let him hold. "It's really just a cold.. so don't um, worry. Is everythin' okay out there?"

 

 

  
"Everyone's okay and they just want you back on your feet so get some more rest."

 

 

  
"Actually can you stay.. here with me. You know how hard it is for me to sleep again after a nap."

 

 

  
"I'll stay only 'cause I don't get sick that easily." Michonne joked before climbing into bed right beside him.

 

 

  
"We're you as worried as everyone else that I wouldn't wake up?"

 

 

  
"Yes and secretly no."

 

 

  
Rick looked over at her with curious eyes, "Explain that to me if you can."

 

 

  
"You've always bounced back no matter what it is, every obstacle we've faced you've come back from it. I know you're still human and you bend and break just like the rest of us. It's just that.. Rick you're special, one of the special people left in this world. And that's why I knew you'd wake up not because I love you but because you're you."

 

 

  
"Ya'll give me way too much credit. I'd be nothin' without any of you." Rick murmured.

 

 

  
Michonne shook her head at his response, "No, we'd be nothing without you."

 

* * *

 

 

  
The bed stopped squeaking the moment Negan came on Sherry who was immediately annoyed with him. She was only there for her own benefit and every now and again they'd have some aggressive sex. But for the most part he knew she wouldn't even give him a second glance if he had nothing to offer. Negan tossed a clean cloth in her direction which she wiped herself off with.

 

 

"What's got you so hung up?" Sherry had a cigarette in her mouth that she lit up, breathing the smoke out. "And why didn't you ask one of the other girls if they wanted to have sex?"

 

 

 

"You don't bullshit that's why."

 

 

 

Sherry cocked an eye brow, "So because I don't bullshit you wanna sleep with me the most?"

 

 

  
"Pretty much and I need to get my mind off something or rather someone."

 

 

"Who?"

 

 

"Why the hell do you wanna know?" Negan furrowed his brows.

 

 

  
"I don't really care but I'm curious and since it brings you so much agitation it gives me some satisfaction."

 

 

  
Negan bellowed out a laugh, clutching his naked stomach. "Fuck, you kill me sometimes. But for your information it's someone you don't know and he's a real spit fire."

 

 

  
"You're into guys?"

 

 

"Yeah, what the fuck's wrong with that?"

 

 

  
"Nothing is but can't say it surprises me." Sherry said with a hint of amusement.

 

 

  
Sometimes he had to wonder if it was that obvious that he was bisexual like before the apocalypse a lot of guys hit on him. But now he had an issue with weeding out anyone who was gay. If you hit on someone who has got no interest or is straight then it's awkward as all fuck. 

 

 

 

Negan's mind was going places it shouldn't again, right back to Rick. There was one day in particular that had him reeling with excitement and it was the first pick up ever. When he arrived early he was wanting to see Rick, to surprise the fuck out of him. And he was greeted immediately with that glare that could turn your body to ice, how he said 'you're early' and practically hissed at him.

 

 

Then that moment in their pathetic as fuck pantry at the time, how Rick looked at his lips like a hungry wolf waiting to rip apart its meal. Holy fucking shit that was hot. Negan absentmindedly licked his lips then caught how Sherry was staring at him.

 

 

  
"You're  _so_   hung up on somebody, who is it?"

 

 

  
"No one." Negan snapped aggressively.

 

 

  
"I know you, when you get mad like that it means you're overwhelmed. Obviously I won't tell anyone."

 

 

  
Confessing to someone other than himself would make it more real than it already it is, the whole thing wouldn't be a ghost haunting him every night. His feelings or whatever the hell he could call this would be out in the open. Whether he told Sherry or someone else. But maybe letting it out would cause him to sleep better or it'd be out of his system.

 

 

  
"I don't know if I've mentioned it much but it's Rick.. Rick Grimes."

 

 

  
"You mean the leader of that community you've been taking from? The guy you've brought up countless times? That same Rick?"

 

 

  
Negan scoffed, "I wouldn't call it countless fucking times. Maybe once or twice."

 

 

  
"Whatever you say." Sherry slipped on her little black dress and grabbed her panties from the floor. "Look, you want my advice? Stay away from him, from the way you've described him..he's too good for you."

 

 

 

"So what does that say about you ladies then?"

 

 

  
"We're only here for us, not for you."

 

* * *

 

 

  
Rick was 'back on his feet' just in time for the next pick up was he was in no way looking forward to. In fact the nervousness casually went up a notch so it was making it harder to breathe. When he told Negan that they weren't going to have sex again it was almost painful to admit. And that was likely because of the soul bond not because he genuinely want the man. Still, even before he knew about the soul connection the pull towards the older man was there.

 

 

The Saviors rolled up outside of the gate just like they always did and Negan got out first as he always did. As soon as their eyes locked Rick felt like he was being punched in the lungs.

 

 

_Don't look at him...don't look at him.. don't look at him you fucking idiot._

 

 

"Howdy Rick, open those gates wide for me." Negan's tone was suggestive and he even flashed him a quick wink.

 

 

  
Rick said nothing still and pried the gates open for the big bad wolf that constantly devoured him.

 

 

  
"Did you miss me or did.. you.. miss me."

 

 

  
"I didn't." Rick said coldly with a shrug of his shoulders that wasn't even half convincing.

 

 

  
"Oh please that's a crock of fucking bullshit." Negan whispered before shouting to his Saviors. " Alright ladies and gentleman you know the drill by now."

 

 

  
All of his little soldiers fanned out into the community with their guns in hand and aggressive looks. Rick wondered what it'd be like to be that powerful again, to have people shaking in their boots for him. No one did that anymore because they'd established a more peaceful way in Alexandria. Even though it was more human what they had going on he still missed being feared almost to that degree. Rick turned to walk and was soon being followed by the older man who wouldn't shut up.

 

 

  
"Are you fucking listening to me Rick? Or do you need to be taught a lesson?" Negan was up in his personal space again but it caused him to shiver instead of shake with anger.

 

 

  
"Yeah. I was."

 

 

  
Negan narrowed his amber colored eyes at him, "Hmm somehow I doubt that but just because I like you so damn much I'll let it slide."

 

 

  
"You don't like me."

 

 

  
"Actually I do.. I like you and parts of you."

 

 

  
Rick checked to make sure no one was around before he leaned in close to keep their conversation private. "Please don't make a scene here. Someone could hear you then I'm fucked."

 

 

  
"Do you wanna be?"

 

 

  
"What?"

 

 

"Fucked." Negan pressed his lips against his ear lobe. "We could do it real quick in that house over there."

 

 

  
"No."

 

 

  
"Why the fuck not? Your girlfriend still has no clue that you bounced on my dick like it was a Pogo stick?"

 

 

 

Rick shot him a cold glare, "No."

 

 

  
"A little relationship advice, it's best not to lie to your partner because once they find out you lied then it's all down hill from there. I'd never lie to you, Rick. Not even a teeny tiny fib because that's just the type of guy I fucking am."

 

 

  
"No you're a sadistic asshole."

 

 

  
"Watch your god damn tone, cowboy." Negan had a firm grip on his shoulder now and wasn't letting go.

 

 

  
"Or what?"

 

 

 

  
What possessed Rick to allow the older man to drag him into one of the empty houses with Arat lingering outside was beyond him. At first he was just challenging Negan to show that he still had backbone. And that attempt at displaying backbone was what caused him to submit. He hated himself for wanting someone this awful so badly. At times he'd be a relatively decent person, until he wasn't.

 

 

  
His shirt was getting unbuttoned but didn't get shed because Negan apparently wanted this to be quick. Lips were traveling from his lips, to his neck, to his light pink nipples. Rick let out a breathy moan when the kisses went to his navel. For some reason they were on the floor near the entrance to the house. And Negan was doing all the work for once.

 

 

  
Negan was soon swallowing him whole and deep throating his dick so good his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He was grasping for dark hair and tugging hard just so it would hurt. But the older man didn't seem to take any displeasure in it, instead he was moaning for him to go harder. Rick was silently cursing himself for allowing this to happen but continued. He closed his eyes so he could forget it was Negan but the slurping noises made it difficult.

 

 

 

Just when he was expecting to be told to take the lead he wasn't by any means. Rick watched as Negan moved his mouth from his length all the way to his ass, he lifted his legs up to gain access. And he started eating him out like he was his only meal of the day. The sensation of this always drove Rick nuts because the pleasure was over the top, sending his body into over drive. He was addicted to how it felt to be with Negan and a small part of him was addicted to the man himself. And nothing good could come of that, soul connection or not.

 

 

  
"Oh my god. Please fuck me." Rick blubbered out pathetically. "Please."

 

 

  
Negan came up for air for a second, "You'll get it soon, I promise darlin'."

 

 

  
_Don't call me darling._

 

 

  
Then he felt a tongue invading him again, licking inside the tight muscle and tongue fucking the hell out of him. Rick was shaking like a volcanic eruption the deeper Negans tongue went inside him. And just when he couldn't take it anymore that's when he was given what he really desperately wanted. Just not in the way he was expecting to. Negan positioned himself on top of him. Soon his hands were taking hold of his leaking dick and Rick gasped loudly then stroked a couple times.

 

 

  
"I'm gonna fuck the holy fucking hell out of you but this time I'll ride you." Negan winked. "Now, I don't normally do this but I wanna watch your face as I sink down onto this beautiful dick of yours. And besides I even prepped for this ahead of time."

 

 

 

Without another word Negan was positioning himself a bit better before his hole was swallowing Rick's length. They both moaned out loud as Negan rocked experimentally, rolling his hips slowly and smirking at him.

 

 

Once they finally got a pace going Rick felt his whole body lighting on fire as he felt the older man bounce on his dick. There was something more electric about being rode like this. And when he started to thrust at an aggressive pace he felt the destructive nature of their relationship.

 

 

The fire in Negan's eyes as he was being fucked into like a toy. Rick was going at a relentless pace too which neither of them seemed to mind and he knew when he hit Negan's sweet spot. All that cockiness slipped away in that moment, his eyes rolled to the back of his head.

 

 

  
He did it again and again until Negan was practically passing out on top of him. But they kept fucking until neither of them could anymore then Rick was cumming inside a loosened hole, all his handiwork. And Negan's warm cum shot out all over his stomach, covering it, making it sticky.

 

 

  
Negan stayed in position for a few seconds until he climbed off, his long legs were shaking so bad he collapsed to the floor.

 

 

  
"Wow." Rick grunted out.

 

 

  
"That was fucking good wasn't it, told you."

 

 

  
"I can't disagree with that but we should get back. Everyone is probably wonderin' where we went and I don't want Carl or someone to find us."

 

 

  
"Are you really that fucking ashamed of what we have?"

 

 

  
Rick was sighing and not because he was annoyed this time. "Yes 'cause you're the one whose made our lives worse. You killed people that were family to me and other people here. Am I supposed to just forget that?"

 

 

  
"Actually Rick, yeah you fucking are because it's over. I can't change the past and what happened that night was because of your stupid fucking decision to kill over twenty people in one of my outposts. You thought that I wouldn't retaliate?"

 

 

"No but -"

 

 

"By now I thought you would get that you're no goddamn better than me. That we're almost one in the fucking same, I don't like killing people all the time but I fucking have to. Without order there is no civilization, without rules the world is even more fucked than it is. The rules keep my people alive, how many people have you lost before I came along?"

 

 

_Too many._

 

 

 

Rick quickly got his boxers and pants back on and buttoned up his shirt. "This can't happen again. I'm serious this time."

 

 

  
"Sure you're serious. Just like I'm serious when I say I'm Tony the fucking Tiger."

 

 

  
"Please.. let's just go out there like nothin' happened."

 

 

  
"Whatever you say." Negan huffed out a laugh. "But just remember who fucked on the floor of this house. Maybe I'll make this my vacation home."

 

 

  
"I can't stop you."

 

 

  
"No you can't. You'll be wise to remember that shit."

 

 

How Rick still had the capacity to be sexual with someone after being raped in his dreams night after night was worrisome. He remembered how easy it had been lately to go numb when Ash was assaulting and violating his body. And what would he say anyways? 'Oh a demon rapes me in my sleep and I can feel the aftermath when I wake up.'

 

 

 

Even if he told Negan about it what could he do?

 

 

 

Rick wiped the sweat off his face and tried to pretend nothing in this house that may or may not have been home for somebody else. For some reason the older man had been waiting for him to come out. They exchanged looks and went on like they usually did, walking down the streets of Alexandria together.

 


	8. Down the Rabbit Hole

_Blood was splattered all over Negan'_ _s white t-shirt and over almost every inch of him besides his face. The blood was warm and still wet like it was fresh from the source which wasn't the crazy part. He was used to being covered in someone else's blood so the only part that was frightening was how the room was painted in crimson, slowly filling with blood. Why the fuck was he dreaming about this out of all the things he could dream of? Why not a dream about Rick jumping on his lap with nothing on but those boots he wears all the time? Or anything other than something out of a crazy ass horror movie. Living in the world as it is now was already a horror movie so he didn't need to be dreaming about shit like this._

 

 

_Negan carefully examined his surroundings and realized it was his room at the Sanctuary but without anything in it. He made his way to his bedroom door so he could go out into the slippery as fuck hallway. It's like someone dumped buckets of blood all over the place, the only way he was even standing up was by holding the walls to steady himself. He kept slipping and sliding but eventually wandered over to the wives room, the moment he entered all he saw were dead bodies, all of his wives were dead as fucking door nails. He didn't remember doing anything different before he went to sleep that would cause weird ass dreams, he just remembered Sherry storming out because he brought up Dwight. And albeit that was an asshole thing to do but that's who he was, an asshole. Negan sat down near the bar but of course the dream bar had no booze in it so he just sat there quietly._

 

_Getting time to be alone like this without any disturbances was a rare occasion so he was going to enjoy this shit._

 

_A warm hand was suddenly against his neck and he turned around to find Rick standing there. His heart was pounding hard in his chest as he stared at the younger man. Even though they were going through some sort of rough patch in real life Negan was soaking up the moments he was getting in a dream. Which was fucking pathetic but he was a desperate man (at least that's who Rick turned him into) looking for scraps. Negan leaned into the touch then found himself swaying like he was sitting in a small boat on the ocean. Rick's hand was a wave and he just rocked along with it as he felt fingers stroke his neck. After twisting around so he could look into those stunning baby blues he pressed a soft kiss on Rick's lips. They started kissing slower than usual like it was more than just sex for once, like they were melting into each other. And it felt unreal to have Rick like this because he'd never get this in reality, ever. The younger man saw him as a monster who was climbing into his bed rather than hiding under it._

 

  
_Maybe it was better that way given he would probably fuck it all up anyways._

 

  
_They were gripping tight to each other then Negan was pulled off the bar stool, sending him tumbling to the floor while Rick straddled him. His hands were held above his head in an aggressive matter then lips were pressing against his neck. A loud moan came out, rippling through the air, clearly appeasing 'Dream Rick' since he bit down against his neck causing him to bleed a bit. What he wouldn't give to have Rick dominate him like this next time he goes to collect supplies from them. To have the real Rick fuck him hard against a wall or even the fucking floor - wherever the hell he wanted._

 

  
_"You gonna fuck me this time darling? Or am I gonna have to take it from here?"_

 

  
_Rick growled in an almost uncharacteristic manner. "Go ahead and try, Negan."_

 

  
_"Game on, Blue Eyes."_

 

  
_Soon they were wrestling on the floor to see who would land on top and Rick was the victor in the end. And ground his hips down against Negan's throbbing length which caused him to cry out. Rick began grinding like a little slut right against his pants then he leaned forward to steal a rough kiss, drawing blood again but this time from his bottom lip._

 

  
_"Damn baby, I didn't know you were into blood play." Negan chuckled but got no reactions out of the younger man._

 

  
_"Even for my dream you're awful quiet. Don't tell me you're gonna chew me out over right, wrong and all that fucking shit 'cause that means I can't escape the lectures either way."_

 

  
_"Shut the fuck up for two minutes."_

 

  
_Negan furrowed his brows confusingly, "Excuse the fuck outta me but since when do you speak to me like that?"_

 

  
_"Are you really this fuckin' stupid or do I need to spell it out for ya?" Rick licked his lips. "I ain't Rick."_

 

  
_"Don't fuck around. This is totally my mind playing tricks on me, any minute now I'll wake up and remember the first half of this dream for one of my jerk off sessions."_

 

  
_A punch landed against his lip that had blood gathering up inside his mouth like there was no tomorrow. And before he could respond with an agitated 'what the fuck?' he was knocked in the face again. The punches keep flying until he knew his lips were split open and swollen then he scrambled from beneath Rick._

 

  
_"What the actual fuck? Okay okay.." Negan spoke to himself. "Just wake the fuck up already."_

 

  
_"Sorry that won't happen but points for tryin' though. I gotta say you've been super fun to play around with but nothin' is as good as Rick. Not by a long shot. I mean yeah, you're hot but not the whole package."_

 

  
_"Who - who the fuck are you? You're sure as hell not Rick and why am I dreaming this? This just seems - "_

 

  
_A thought was intruding like it'd desperately been trying to break though to him, this was definitely not Rick and the only thing or person that would ever fuck with him like this is._

 

_**Ash.** _

 

_"Get the fuck outta my head." Negan snapped. "Just get the fuck out!"_

 

  
_"I would if I really wanted to but I don't so here we are. The only reason I'll ever come to visit you is to scare the shit outta you or to tell you how your boyfriend..oh wait he doesn't want you.."_

 

  
_"Fuck off."_

 

  
_Ash stepped closer while sliding his hands down what looked like Rick's body. "He hates fuckin' you by the way, he hates himself for it and it's gonna drive him nuts. In fact he's headed down the insane train again. Not that he wasn't already there which what I've tried to tell him lately, he's always had that darkness inside him. Even before he killed people, even before he killed Shane. And you humans seem to think 'oh everyone's got a darkness inside them..blah blah fuckin' blah' but the truth is there's levels. The type of levels that will make you scared of yourself even, you've barely scratched the surface.. just barely."_

 

_Something about statement didn't seem right because how would he be talking to Rick? How would he be telling Rick anything at all unless he was fucking with him too._

_"What do you mean you've told him lately. Negan bravely walked towards the demon, looking straight into eyes that turned from blue to onyx. "Leave him the fuck alone.. I know I deserve this but he's - just stay away from him."_

 

_"No. I quite enjoy what I've got goin' on with him plus he's too pretty to give up."_

_"Listen here you fucking ass wipe -"_

  
_"Watch yourself boy, I'm way older than you might realize and I can tear anyone apart limb by limb without breakin' a sweat. I could knock every one of your teeth out, Rick Grimes style if I really wanted to. And then you'd be swallowin' them."_

_This was the closest Negan had come to breaking down completely, he'd had those close calls during the apocalypse but never like this. Not to the point where he wanted to break into fucking tears over a few little words._

_"I've been enjoyin' his sweet ass for quite some time now, of course it's been non consensual but I gotta get it how I can. Ask him bout it sometime 'cause I'm sure he'll give you all the details." Ash winked._

  
_"Leave. Now."_

_"Since you asked so rudely I'll go and by the way the next time you speak to me like that I'll rip your throat open, got it?" Ash stated without even flinching._

_Negan just nodded back at the demon who winked at him before disappearing and he was essentially left with his dick in his hands. Being told that Rick was being raped even in his dreams was a disgusting fucking thought but he was powerless. There was no smashing the brains in of whoever was doing it because he didn't know how to enter Ricks mind. And would Rick even want him to try to help? He wanted nothing to do with him on a personal level and he couldn't blame him._

* * *

 

 

In the morning Negan woke up with an empty feeling inside his stomach, his lip was split just like in his dream and he was sore around his mouth. He was actually relieved to be waking up alone (even though lately he'd allowed certain wives to sleep with him.) Negan got out of bed to start his day which was filled with endless responsibilities. Sometimes it was great being the one in charge and other days he hated the fucking job. Taking care of a bunch of people who would fall apart without him was terrible, being in charge of all their lives was shitty. But who else would do the job as good as he did? Who else would make sure that everything was in order? Probably no one and that's why it all fell to him.

 

 

  
He stopped off at the wives room to make sure they were all set for the morning and only a few of them were sitting in there. This didn't seem right because every single day was the same. And usually all the wives were gathered together in the morning. Negan pretended he wasn't confused and greeted a few of them until he got to Sherry who rolled her eyes. She was pouring herself a drink already and he just chuckled at her agitation.

 

 

 

"Morning Sherry, you sleep okay?"

 

 

 

Sherry laughed in a mocking tone, "I slept just fine without you if that's what you meant."

 

 

 

"Still sour over what I said about Dwight? I mean he really does seem to be getting over you and last I checked you didn't want to be with him. Unless I fucking missed something."

 

 

 

"Actually you did miss something." Sherry slammed her drink back then began to pour another. "I don't want to do this anymore, in fact I want you to let me go."

 

 

 

"Doors right there darling, no one's keeping you here against your goddamn will. You better be certain that Dwight even still wants you 'cause there won't be any crawling back to me."

 

 

 

"Believe me when I say I won't be."

 

 

 

Negan looked at her completely unaffected, "Well you understand what this means right? Once you're done with me all these privileges go away and you go back to working a shitty job. Sure you really want that over all this?"

 

 

 

"Do you not get it by now that none of us are here for you? We're here to escape the reality that is living in this place, living under you and even if Dwight doesn't want me anymore I'll finally be free."Sherry gulped down the last drink she'd get from the bar and stalked off with absolutely no regret on her face.

 

 

Negan was even more impressed by Sherry than he was usually, for her to walk away from their arrangement was ballsy. Out of everyone she definitely had some beach ball sized lady nuts. And what she said made it even more clear that none of the ladies genuinely wanted him, they wanted what he offered. If he took all the extra privileges then he'd be completely alone and what would happen if he told the wives to leave? He'd have to fill that void some other way because that's all it was even if he cared for them. When Lucille died in the beginning of the apocalypse he fucking lost himself and having a bunch of wives filled that void that she left. The only person he would have is Rick but he didn't even want to be with him either apparently. So he'd be left with fuck all for himself.

 

 

  
To distract himself from the small amount of drama that just ensued he started chatting up the wives, see where their heads were at in terms of Sherry leaving. Almost every one of the girls were telling him that they didn't know. And he would call bullshit on that but didn't want to intimidate anyone. He gravitated towards Frankie like he always seemed to and she was receptive, offering a massage right away which he happily took.

 

 

  
"You're really tense." Frankie started pressing into his shoulders. "Wow I can feel how knotted up you are."

 

 

  
Negan rested his head against the seat, "There are other parts of me that are really fucking tense right now if you get what I mean.."

 

 

 

"I think I do and I'm up for it right now."

 

 

 

Even though it was fairly early in the morning which is when Negan assured he'd be over seeing a new project he didn't give two fucks. He was the boss and they would have to wait up on him for a little while. It might give them some time to go over shit again anyways.

 

 

Once they ended up on the bed he started squeezing Frankie through her bra (she loved nipple play) and then he started seeing images of Rick underneath him. Negan shook them away and attempted to get her bra off but his hands were shaking way too much.

 

 

  
"Fucking fuck, just hold on a second."

 

 

  
Frankie pushed his hands away then unhooked her bra from behind her back. "There we go, problem solved."

 

 

 

He looked down at Frankie and it wasn't doing anything for him if he was being honest. All Negan could think about was pounding the hell out of Rick into the mattress, working him open so good the orgasms would send him flying into space. The fact was that all he wanted was Rick.

 

 

 

Negan was in pretty damn deep to not even get hard with one of his gorgeous as fuck wives beneath him. When he turned to his left he saw Rick clear as day standing right next to that side of the bed. Those full pink lips were curved into a smile once he revealed the ax he loved so much, in which he swung at Negan causing him to scream out.

 

 

  
"What the fuck are you doing! Rick what the fuck!"

 

 

  
Frankie was wide eyed beneath him, "What the hell is wrong with you? No one's there."

 

 

 

"Get the fuck out! Get out! Fucking fuck what the fuck." Negan screamed until he noticed that Frankie moved from beneath him so she could leave. Before he could convince her to stay she was already at the door.

 

 

 

  
"You need some help..just stay away from me for a while."

 

 

  
Negan rubbed his face with both hands then responded. "C'mon Frankie you don't need to leave just yet."

 

 

 

"I don't know if I can do this anymore, the black dress and the pretending like I'm happy. What you've given me I'm grateful for but I think I'm done just like Sherry is, I'll go back to my old life. Anytime you want a massage just ask me."

 

 

 

With a nervous smile she walked out on him, her red hair bouncing along with her and just like that Negan had two less wives. 

 

* * *

 

 

Negan stood outside on one of the platforms looking out at all the people busy at work on new projects and he didn't care. What was the purpose of running a fucking empire if he felt like this? He had no one that actually care about him, not his wives, his soldiers were only loyal to him for their own benefit, everyone else was just scared of him. The only people he genuinely trusted were Arat and Simon. It left him sitting in a ship that was slowly sinking and he was the captain of it all, watching what he thought he had down pat being dismantled.

 

 

First he would lose his wives which was a shock to the system but not really.

 

 

 

Second he would have people questioning his status as a leader what with him hallucinating shit.

 

 

 

Third would just be an all out riot within the Sanctuary, people would start taking things rather than using the points system, no one would give a fuck anymore. Then he'd probably have to deal with Ricks group blowing them up or some crazy shit. He knew they were on edge about him continuing to take shit from them so that would blow up again.

 

 

Negan knew someone was standing behind him so he sighed deeply before turning around. And there was Dwight looking at him without a glare or defiance of some sort. "What the fuck do you want Dwighty boy? Here to chew me out for something? Well get in fucking line."

 

 

  
"Actually I'm here to tell you thanks. I've got no idea what compelled you to let Sherry go, to let her come back to me but she did so I thought I'd say thanks."

 

 

  
"Technically I was never holding her against her damn will so she could leave whenever she wanted. Clearly she got tired of my dick and wanted yours again."

 

 

  
Dwight rolled his eyes, "Whatever. Point is you were a decent person for once and I wanted you to know that I appreciate it, genuinely."

 

 

  
"Yeah yeah you're welcome or whatever the hell." Negan waved him away because he knew that Dwight  still hated his guts. The only reason he would ever thank him would be because his wife finally crawled back to him.

 

 

In some way he deserved better than someone who continually chose quality booze and lounging around all day over their marriage. Though who was he to judge when he was pinging away for a guy who wanted to slice and dice his goddamn throat.

 

 

Once Dwight let his general presence he went back to thinking about going away for a while, maybe paying a visit to Alexandria because well they couldn't stop him.

 

 

His genius plan was to go to Alexandria, wine n' dine Rick until he gave in again.

 

 

 

Later in the evening Negan was residing in his bedroom alone to pretend his day wasn't complete shit. He went to pour himself some bourbon and then went to take a sip when he tasted metallic in his mouth. When he looked down into the glass he saw nothing but blood in it, once he dropped the glass he spit out what looked like blood one minute and then went back to booze.

 

 

 

"What the actual fuck is happening?"  Negan whispered to himself.


	9. The Lion's Share

"I don't know if we have enough for the tribute this week." Michonne observed the shelves in the pantry carefully. "We didn't scavenge enough to split between giving to them and feeding everyone."

 

 

"What do you want me to do? Do you want me to convince Negan not to take from us anymore?"

 

 

  
"We can't keep living this, Rick. We just can't."

 

 

Rick pinched the bridge of his nose, "I understand that but he won't listen to anyone, he won't do that."

 

 

"Yes, he will."

 

 

  
"He won't." Rick was growing tired of trying to convince her of this because he knew what he was talking about.

 

 

  
"How do you know if you don't try?"

 

 

  
If all it took was a bit of convincing or even some good sex then Rick and the community wouldn't be suffering anymore. But Negan wasn't easy to sway, not by any means. And he didn't know if he could turn this situation around. Everyone was becoming way too dependent on him lately, as if they couldn't try harder to scavenge like he does every time he's out there. The problem is no one wants to so they refuse to go the extra mile to make it work because while they can't live like that - they got no choice. Going to war didn't prove anything last time, in fact it almost cost Rick everything. No one had any clue about what he'd been through when he was seemingly in a coma.

 

 

  
"It's Negan. He's got it in his head that this is how the world works now..that the Saviors provide security and safety for all. And I don't agree with him but he hasn't killed anyone lately to be a threat. He needs us to be alive so we can provide tributes."

 

 

  
Michonne shook her head, "No, he needs you alive. He could have easily killed all of us in the line up, could have blown all our heads off and then had it just be you and Carl left over. Negan has barely looked any of our directions but he keeps a close eye on you. Why is that?"

 

 

  
"I don't know why."

 

 

  
"Well the reason is obviously enough to keep him from killing you. What's to say the rest of us won't end up like Spencer?"

 

 

  
"What happened with Spencer was his own fault." Rick blurted out. "He wanted me dead and blamed me for how shitty his life was."

 

 

  
"And who took care of him? Negan."

 

 

_Was it possible that Michonne knows why?_

 

 

  
Rick couldn't help the laughter coming out, "You think hes got a thing for me?"

 

 

  
"That's the only thing I can think of but if he's delusional enough to think you'd ever go for him." Michonne chuckled. "He's crazier than I thought."

 

 

  
"Yeah."

 

 

Just hearing Michonne say all that was making him feel even more guilty for having slept with their sworn enemy. The man had killed people they loved and cared for and there Rick was riding his dick. Something in him wasn't right.

 

 

He pressed fingers against the bruises on his side that Ash left from the last time he raped him, the demons touch even left burns on his skin because his touch was like fire. Rick could barely let Michonne touch him in bed. This was ruining him a lot more than he wanted to admit but what could he do? How do you get something that happens in your sleep to stop? He just had to find a way to get through it like he got through everything else.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After careful consideration Negan decided to not bring the same people he usually did for collecting the tributes in Alexandria. He let Arat come along but told Dwight to stay behind. It made things feel a little less routine and if he was being truthful he was feeling more impulsive than usual. Negan stood calmly outside of the gates of Alexandria then grew too impatient and slammed Lucille against the gates.

 

 

"You better let me in or I will huff, puff and both your fucking houses down." Negan chuckled.

 

 

  
Instead of the same person who usually was there opening the gates it was the priest. "Hello, sorry to have kept you waiting but we weren't expecting you today."

 

 

"I decided to come early and since Rick goes the extra mile every. single. time I figured he'd have a shit load to give me."

 

 

  
The priest just nodded in his direction then walked quickly ahead like he was trying to keep his mouth shut. And that didn't bode well with Negan at fucking all because of the topic at hand. Maybe Rick wasn't able to scavenge much this time around. Maybe someone else was sabotaging the whole operation. Either way there would probably be some drama on his fine afternoon.

 

 

  
Negan strode through town, determined to find Alexandria's fine ass leader but instead ran into his son. "Hey there."

 

 

  
"Why are you here this early?" Carl narrowed his eyes.

 

 

"You get more rude by the god damn minute don't you? It's alright kid, I respect the honesty over ass kissing. Although that can be wicked sometimes too."

 

 

  
'You're disgusting." Carl groaned.

 

 

  
Negan rocked back on his heels, "I can name a few people that would disagree with you."

 

 

 

"What do you want from me?" Carl rolled his eyes.

 

 

 

"I'm looking for your gorgeous father, is he around or did he go on a little trip somewhere?"

 

 

 

Carl was almost seething but surprisingly kept a level head. "He's at home."

 

 

  
"Why don't we just walk over there together? Wouldn't that be a fucking boatload of fun?"

 

 

  
Both of them walked to the house in awkward silence, probably the most awkward silence Negan had ever experienced in his entire life. When they reached the front door Carl opened it hesitantly and rushed inside (probably to warn his dad) but Rick came out with a shocked look on his face. He seemed to whisper something to his son that caused him to stomp off into the house.

 

 

  
"Just the man I wanted to see! I know I'm extremely early but what can I say? I missed ya." Negan cooed, he had no problem showing just how much if Rick let him.

 

 

  
"We don't have enough for the tribute this week, food wise at least." Rick deadpanned.

 

 

  
"Wait, um, I don't know if I hearing this shit correctly..can you run that by me again?"

 

 

"I said we don't have enough food wise for the tribute this week. We can barely spare any for the community, let alone give you enough to be satisfied."

 

 

Negan shrugged, "Right now if this were anybody else I would be flipping my fucking lid but since it's you - I don't care. "

 

 

  
"What?" Rick quirked his eyebrow.

 

 

  
"Give me whatever the hell you've got and do better next time."

 

 

  
"Thank you."

 

 

  
"Don't thank me." Negan whispered. "I really did miss you by the way."

 

 

  
Rick grabbed onto the older man's arm desperately, "Can we go somewhere y'know private? I need it."

 

 

  
"You need what darling? You'll have to be more specific about the things you need."

 

 

  
"I need your..." Rick coughed nervously. "..dick.."

 

 

  
"Where do you need that? In which hole baby?"

 

 

  
"Every hole."

 

 


	10. Are You Dying Slowly?

Blood was coming of Rick's mouth profusely and on the inside it felt like a knife was twisting inside his stomach.

 

 

  
This time apparently Ash was looking to have a different type of fun while appearing as Shane again.

 

 

  
Rick collapsed on the ground beneath him, carefully watching Ash circle around his body, eyeing him like he always did only this time he wouldn't be violated.

 

 

  
"F-fuck you." Rick managed to spurt out.

 

 

  
A smile appeared on Ash's face as he stood over him triumphantly. "That type of attitude only makes this worse."

 

 

  
"Will you ever stop?'

 

 

 

Ash stared at him for a good few seconds before responding, "I plan to soon, you're all used up and I've broken you enough."

 

 

 

"All you wanted to do was break me?" Rick breathed out, this time he couldn't even cry because he should have known that's all it was. He was being raped in his subconscious almost every night and it was all for kicks.

 

 

  
"Pretty much. I mean..look at you..you're a pretty little thing. Oh and enjoy the rest of your day."

 

 

  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rick gurgled.

 

 

  
"Well it means you're gonna have one hell of a day."

 

 

 

Rick needed to know what that meant but instead he woke up beside Negan in Alexandria.

 

 

  
"Don't worry you only dozed off for like five minutes and no one's come looking for you." Negan nuzzled against his neck. "I'd love to stay the night and fuck you into oblivion but I doubt you'll let me."

 

 

 

"You're right, I won't."

 

 

 

Negan laughed softly, a little too softly. "Oh that's right..you're still with that bad ass who wields a katana."

 

 

 

"Can you shut up for one damn minute? Or is your mouth on a permanent loop?"

 

 

 

"Normally I would tell you how fucking rude that was but Rick we need to discuss something right now."

 

 

 

"What?"

 

 

Bringing up such a sensitive topic would likely cause a fight and yet Negan had no fucks to give about that because this was serious. If what Ash said was true which the likelihood of that was high, then shit was really fucked. "I'll just come right out and fucking ask you. Has Ash been raping you in your dreams?"

 

 

 

Rick went absolutely still for a moment. "Yes."

 

 

 

"Why didn't you tell me that? Why'd I have to hear from that piece of shit?"

 

 

 

"Would you have actually cared?" Rick said in an icy tone.

 

 

  
"Of course I fucking would! What type of goddamn question is that? You still think I'm some fucking monster that lives under your bed or some shit? The world doesn't work like that, Rick."

 

 

  
Rick started to get up so he could get dressed, someone was probably going to find them like this. "Not like you can stop it anyways and besides I think he might be done. I don't know what - "

 

 

  
A wetness started dripping out of Rick's nose and when he went to touch it there was blood all over his fingertips. He didn't know if Negan could see it or if it was another hallucination.

 

 

  
"What the fuck's wrong?"

 

 

  
"Do I look okay to you?" Rick stuttered. "Is my face okay?"

 

 

  
"There's nothing on your face now tell me what the hell is wrong with you right now? Are you seeing things?"

 

 

  
"It doesn't matter, uh - we should get back before someone comes lookin' for us."

 

 

  
After scrambling to put on the rest of his clothes Rick was running out of the room like he was on fucking fire. And clearly something was wrong with him so Negan had to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. Negan reached for his jeans that were splayed out on the floor and put them back on. "Slow your roll gorgeous."

 

 

  
"Oh my god! No!"

 

 

  
Negan had no idea what Rick was screaming about but he slipped his boots on and rushed over to the hallway. He stared at a trembling Rick who kept touching the floor like something was there for him to touch.

 

 

  
"There's nothing there, Rick. You hear me?"

 

 

 

Rick rocked forwards like he was losing his shit, "She's fuckin' dead, she's -she's right there."

 

 

  
"Who? No one is there! You fucking hear? No one is dead."

 

 

  
"It's my fault..it's always my fault..it's always my fault." Rick repeated those words like it was a mantra.

 

 

  
Negan attempted to console the younger man but that was the wrong fucking decision considering Rick jolted away from him. It hurt for a second to think the only contact that he ever wanted was sexual. But then he remembered this wasn't some normal apple pie life, nothing was fucking okay and they were damaged. Not even just from coming back from that hell dimension, they'd been damaged from the start. All the things he wanted to be able to give to Rick were probably not enough to quell that storm that was raging inside of him.

 

 

  
For a moments he worried that Rick was going catatonic what with staring at any empty spot on the floor for so long. He waited until he was certain that the younger man wouldn't do anything too rash.

 

 

  
Which at this point he couldn't guarantee and everyone would wonder why the fuck he cared so much about Alexandria's leader so much. Ricks own people would certainly wonder that.

 

 

  
"You probably need to get some rest, when was the last time you had a good fucking snooze?" Negan asked in his most casual voice possible, he didn't want to alarm the man.

 

 

  
Rick shook his head profusely at the idea, "I can't sleep, if I sleep he'll come."

 

 

  
"Maybe he won't."

 

 

  
"What the hell do you know anyways? He's visited you what ? Once?"

 

 

  
"Yeah he fucking did visit me once, beat the shit outta me while pretending to be you and then casually mentioned that he was hurting you."

 

 

  
"He's raping me!" Rick snapped back. "And I can't make it stop! I can never make it stop..inside I feel like I'm dyin' and I can't make it stop."

 

 

  
"Rick -"

 

 

  
"Don't touch me!"

 

 

Negan stood there with absolutely no idea what he should do and then Rick started running, practically leaped down the stairs then kept going. He went after the man as fast he could which caused some alarm. There were people staring at them wildly as Negan chased him down the streets of Alexandria. Even his own soldiers were looking at him strangely but still didn't intervene. What he would do once he finally caught up with Rick was beyond him. And how Carl would feel with him barging into the house was another thing.

 

 

  
He finally got to Rick's house, the door was wide open and a few things were on the floor like they'd been knocked down. Negan's eyes bounced back and forth to try to see where Rick was.

 

 

Which was the moment he heard a gun shot.

 

 

  
"What the fuck?" Negan muttered to himself before following where the shot was fired from and couldn't believe his eyes when he got there. For some reason Rick was pointing his gun at Carl.

 

 

 

"What the fucking shit are you doing, Rick?!"

 

 

 

Carl looked over with his one eye and didn't bother glaring this time. "Did you do something to him?"

 

 

  
"No."

 

 

  
"Look at me!" Rick screamed. "You deserve to die."

 

 

 

Negan's eyes widened, "Who the hell are you talking to, Rick? That's your son."

 

 

 

"That ain't my son, it's him - it's Ash. He's here and I need to get rid of him."

 

 

 

"Who is Ash?" Carl asked, he sounded scared but was keeping a brave face.

 

 

 

"Darling that's not him okay? You need to put the gun down before you do something royally fucking stupid."

 

 

 

Rick flicked the safety off and continued to point his gun. "You're wrong."

 

 

  
Something terrible was about to happen that Negan knew he had to stop before it was too damn late.

 

 

  
As he watched Rick slowly pull the trigger he rushed over to Carl and pushed them both to the ground. When they fell to the floor together he shielded the boy so he wouldn't get hit with any bullets. He could hear Carl breathing heavily against his chest but he wasn't resisting the protection.

 

 

  
"Why would you do that, Negan? Why would you stop me from killin' him?!" Rick yelled before he got knocked right in the back of the head by Michonne, who seemingly came out of fucking nowhere.

 

 

"What the hell is going on?"

  

* * *

 

On a scale of 1 - 10 on the awkward scale sitting in the room with Michonne and Carl staring at him was definitely a 10. What the fuck was he supposed to tell them about what down? They would right him off as completely crazy and most likely blame him for Ricks sudden outburst. Either way he had to say something that would be satisfactory.

 

 

"Okay you're going to tell us why Rick was pointing a gun at Carl." Michonne said sternly. "I don't want some bullshit either, I want the truth."

 

 

"Neither of you will fucking believe me so there's no point explaining why Rick lost his shit."

 

 

 

"Humor me."

 

 

  
Negan leaned against the wall and took one glance at Rick who was laying there handcuffed. "You won't believe me and I don't think I should be the one to tell you his side of things."

 

 

  
"His side of things? What the hell are you even talking about? Did something happen to him? Did you hurt him?"

 

 

  
"If you're implying that I raped him then go fuck yourself."

 

 

  
Just when he was about to go toe to toe with Rick's indefinitely bad ass girlfriend they noticed Rick was coming to. Negan probably shouldn't have rushed to his side but he couldn't help himself.

 

 

  
"Where is he?" Rick asked hoarsely. "Is he dead?"

 

 

  
"Rick, it wasn't him. You almost killed Carl."

 

 

  
"No no no no. I swear that I saw him, that he was there wanting to hurt me."

 

 

  
Michonne rubbed her thumb against Rick's forehead,"Why did you this, Rick?"

* * *

 

There were a lot of things circling around in Rick's mind.

 

 

Why was he handcuffed to a bed in the infirmary?

 

 

Why were Negan, Michonne and Carl staring at him the way they were?

 

 

Rick pulled at the handcuffs a bit roughly which startled everyone in the room. "Take these off, please?"

 

 

 

"Not until we know you won't try to hurt Carl again."

 

 

  
"I already said that he was there!"

 

 

 

"For the last fucking time it wasn't who you thought it was!" Negan ran his hands through his tousled hair. "You were obviously hallucinating."

 

 

  
Rick's eyebrows knitted together and he blinked a couple times. "No."

 

 

 

"Yes."

 

 

  
That couldn't be what happened..it just couldn't..unless that's what Ash meant when he told him he'd have one hell of a day. Rick looked over at his son who was obviously confused and terrified of him. And it wouldn't be the first time he made Carl scared of him, it wasn't the first he'd made things worse.

 

 

  
Carl didn't move from where he was standing and couldn't even look in his direction, "Who is Ash, dad? That's who you said I was when you pointed the gun at me."

 

 

  
"He's a demon." Rick murmured.

 

 

 

"What?"

 

 

  
"He's a demon that Negan and I met when were -"

 

 

 

Rick could tell it was a mistake to tell them because Carl stormed out of the room and Michonne went after him quickly. "They think I'm crazy."

 

 

 

"No one will believe a word we fucking say, they will probably think we're just traumatized from whatever the fuck. I won't tell them anything unless you want me to, I won't tell them about us."

 

 

 

"Thank you."

 

 

 

"I'm pretty sure the tributes already loaded up since you didn't have much in the first place so I should get going." Negan didn't really want to leave but staying the night was definitely not going to happen. That would look way too fucking suspicious.

 

 

  
Rick shrugged, "Oh okay."

 

 

  
"I'll see ya when I come by for the next tribute, have a good night darling."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always appreciate comments + kudos so don't hesitate to leave those!


	11. The Soul Connection

For once Rick didn't have to endure sexual violation, he wouldn't have to wake up feeling raw. Instead he was stuck listening to the demon who was far beyond sexually sadistic go on about what he couldn't escape. Surprisingly he didn't mention anything about himself within the conversation. And for that Rick was extremely grateful. He didn't really know when Ash would leave him alone and go torture someone else. Hopefully it would happen soon.

 

  
The sky went from complete darkness to crimson and blood started pouring out of it. Rick felt it go down his cheeks, trailing from his forehead, entering his open mouth. Not that blood made Rick squeamish considering the countless times he'd been covered in it or see it.

 

  
He narrowed his eyes at Ash who just winked back at him, since this time he decided to appear in Negan's form it looked strange. The enjoyment on his face was sinister - almost seductive in a way. And it reminded Rick of how much Negan himself got under his skin. How every time he thought he was done with him, he probably would never be. All that Rick actually wanted was a relatively normal life (or at least as normal as it got in the apocalypse) where his family was safe, where they weren't suffering. Yet all the decisions he was making, behind their back or not, didn't help that.

 

 

"Do you like the blood? I thought it was a nice touch and we both know I've got a flare for the dramatics. Wanna know why I chose blood to pour down instead of rain?" Ash mimicked the wolf like grin.

 

  
"Not really but I know you'll tell me anyways no matter what I say."

 

 

  
"That! That's apart of why I fucking like you so much, Rick. Always getting straight to the point."

 

 

Rick gritted his teeth so hard they could almost break, "Just tell me already."

 

 

  
"It's essentially the blood of all the people you've killed since the beginning of the whole shit show you call an apocalypse. Humans are such fucking idiots, granted I was human once but that was too long ago for me to really remember the inadequacy of it all. "

 

 

"Whats your point? I know who I've killed and why I've done it all. It's been to protect the people I love, to protect myself."

 

 

"You mean to tell me that all those people you killed in Negan's outpost was to protect the people you love? That's definitely not it. You got a months worth of food that evidently didn't really go to you now did it?"

 

 

Rick slumped to the ground, "I can't change what's happened, I can't bring them back."

 

 

"No you really fucking can't and what would your little family say if they found out who has been inside of you?" Ash whispered. "I've already seen how the whole thing goes."

 

  
"They won't ever find out, not unless I tell them."

 

  
All the blood that was coming down on the both of them suddenly stopped and Rick was covered head to toe in blood. His curls were sticky, his face felt wet, the tang in his mouth was all too familiar.

 

  
"Instead of popping your naive little bubble I'm gonna keep my mouth shut, unless you want me to use it in other ways."

 

  
Rick closed his eyes for a moment then opened them to find Ash standing in front of him, since he was in Negan's form it caused a shiver to go down his spine. The demon swiftly reached around to place a hand on his lower back, lifting his shirt up.

 

 

"You really like me in this form don't you?" Ash growled seductively. "I bet you wouldn't even struggle if I slipped inside, moaning all those nasty fucking things Negan does, poundin you just like he does."

 

 

"I've had enough of these games. Whats the actual point in all this? Whose tellin' you to do this?" Rick demanded. "You mentioned your boss before."

 

 

  
"Some things you don't get to know, Rick."

 

 

 

"What do I get to know?"

 

 

"You get to know what real suffering feels like, how tiring it will be to keep running from your literal other half, how sick inside you'll feel when you finally tell Negan you love him. And my favorite part of this whole thing is the look on Michonnes face the second you admit that you fucked Negan."

 

  
Rick scoffed right in Ash's face, "I'll never tell him that."

 

 

"You can lie to yourself over and over but you can't lie to me darling. The whole point of all this is for you to realize who you actually are. And that truth will be pretty damn terrifying. But I think our time is up for today so until next time."

 

 

Waking up wasn't as dramatic as it tended to be when Ash would finally allow him to open his eyes. Rick only felt Michonne's warmth close to him, her locks were splayed out on the pillow and her full lips were still. She was definitely still asleep so it allowed him some time to not talk or lie to her. Which is all he'd been doing since he got back.

 

 

Rick quietly slipped out of their bed, put on some sweatpants and a t-shirt so he could go check Judiths room. And just like Michonne, she was fast asleep. Everyone seemed to be asleep but Carl which he had no worries about it. Apparently Carl had quite the busy schedule lately so he was likely safe. Maybe out enjoying his day rather than being worried about almost getting shot. That experience was indefinitely traumatic but they'd been avoiding any further discussion.

 

 

Everyone seemed to be walking around on eggshells whenever Rick entered the room. And he'd heard whispers about him having hallucinations. Those who were around the first time it happened back at the prison were especially worried.

  

  

 

  
He had no anger towards them for discussing it because he was essentially losing his mind. Plus no one had a damn clue what was causing him to hallucinate in the first place. Most likely it was being written off as something that it clearly wasn't. One person that had been especially questioning his place as leader was Rosita because ever since Abraham was killed she'd been even more pulled away. And when she did engage in conversation with him it was off like she wanted to say a few things. Rick decided to go seek her out and maybe explain that she could speak her mind if she needed to - if it was necessary to move forward. He didn't want his family not trusting him with their lives, let alone the community.

 

 

 

It didn't take long to find Rosita because she was standing by the gate, doing her rounds or just trying to find some time alone. Her arms were crossed and it looked she was in deep concentration about something. Rick casually approached her, he waited until she noticed he was there to speak.

 

 

 

"Hey."

 

 

"Hey." Rosita gritted out. "What do you need?"

 

 

 

"You're mad at me 'cause of Abraham and Glenn..."

 

 

 

"So you thought that bringing that up would do what exactly? Make me forgive you for allowing that piece of shit to live? All we do is trust you but how can keep doing that when you show mercy to people like him."

 

 

 

"Can you let me explain?"

 

 

  
Rosita grimaced as if she smelled something disgusting, "No, Rick..I can't."

 

 

  
Clearly having a conversation about any of it was out of the question because Rosita gave him no time to explain anything, she just walked away without even glancing back. No one could really blame her for not wanting to discuss all those they'd lost. But Rick had no desire to keep walking around like there was nothing wrong.

 

 

  
While he tried following her back into town Rick began feeling a bit dizzy like he was feeling too much too fast. There were so many emotions flooding him and some that felt foreign to his body like they weren't his own. He climbed up the ladder leading to the platform where they watched over the wall. When he fell back on the wooden platform Rick stared up at a sky that wasn't red and stopped fighting.

 

 

  
Thoughts started coming through like his mind was a levee and it was breaking.

 

 

_What the fuck should I do?_

 

_Who in the fuck made this shitty sandwich anyways?_

 

_I wonder what Rick's up to right now, probably catering to the piss patrol._

 

 

  
Rick clutched to his head and didn't even want to address that he was clearly hearing Negan's thoughts, they weren't his own. Searching up some experiences within a twin flames wasn't possible since the internet didn't exist anymore. Basically all he had to rely on was whatever Ash was telling him and he didn't say anything about hearing each others thoughts. His eyes widened at the idea that Negan probably could hear his thoughts at the same time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you want me to bring here today?" Simon parked outside of the massive gate in front of the Hilltop. "Not much to see here."

 

 

 

Negan really had no clue why he even wanted to go given it wasn't even the day they'd collect a tribute from these people. And unless Rick all of a sudden moved there he wasn't popping up for a good screw. "I barely fucking know myself but from what you tell me Gregory has got an exceptional amount of booze."

 

 

  
Once some of the people guarding the gate opened it for them to come in Negan could tell they were scared. Everyone who was casually walking back stopped in their tracks to stare at him and the Saviors he brought along. Normally he never made house calls like this himself because he had other shit to do.

 

 

  
"Oh hello Negan." Gregory walked out of the Barrington house with a smile. "What do I owe the pleasure?"

 

 

  
"No need to shit your pants Gregory. I'm not here to collect earlier than usual, only wanted to check the place out a little more and see what shit I'll be getting when tribute does roll around. You gonna give me the grand tour or what?"

 

 

  
All the Saviors that came along for the ride were either walking around the community, waiting at the gate or followed Negan and Simon inside the mansion. Having protection at all times was a must because who knows what the fuck people had planned secretly. Negan saw a guy with startling features glaring at him from across the way.

 

 

  
"Looks like everyone's got a stick up their fucking ass." Negan said loudly enough for the man to hear him.

 

 

  
Gregory turned to look at the guy, "Oh that's just Jesus..I mean Paul..don't mind him."

 

 

 

"The way he's staring at me you'd think he wants to slit my throat or bone me."

 

 

  
All the Saviors behind him, including Simon, were chuckling at his comment meanwhile Jesus or whatever the fuck his name was walked away. What was with every single person wanting him dead? Probably because he was an asshole who took their shit.

 

 

 

Negan ordered everyone but Simon to wait outside and when he stepped into the rather large office he was impressed. Sure as hell looked a lot better than what he had to work with at the Sanctuary. "This is real fucking nice Gregory!"

 

 

 

"Why thank you, I quite enjoy the amenities myself. Would you like a glass of bourbon? In fact why don't I just give you a bottle to go!"

 

 

 

"That's pretty damn kind of you I'd fucking love that shit." Negan sat back in one of the chairs. "You think I'm relatively reasonable, don't you Gregory?"

 

 

 

"Of course I do sir..um Negan."

 

 

 

"Good then I need you to make sure that you tell me if anyone wants to retaliate, do you understand what I'm saying?"

 

 

  
Gregory started visibly shaking, "My people have got no plans to attack yours and if they do I'll be sure to notify you."

 

 

 

"That's great, Gregory..that's -"

 

 

  
A strange sensation ran throughout Negan's whole body which made him want to puke all over the floor . He could barely finished his sentence and a certain type of sadness inside that was causing tears to flow. Negan quickly wiped them away before Simon and Gregory could realize what was going on. He whispered to Simon that he needed a moment. Even though his right hand man wasn't one to question a whole lot he seemed confused himself. When Negan stumbled out of the room he saw people staring at him like he'd lost his fucking mind.

 

 

Maybe he had or maybe this was just some weird ass moment that would pass and he'd been able to carry on with his day.

 

 

  
Negan found somewhere to be alone for a bit then sunk to the ground because his legs practically gave out. What the hell was wrong with him today? He never had outbursts like that in front of just anyone, unless you counted when he'd become violently angry.

 

 

  
_I don't know what to do._

 

  
_Ash is wrong, he has to be wrong._

 

  
_No one can know._

 

 

"What the actual fuck?" Negan murmured to himself, those thoughts weren't his own especially not the one pertaining to Ash. That asshole barely visited his dreams and not that he was jealous of Rick but it was the truth. So why would he even be thinking about that shit? Unless they weren't his own thoughts which was fucking ridiculous because he wasn't telepathic.  He needed answers and fast.

 

* * *

 

 

After returning from the Hilltop and dealing with the hammering questions on if he was okay or not Negan finally got to lay down to sleep. That had been a long fucking day that was supposed to run smoothly.

 

 

  
Negan shut his eyes then drifted off into what he thought would be sleep only to reopen his eyes a few minutes later. Something about his dream wasn't right and he quickly came to the conclusion that Ash was in his dream.

 

 

 

Instead of the shit show that happened the last time it was just an empty white room, no furniture, no blood, no corpses. The only thing that was there aside from Negan was Rick apparently. Although given the clothing it was clearly not a dream version of Rick.

 

 

  
"Why the fuck are you here?" Negan raised his eyebrows high when he didn't get an answer. "Seriously?"

 

 

 

"Sorry I don't genuinely care when you talk so I zoned out. And yes demons do that sometimes. How was your day?"

 

 

 

Negan had a hard time getting past the fact that he was appearing as Rick and quite frankly having a conversation like this was creepy as all fuck. Sort of like that priest who lived at Alexandria. "My day was a shit show now why are you here?"

 

 

 

"To explain why your day was a shit show." Ash rolled his eyes. "Okay so long story, you were hearing Ricks thoughts and feeling his emotions today."

 

 

 

"Are you fucking joking?"

 

 

 

"Nope. It's apart of your soul connection, often times twin flames can hear each others thoughts and feel each others emotions. Call it side effects if you will."

 

 

 

That explained why the emotions and thoughts were so sudden when he was speaking to Gregory.

 

 

 

"Will this happen all the time?" Negan asked nervously. "Can I make it stop?"

 

 

 

"No and no."

 

 

 

Negan groaned and ran his hands through his tousled dark hair. "Will this ever fucking end?"

 

 

  
"Maybe it never did." Ash started circling him. "Maybe you never left the In between. I have tricked people before and I could have you trapped in your mind."

 

 

 

"That's such bullshit."

 

 

  
"Is it actually though? Wouldn't it be better in a way for you to have no responsibilities? To not have to pretend you don't feel a fuckin' thing when deep down you know you do. And I don't mean just for Rick but in general. He's practically an empty shell and you're filled to the brim with all those pesky emotions."

 

 

 

"You fucking got us out of that hell hole and you - you said it yourself that your boss said it was time for us to go." Negan felt so desperate to make certain that he wasn't still there, that he was actually back home.

 

 

 

Ash started cackling, "Don't get your fuckin' panties in a bunch! You're definitely back in that shitty factory you call a home. I was just tryin' to yank your chain and it worked. You're so much easier to fuck with compared to Rick, he gets that serious look on his face. Basically the only reason I came to see you tonight was to make sure you understand what happens next."

 

 

  
"What the fuck are you going on about now?"

 

 

 

"I didn't bother tellin' Rick since his reaction to this will be priceless but eventually that little family of his will find out that Ricks a dirty little slut for you. And when they do well lets just say shit will get a whole lot worse."

 

 

  
Negan contemplated what that meant, "What will happen exactly?"

 

 

 

"Sorry, that's all I care to tell you for now."

 

 

 

"You fucking ass -"

 

 

 

Negan bolted upwards in a heavy sweat and looked around to make sure he was awake..which he was. What the hell was going to happen and when? Knowing Rick he'd probably end up telling everyone himself because of his stupid as fuck guilt. Why did he have to be tied to someone who constantly needed everyone else's approval was beyond Negan's comprehension.


	12. Something Don't Feel Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A major twist occurs in this chapter, the twist wasn't planned since the beginning, It came to me a while back then after some consideration I decided to add it in.
> 
>  
> 
> enjoy!

Dealing with the aftermath of admitting to something or finally being truthful was usually a lonely road. After spending a week wallowing in the pain of almost shooting his son Rick came clean about almost everything.

 

 

And it didn't come to much surprise that no one (outside of Gabriel) actually believed him. Rick definitely expected Gabriel to be the one who believed in supernatural occurrences and circumstances since he was a priest.

 

 

When Michonne took him aside so they could talk alone he prepared for her to be soft about questioning if he was losing it again.

 

 

  
"Rick, are you okay? I know being in a coma must have been exceptionally difficult if you could hear us the whole time and you may believe all these things happened because of trauma."  Michonne rested her hand against the left side of Rick's face.

 

 

 

"I didn't imagine it, we were in a place called the In Between and we died over and over again in horrific ways. If you don't believe me you can ask Negan 'cause he was there too like I already said.." Rick wanted her to believe him so badly but he could tell by her facial expression that she didn't.

 

 

 

"Maybe you're both confused because a place can't possibly exist."

 

 

 

"This is why neither of us wanted to say anythin' and - "

 

 

 

Michonne's eyebrows raised high, "Wait, do mean you and Negan? When would you have ever discussed this with him?"

 

 

  
"Does it matter? You don't believe me anyways so let's just drop it and I won't bring it up again."

 

 

  
"What else are you not telling me about all this? I know you, I know when you're lying or keeping things from me."

 

 

  
Rick looked right into those deep brown eyes that he'd always swam in. Now he was drowning. The only thing he could see was Michonne looking distressed over everything he'd told her because she believed he was going over the deep end again. "You don't wanna know anymore than you already do..just trust me when I say that."

 

 

 

"I do want to know because I'm worried about you and I promise I -"

 

 

 

"I've been sleepin' with Negan." Rick blurted out.

 

* * *

 

 

Negan had to see Rick today or he'd lose his fucking shit.

 

 

For day he's been hallucination, becoming overwhelmed by emotions that weren't his own and then today he could feel something was very wrong. And it was that Rick told everyone what happened, where they were.  Negan hoped with his entire being that Rick didn't Michonne about them because that would only cause issues he didn't want to fucking deal with.

 

 

Knowing Michonne he'd probably get that katana straight through his goddamn chest or he'd have his head chopped off. He'd been encouraging Ricks spiral since they were in the Between and then he didn't help matters that they were still fucking each other. Negan got Arat to pull up outside the Alexandrian gates and made sure she followed him into the community just for the security.  The place was a lot more quiet than he'd grown accustomed to which gave off a fucking eerie feeling.

 

 

Both Negan and Arat exchanged confused looks and knocked on the gate to see if someone was there to even open them up. Apparently someone was because they just casually pulled the gate open, he didn't at all expect the widow to let him in.

 

 

"Hey there, is Rick here? I came all this way to see him so he better be here." Negan twitched, his eagerness was getting the best of him and it showed.

 

 

 

Maggie kept her stance and glared at him, "Maybe he doesn't wanna see ya, ever thought of that? And none of us want you here so why don't you just leave?"

 

 

 

"Look, I get it, I killed your husband and the Ginger that night but I can't change that shit so all we can do is move -"

 

 

 

Without even any fucking notice Negan felt a fist connect to the side of his jaw, the pain was immediate and startling. "Fucking fuck! Ha-ha you got a mean right hook."

 

 

  
Arat held her gun up right at Maggies face, "Try that again."

 

 

 

"It's alright Arat, you don't need to shoot this poor woman 'cause I'll admit I was being a bit of an asshole."

 

 

  
  
"Go ahead and shoot me." Maggie raised her voice. "I'd rather die than be around the man whose done nothin' but bring me and the people I love pain. What you've done to Rick..makin' him believe in that bullshit."

 

 

Negan's face went from amused to agitated, "If you're implying that I've fed Ricks pretty little head with lies about what happened to us then you've got it all fucking wrong."

 

 

 

"You're a monster so we don't expect anythin' less than that."

 

 

 

"Since you're the only one with the big enough set to approach me like this I'll be fucking honest with you. The majority of you annoy the shit outta me and not because you killed a  fuck ton of men at that outpost but because you blame everyone else for your goddamn problems. Ever think that maybe you've caused this mess for yourselves trying to bite off more than you can chew?"

 

 

 

Maggie gritted her teeth, "Go to hell."

 

 

 

With complete amusement Negan watched the brunette stomp off in the other direction.  "This is gonna be a good fucking day! I just know it!"

* * *

 

How the situation escalated to the point it had was something that Rick couldn't quite grasp because one moment he was trying to explain himself to Michonne who said they were done. And next minute Negan was storming through his front door without any damn notice.

 

 

The first thing that Rick heard was that tune that Negan and the Saviors always whistled then Negan called out to him. "Hey, Rick! You home?!" 

 

 

Michonne looked beyond angry, "Why is he here?"

 

 

  
"I really don't know..I didn't tell him to come today." Rick said quietly.

 

 

  
"I'm moving into Rosita and Tara's place later today, I'll be back to pack my things."

 

 

  
Rick didn't know what to do to get her to stay and he doubted that he'd actually be able to beg. She wouldn't listen to him even if he did so he just nodded. He followed Michonne out of the room to make sure nothing crazy happened between her and Negan.

 

 

Last thing he wanted was a fight to implode in the house.

 

 

  
Michonne shuffled down the stairs and shot a glare behind her shoulder. "I already told you I'm done so don't think you'll convince me to stay."

 

 

  
And of course at the worst possible time there was Negan not too far away from the bottom of the stairs. He had an unimpressed look on his face especially when Michonne bumped into him. Rick closed his eyes tightly for a moment just to brace himself then when he opened them Negan was still there.

 

 

"Seriously Rick were you ignoring me or some shit? That's just childish if you are." Negan exclaimed.

 

 

  
"What the hell are you even doin' here?" Rick barred his teeth. "Did you come to just see me?"

 

 

  
"Why the fuck else would I show up here without calling first." Negan winked obnoxiously.

 

 

Rick could see how Michonne bunched up her fist while Negan blatantly flirted with him in front of her, like he always did, though this time she knew about them. And that's what made it more awkward and tense. How Negan didn't notice the tension that was building up in the room like smoke was astonishing. The man couldn't be that fucking oblivious.

 

  
"I thought you had wives.." Michonne said bluntly.

 

 

  
"Excuse me? What?" Negan sputtered. "What the fuck does that have to do with anything and not only that but how is it any of your business?"

 

 

  
"You're fucking Rick!" Michonne snapped. "That's why I brought it up you idiot."

 

 

  
Rick's eyes welled up with tears, "Please Michonne -"

 

 

  
"No! I've laid beside you every night since you've been back and - I can't believe you'd sleep with him! Out of all people you could cheat on me with. He's the man who killed people you loved and cared for.r Don't you remember that night or has sleeping with him made you forget?"

 

 

  
"There's thing you don't know.." Negan started to say before he got cut off abruptly by Michonne who didn't want to hear it.

 

 

  
"You've got some nerve coming into this house and trying to tell me there's more I don't know. Why don't you enlighten me?"

 

 

  
Negan peaked over at Rick who didn't move a muscle, he looked too damn distraught to stop him from saying anything. "Rick and I we're - we're twin flames."

 

 

 

The only thing that Negan expected at this point was another punch right to his fucking face but what he got was the polar opposite. He'd never seen Michonne smile anywhere near him or laugh for that matter..yet there she was cackling.

 

 

  
"I can't be here anymore." Michonne wiped away her hysterical tears. "Have him if you want."

 

 

  
Rick didn't move from his spot at all and he didn't know if he could, "I'm sorry, Michonne. I'm more sorry than you'll ever know."

 

 

  
"That can't fix us and you know that..you must know that." Michonne continued to walk and soon Rick couldn't even see her anymore and then the front door closed.

 

 

 

Since Carl had taken Judith out for a while for reasons that weren't explained to Rick he found himself alone in his house with Negan. What he wanted to do was choke the life out of the older man for being the core reason everything was falling apart. 

 

 

 

"Get the fuck outta my house! Whatever reason you came here for is pointless 'cause I don't wanna see you unless it's important." Rick growled.

 

 

 

"So you expect me to leave right now after I came all this fucking way to see you? I don't fucking think so and yeah, sure, it fucking sucks that Michonne dumped you but you knew this might fucking happen. We've fucked countless times since we got back and it somehow never occurred to you that the truth would eventually come out? You're fucking stupid if that's what you thought."

 

 

 

Rick tried to step down the stairs but felt a wooziness in his head, his vision was even going blurry. "Just leave you fuckin' idiot."

 

 

 

"You don't look so hot, Rick."  Negans voice was filled with concern, he even cursed himself for caring that much.

 

 

  
"I'm fine but you need to -"

 

 

Negan's eyes widened when he noticed Rick was beginning to cough up massive amounts of blood, it was staining his teal button up. And before the younger man could fall flat on his fucking face Negan rushed forwards to catch him. He didn't know whether to call out for Michonne or to drag his ass to the infirmary.

 

 

 

Just when he got ready to haul Rick into his arms Negan felt hazy himself and opened his eyes to find Michonne in front of him suddenly.  She had a knife which she plunged into Negan's stomach like they were in some fucking slasher film.  It didn't even stop there because she pulled the knife out to plunge it right back into Negan's stomach, blood started to come out of his mouth like a fountain and then he collapsed.

 

* * *

 

 

Negan woke up with a gasp and Rick was laid out right beside him with his eyes spread out, his body was twitching like he was having a nightmare.

 

 

When he examined their surroundings he noticed that they weren't in Alexandria or in Rick's house but they were surrounded by rotted trees.

 

  
There was no fucking way this was at all real, no fucking way.

 

 

"I'm sorry for this..if I had known.."

 

 

  
Negan recognized that voice from somewhere and turned to see that girl Beth, the one that Rick knew from way back when. "I don't understand what the fuck's going on?"

 

 

  
"Ash never sent you back." Beth whispered apologetically.

 

 

  
"No goddamn way that's true!" Negan croaked before taking a deep breath. "Please! That can't be fucking true."

 

 

  
"I wouldn't lie, not when it pertains to Rick so when he wakes up tell him to call out for me. I can't be here when Ash is so we'll have to be quick."

 

 

  
Once Beth disappeared from in front of him Negan started to hyperventilate and tried to keep it together despite what was going on.

 

 

  
"Wake up Rick, please just wake up." Negan lifted Rick up into his lap so he could stroke his curls. "Please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos + comments will always be appreciated.


	13. Maybe or Maybe Not

It only took Rick a moment to realize that he wasn't laying on the floor of his house. Rick averted his eyes upwards and saw Negan staring down at him. All he saw on his face was fear and it wasn't the type of fear that Negan showed very often. The only time he'd ever seen the older man that scared was when they were in the In between. So what the hell was Negan so afraid of right now? Not only that but where the hell were they?

 

  
Rick lifted himself up with the remainder of strength he had then his eyes widened at his surroundings. The scenery was changing drastically before his eyes, the rotted trees were collapsing like the ground was caving into itself. And out of nowhere Rick found himself sitting in absolute darkness with Negan close beside him. His breathing was constricted and he was confused about where they were because there was no way this was real.

 

  
Unless they were back in the In between.

 

  
When the scenery changed from total darkness right over to what used to be the prison Rick gasped out loud. It felt like he was still back there because of how real it seemed, especially when Herhsel hopped by him. Rick nervously looked around to see Beth holding onto Judith, Carl seated next to Beth, Maggie and Glenn talking in the corner and Carol watching everyone alongside Daryl.

 

 

Several seconds later Beth was standing next to him and she looked more like how she did in the beginning. The only difference was that she smelled like flowers and was wearing cleaner clothes. Her hand reached out to touch his arm softly before she started to speak. "I'm sorry that I have to say this right now but you never left this place..not even for a second. You've been here this whole time but Ash made you believe you left. That spell he performed was real but when everythin' went black for both you and Negan that was a window of opportunity. He took advantage of that moment so he could get inside your head."

 

 

Rick swallowed hard, "So all that happened from us returning home and us waking up, that was fake?"

 

 

 

Negan couldn't even suppress his eye roll because no fucking shit. "Obviously that's what the fuck she meant. How the hell do we actually get outta here?"

 

 

  
"Yes, I'm so sorry." Beth said apologetically. ""I don't know if you will, I don't know if that's the plan at all."

 

 

 

"That's alright Beth." Rick reassured. "You - you don't need to know everythin' but what can you tell us?"

 

 

"I can tell you that Ash will be here soon and I can't stop whatever he has planned. When you get another moment alone just call out to me or - "

 

 

  
"What? Who were you gonna suggest?"

 

 

Beth looked at Rick with sympathy in her eyes. "Shane, I was gonna suggest Shane."

 

 

 

"Why? Why Shane?"

 

 

  
"I have to go now but I promise that I'll find you again just don't give up hope."

 

 

  
As soon as Beth disappeared in literally a flash, the only thing that Rick could think about was the idea of actually seeing Shane again. Why would he even help after - after what happened?

 

 

 

Rick sunk down to the ground to give his body a break and for some reason they were still in the damn prison. All the memories of that place were flooding back. It's where Lori died, it's where Judith was born, it's where he thought a home could be built. Now it was overrun with walkers, probably even more so since it'd been forever. Rick remembered hopping away with Carl right beside him, he'd felt unbelievably helpless then.

 

 

Sometimes he did think all the way back to when he woke up in the hospital, when he first met Glenn, when Carl got shot, when everything was so damn different.

 

 

  
What did he have to show for it now? He killed his best friend, Lori died, he'd lost so many other people that were important to him. And now he would probably be stuck in a hell dimension with Negan. This couldn't be how his story ended and this couldn't be the way he left everybody back home.

 

 

 

Rick felt his hands shaking and he began crying uncontrollably. "We're fucked."

 

 

  
"Maybe or maybe not." Negans voice wavered.

 

 

"You don't even believe what you just said! We can't leave on our own and the only..person or demon in this case that can is Ash. He's the one who made us believe that we left in the first place so why the hell would he help us?"

 

 

 

"Wow, glad to hear that you still got some sense Rick."

 

 

  
Both men hesitantly turned to their lefts to see Ash standing there but he was appearing in some random human form. His eyes shifted from hazel-green to black as he approached them. While Negan had a strong stance he could see that Rick was scared of him but no fucking shit he was.

 

 

 

"Stay the fuck away from us." Negan snapped. "If you think I'm gonna let you hurt Rick -"

 

 

  
Ash twirled his finger which caused Negan to start choking. "That's cute trying to defend your boyfriend and all but guess what? I'll do whatever I want anyways."

 

 

  
"Did you do all this for kicks?" Rick asked nervously while he scrambled backwards to put some distance between them.

 

 

  
"Pretty much and it was so damn easy to trick you both. You were so desperate to get back home to that shit show of a world that you believed everything I said."

 

 

 

"Can you make that stop?!" Rick pointed towards Negan who was still clutching to his throat as his face went an ugly shade of blue.

 

 

 

 Ash gave him a look then dropped his finger which caused Negan to stop choking. "There, ya happy?"

 

 

  
"I would absolutely love to have you both here for all eternity so say the word. Also you should know how it would be pretty damn easy for me to escape to your little world too."

 

 

 

"There's no goddamn way that's possible..I mean how would you even ..no I don't fucking believe you're telling the truth." Negan stammered.

 

 

  
"I'm a demon and we have always walked in your world, whether you've seen us or not, and even though I'm obligated to be here - I don't need to be all the time."

 

 

  
Rick swallowed hard and licked his dry lips."Please..please just let us leave."

 

 

"Not yet." Ash had a serious look on his face that twisted into a wicked grin. "I got more plans for you."

 

* * *

 

 

Michonne was yet again sitting by Ricks bedside like she had been for over two months now and there were no changes. Occasionally his body would jerk a little bit, at one point she saw his lip twitch but that was it.

 

 

The only relief she and everyone else got was being told by Denise that he was most likely not brain dead. But that small bit of hope was dwindling like a fire trying to stay alive on a rainy day. And everyone knew that losing Rick would be the catalyst of many chaotic events so he needed to wake up.

 

 

She continued to hold onto her lover's hand that didn't clutch hers back, it only stayed still like a mannequin. 

 

  
  
"Please, Rick. You have to wake up because we need you, I need you." Michonne whispered before planting a kiss on his knuckles. "Carl's losing hope and I've tried to tell him not to but he's - he's just so angry. "

 

  
Michonne's eyes perked up when she heard the door creak and saw Carl standing there with a stoic look on his face. She urged for him to come sit with her but he shook his head, causing his floppy brown hair to sway.

 

  
"He won't wake up." Carl mumbled. "If he was going to he would have a month ago."

 

  
"You can't give up hope and you know your dad he's strong, stronger than most people. He was in a coma in the beginning and he found his way back to you."

 

  
"That doesn't matter! Too much bad has happened for this to turn around and I'm sick of everyone pretending it will."

 

 

Before Michonne could urge Carl to sit down with her he was out of the room as quickly as he came. She let out a deep sigh and continued to sit with Rick, hoping he would wake up soon.

* * *

 

 

After speaking with Ash or more like being emotionally ripped apart by the demon, they got separated. The only thing that Negan remembered was being zapped back to where they were before.

 

And now he was running from a hell hound. The last time he got torn up like a chew toy it was so damn unpleasant, his insides were slop. Not to mention the hound was ugly as fuck.

 

  
Negan picked up the pace but ended up tripping and tumbled down a fucking hill of all things. A string of curse words or more specifically a continuation of 'fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck' flung from his mouth. When he landed at the bottom he prepared to get torn open like a chocolate bar wrapper.

 

 

Though instead of meeting a temporary fate..nothing happened. His side was in a lot of pain and that's when he realized a piece of glass was in it. Negan took the glass out slowly then immediately slapped his hand over the bleeding wound.

 

He kept pressure on the wound and forced himself to stand up like the strong motherfucker he was. Only he ended up wincing with every step. Negan didn't know where the hell Rick was but he was feeling the same pain as him. That was a weird ass comfort to know that he wasn't really alone in his pain.

 

Just when the situation couldn't get more dire it began to rain down hard and Negan was almost soaked to the bone in a matter of minutes. At least he still had his jacket on because if not then he'd be fucked.

 

Negan continued to walk despite not knowing where the hell he was going then he saw someone standing close by. They weren't someone he knew but he could tell they weren't going to harm him. He walked closer and got a better look at the man, he had a shaved head, warm brown eyes and a muscular stature.

 

  
"Who the fuck are you?" Negan furrowed his brow. "Ash, if that's you, I swear to every goddamn thing -"

 

 

  
The man had a stupid expression on his face which followed with a massive eye roll. "I ain't that prick and I sure as hell don't know you personally but you're Negan, right?"

 

 

  
"Yeah asshole, I'm Negan. Can you tell me your name or are just gonna stand there with your dick in your fucking hand."

 

 

  
"My name's Shane."

 


	14. Our Will to Survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending may not be the most satisfying but I can't focus so much on that since it's already hard writing for this fandom at times. Anyways this was indeed a twisted fic & writing it was a thrill. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for whoever stuck by the story, left comments, left kudos + bookmarked it!!

Meeting someone from Rick's past was a fucking interesting experience given the circumstances. And it was probably the worst time for Negan to want to ask questions but it was tempting. He just wanted to know if Rick was soft in the beginning, f he was someone who granted mercy all the time or if he was lenient only in certain circumstances. Though clearly he hadn't been all that lenient because he killed his own best friend.

 

 

Negan kept staring at Shane with hesitance, the man didn't look overtly threatening but yet again looks were deceiving. Which he knew that all too fucking well. It was always funny watching someone's contort into disbelief when Negan would mention he was a gym teacher. He never let it show but it bothered him deep fucking down to know people thought he was one dimensional.

 

 

On a less serious note he found Shane attractive, in fact he was fucking pretty, not like Rick but still pretty.

 

 

His hand absentmindedly touched where his wound was supposed to be, only to find it was healed up. Who healed me or what healed me? Negan thought for a moment before returning to the more dire issue.

 

 

"Do you have any idea where Rick is?" Negan asked. "He could be anywhere so I really hope you got some fucking answers for me."

 

 

Shane rolled his broad shoulders before he answered plainly, "Actually I do."

 

  
  
"That's a goddamn relief 'cause I can't find him on my own and definitely not when that asshole's following us." Negan almost hoped that the demon could hear him.

 

 

 "Yeah well I've met Ash a couple times myself and I can't say it's ever been an enjoyable experience." Shane swallowed hard. "Anyways I ain't even really supposed to be here y'know? I'm only here 'cause Beth asked me to be and she's real aggressive when she sets her mind to it."

 

 

  
Negan didn't bother suppressing his shit eating grin. "So you're here to help Rick? He's pretty fucking special so I don't blame you."  
 

 

 

The tension that hovered in the air made Negan want to bark out a laugh because holy fucking shit - Shane was totally into Rick.

 

 

"I knew him long before you did so yeah, I already know that." Shane clenched his jaw. "I also know that he slept with you which was poor judgment on his part."

 

 

  
_Ouch._

 

 

"How the hell do you know that anyways? Is there some fucking bulletin around here that mentions all my dirty deeds?"

 

 

  
"I know a lot more than you think, man."

 

 

  
Negan let out a deep chuckle, "Not to be an asshole..actually never fucking mind this is me being an asshole! You were totally into Rick weren't you? I can see it plain as day on your face and if you're trying to hide it then you fucking suck. I mean I know you fucked Ricks wife and everything but there was more to the story wasn't there?"

 

 

"You watch your goddamn mouth 'cause I can tell you right now that you don't know shit." Shane's eyes went pitch black for a second. 

 

 

"What happened to your eyes just now?" Negan asked nervously. 

 

 

"None of your damn business, now let's just go." Shane snapped. "I know where Rick is and I can zap us to him right now while I have the opportunity."

 

 

Negan looked at him skeptically but in the end he knew he had to trust Shane. "Fine let's fucking go. Wait - did you just say you'd zap us to him?"

 

* * *

 

 

When Rick opened his eyes he didn't expect to wake up under murky water, he saw nothing else around him just disgusting water that was flooding his mouth. He kicked his feet desperately so he could try to reach the surface. The last thing he remembered was Ash snapping his finger which caused him to pass out. Rick had no clue where Negan was or if he was close which made him nervous a little. He wondered if Negan could feel how bone chilling the water was against his skin.

 

 

 

Once he reached the surface he gasped for air, waded in the water for a second then got pulled down again. Rick couldn't see anyone below him but he resisted against the strong grip on his leg. No amount of struggle was making a difference so just as he was giving up he felt someone pulling him up. When whoever it was got him to the surface again he coughed up water immediately.  

 

 

Rick's eyes widened when he saw Shane holding, it couldn't be him. "Get the hell off of me!"

 

 

"Calm the fuck down, Rick! It's me! I swear it's me brother." Shane insisted. 

 

 

As soon as Rick let himself look into those warm brown eyes he knew they were genuine and that it was Shane. 

 

 

  
"Yeah, it's me Rick." Shane assured once more. "Your boyfriend over there started coughing like there was no tomorrow so I take it that's 'cause of the soul connection?"

 

  
  
"He ain't my boyfriend and yeah."  
 

 

 

It didn't take long for Shane to help him towards the shore and that's where Negan was kneeling with dripping wet skin. His face showed the type of concern that was still off putting for Rick to witness. 

 

 

"You okay? Went for a bit of a swim?" Negan said in a humorous tone.

 

 

 "Ha-ha very funny but I'm okay. What happened to you? I didn't feel anythin' since I was too busy bein' under water." 

   
 

   
"I got stabbed by some glass but the strangest goddamned thing happened. When I checked to see if the bleeding had stopped the wound was gone..almost like I was healed or some shit."

 

 

Shane coughed obnoxiously. "We need to get this show on the road 'cause I ain't got much time to try to keep you safe."

 

 

  
"What do you mean by keep us safe? Why the hell would you help me, Shane? The last time we saw each other wasn't on the best of terms." Rick grimaced at the memory of Shane dying beneath him.

 

 

  
"Oh, you mean when you killed me? C'mon Rick I've had a long time to process that shit alright?" 

 

 

  
That night changed everything for Rick, not just for him but Carl held onto what happened long after it was over. But at the time Rick was only focused on keeping everyone safe. Obviously it didn't erase the pain of having to kill his best friend, the same best friend he'd grown up with.

 

 

 

Rick let out a heavy breath and bit back the emotions swirling inside his chest. "We can't take it back."

 

 

  
Shane rubbed the back of his head, "Unless you can bring me back from the dead then no we can't. Look, I got a lot to explain and we can't do that out in the open so I'm gonna take us some place safe. At least until I can make a deal to get you out earlier than you're supposed to."

 

 

 

"Make a deal? Make a deal with who?" Negan piped in.

 

 

 

"You don't wanna know who." Shane responded back seriously.

 

* * *

 

 

The house that Shane decided to lead them to looked so similar to Hershel's old house that it sent chills up Ricks spine. Once they got to the steps Rick realized that it was the house. But the only difference was that it wasn't real, at least not really.

 

 

  
Rick walked up the rickety white steps with a certain uneasiness rattling inside his stomach. He didn't know what he would find inside, maybe it would be like walking through memories. Or maybe it'd just be an empty house that didn't at all make him think of anything. When he opened the door he got startled by the sound of muffled crying and footsteps.

 

 

  
One of his hands started shaking and that's when Negan grabbed hold of it, he let himself linger in the touch and then shook it away. Rick saw that dangerous look in Shane's eye for a moment that faded when they ventured deeper into the house. Dealing with two hot headed people made for a shitty time. Especially when you pile on the fact that these weren't normal circumstances.

 

 

  
Everything inside the house looked the same, right down to the colors of the walls all the way to the furniture. Rick saw what used to be himself in the corner with Shane. It was the day that Carl got shot by Otis by accident. Seeing that day on the outside was extremely strange. He saw the desperation in his face as Shane pulled him to give him a pep talk. And he never noticed how intimate it looked like from the outside. It was the way that Shane had leaned in just a little closer that made Ricks heart skip a beat.

 

 

  
_Maybe it wasn't at all what it looked like because were just best friends_ , Rick thought to himself before looking over at Shane who cocked his eyebrow at him.

 

 

  
Rick didn't exactly understand why they were at Hershel's of all places but there was clearly a reason.

 

 

  
"You ain't gonna ask me why we're here? Hm?" Shane asked, his eyes were focused solely on Rick.

 

 

  
Negan looked back and forth between the two of them. "Where the fuck are we anyways? This looks like some old ass farm house, is it important to you two ?"

 

 

  
"Our group came here when Carl got shot by one of Hershel's people. He didn't realize that Carl was - he wasn't tryin' to kill him but he almost did. I ran across a field towards the farm house and that's when we met Hershel, Maggie and Beth." Rick said shakily.

 

 

  
"What happened next?" Negan prodded.

 

 

  
Shane scoffed loudly, "You gonna tell him everythin' that happened on the farm? Like how I was made out to be the bad guy when all I wanted was for us to survive. Funny how you basically turned into me as soon you killed me in the field."

 

 

  
"Can we just - can we not do this right now? I need you to tell me why we're here and why we're safe here?"

 

 

  
"We're here so you can see the beginning with a different set of eyes. You may not realize it but the person you turned into is no better than who I was."

 

 

  
Rick narrowed his eyes, "Oh are you kiddin' me, that's complete bullshit! All you wanted to do was be in charge, to have things be the way you wanted to be. That's why you kept messin' with Lori's head and that's why you tried to kill me."

 

 

  
"I didn't mess with her head, Rick." Shane huffed. "She told me to stay - I asked her if she wanted me to stay and she said yes."

 

 

 

Rick looked at Shane with confusion written plain on his face, what the hell was he talking about?

 

 

  
Shane looked down at the floor with an unreadable expression. "Yeah, I guess she never told you that."

 

 

  
"Just cut the bullshit, Shane. Tell me why we're here, now!"

 

 

 

"I already told you so now all you need to do is understand that you ain't the good guy you think you are. That's the whole reason you're in this damn place. This place ain't for people like Beth or Glenn."

 

 

 

"Pretty sure I've suffered enough in this place, so can you make the deal to get us out?" Rick clenched his jaw.

 

 

 

"Yeah Rick, I can do that shit. First we need to talk though, without him in the room." Shane pointed towards Negan.

 

 

 

Negan glared heavily before turning around to walk right out the door and stand on the porch alone.

 

 

 

"I'm surprised he did that without sayin' some stupid shit." Shane mumbled.

 

 

 

Rick let out a brief chuckle, "Trust me he barely goes that long without sayin' stupid shit. He talks too damn much. Why'd you want him to leave the room anyways?"

 

 

  
"We need to talk and I know we won't see each other again after this so say what you need to say and I'll do the same."

 

 

  
"Okay."

 

 

  
"Well?"

 

 

  
"I don't hate you, I never hated you or Lori for what happened before I got back. You both thought I was dead and I know you didn't leave me in that hospital 'cause you wanted to. Whether or not there were real feelings involved I don't wanna know..all I know is that I've never forgotten you. I told Michonne 'bout you actually, told her that I know Judith ain't mine but she's still my daughter."

 

 

  
Shane gulped visibly at the mention of Judith. "You - you named her Judith? What's she like?"

 

 

  
"Actually Carl suggested the name so that's what we named her. She reminds me of Lori some days but when I look into your eyes sometimes I can't help but ..see you. Though I don't know where she got the blonde hair from."

 

 

 

"Heh." Shane chuckled. "I got no clue either."

 

 

  
"What'd you wanna say to me?" Rick visibly noticed how Shane got slightly nervous because of the question. There had to be a reason for that and Rick needed to know what it was.

 

 

  
"Well most of it I said earlier..the one thing that I wanted you to know was um - you know what never mind I think you already know."

 

 

  
Negan interrupted their conversation by storming through the door. "Holy fucking fuck I'm pretty sure Ash is here."

 

 

  
"How do you know for certain?" Rick stuttered.

 

 

  
"Dammit." Shane growled before his eyes went black again. "I'll take care of this shit, just gimme a moment."

 

 

  
Rick stumbled backwards when he noticed the color of Shane's eyes and before he could comment Shane left out the door. His heart was racing like he was on a high speed chase. Was Shane a demon now or was he something else altogether? Trying to figure it out would have to wait.

 

 

One minute things seemed quiet outside until Shane came soaring through the front door. His brown shirt was torn up in the front which revealed pale skin with what looked like a deep gash. 

 

 

"Run, get the hell outta here Rick." Shane groaned while trying to get to his feet. "Don't even wait for Negan, just go!"

 

 

"Now why would he leave behind boyfriend number two?" Ash strolled in looking like Maggie. "Damn daddy's farm looks the same don't it?"

 

 

 

Rick saw Negan hunched him in the corner with a small weapon in his hand. "We're gonna get out whether you like that or not."

 

 

  
"Are you now?" Ash stepped forwards with long strides.

 

 

  
"Yeah, we are." Rick smiled when he saw Negan coming up behind Ash with a vase, though the smile faded when Ash caught his hand.

 

 

  
Ash let out a high pitched scream that even rattled the walls and caused Rick to start bleeding from his ears. "I'm in the mood to have some fun."

 

 

* * *

 

Once Michonne faced the idea that Rick may not wake up, she took an extreme action.With the help of Daryl, Tara and Rosita they attacked the Sanctuary.The plan had taken a fair amount of effort to execute but they were able to lead a horde of walkers to the factory. And not only that but Daryl came up with the rash plan of driving a vehicle into one of the lower levels.

 

 

Michonne thought for a moment that they finally won and they'd finally be okay. That was until she heard a screeching noise like someone was turning on a microphone. 

 

 

  
"I bet you're wondering how we got out." The voice came through loud and clear. "Right now that's not really important, what's important is that you understand us when we say we want Negan back. If you fail to deliver his body to us then we'll blow this community to bits so open up and this won't get ugly."

 

 

Carl gripped Michonne's arm to drag her away from the scene. "We just have to survive the night."

 

 

"We don't have the numbers, your dad is still in the infirmary and we can't leave him here." Michonne croaked. "I don't know what to do."

 

 

"It's okay, we'll make it I know we will." Carl reassured as calmly as he could. "Now c'mon we gotta find the others and get everyone down to the sewers."

* * *

 

 

After the vase fell out of Negan's grip he made a last ditch effort to punch Ash at least once, which failed. He felt sharp nails digging into his wrists which caused both him and Rick to cry out.

 

  
"You weak pathetic little shit." Ash growled out. "Maybe you're the one I shoulda broken while I was inside both your heads."

 

 

  
"Go fuck yourself." Negan spat right into the demon's face.

 

 

  
"I definitely shoulda fucked you right into the dirt like a worthless piece of ass. You know that you'll never be anythin' good right? No one genuinely gives two shits what happens to you, and all those people back home are just usin' you."

 

 

Negan tried to break free from the grip that just got tighter,"Will you ever shut the fuck up?"

 

 

When Ash changed his form into Rick he felt a sickening chill travel throughout him. Why couldn't he appear as anyone else? From the corner of his eye he saw Shane try to intercept them but he was knocked down once more. And then he saw Rick laying on the floor gripping his bleeding wrist.

 

 

  
He didn't know what was more hopeless, the fact that he was even trying to fight off a powerful demon or how he tried to hit that same demon with a vase. What the fuck was he even thinking in that moment? Maybe just the fact that he wanted to keep Rick safe and how he actually care about the guy. In the end it wouldn't matter though because Rick would always hate him deep down.

 

 

  
The moment that Ash let go of his wrist he punched Negan right in the face repeatedly. Negan could barely catch his breath between each punch and that's when the demon put his hands on his face. Just when he thought he would get his eyes gouged he felt one hand press on his jaw and behind his head.

 

 

  
"Do whatever the fuck you're gonna do." Negan sneered. "C'mon you piece of shit."

 

 

  
"Okay." Ash said simply before breaking his neck swiftly. "Done."

 

* * *

 

  
When Rick started to come to he saw Shane getting pummeled by Ash who was still appearing as him. There wasn't much he could do besides attempt to distract the demon but that wouldn't help. He saw across the way that Negan was determined to get on his feet.

 

 

  
"Please! I'll go back there for a bit if you just let Rick and that asshole go!" Shane said through clenched teeth.

 

 

  
Ash stopped his assault on Shane's face, "You're really willing to do that shit all over again for the man who killed you and his little boy toy? I'm fuckin' impressed, Shane. Did I ever tell you that you're like Picasso with a razor blade? Oh wait that's someone else."

 

 

  
"C'mon man just let them go..you've broken em' enough so tell him that I'll fuckin' do just please

 

 

  
"This is a stupid decision but since we're gonna have so much fun 'cause of this, I'll let them go."

 

 

  
Rick saw how broken Shane looked, not just physically but emotionally he looked tired like he'd been through a lot even in death. And something told Rick that Shane was going to suffer even more now.

 

 

  
"Don't look so sour, Rick." Ash smirked. "You're goin' home meanwhile Shane will be goin' on a little vacation with me. I'll give you a few minutes to talk and then I'll get you boys back to zombie land."

 

 

* * *

 

  
Ricks final conversation with Shane wasn't all that bittersweet and it just made him feel worse. He made sure that Shane explained some details but in the end he wouldn't get into everything. That left an unsettling feeling inside Ricks chest that he would just have to deal with, there was nothing he could do. After he gave Shane one last hug he got pulled into a quick kiss that he wasn't expecting. When he opened his eyes Shane was gone and it was just him, Negan and Ash.

 

 

No words were exchanged for five minutes, instead it was awkward silence where Ash kept staring at him. Which just made him feel grateful he would never have to see him ever again. They got lead out of the house, down the steps and then the house went up in flames just like that. Rick hoped that Ash would keep the deal or the promise he made with Shane.

 

 

When Ash asked them to cut their palms Rick hesitated but took the knife the Ash offered him anyways. He didn't have much of a choice if he wanted to get back home to his family. In one quick motion he slit his palms and blood dripped down then he passed the blade over to Negan.

 

 

  
"Are you bullshitting us right now?" Negan asked before he slit his own palm. "I really fucking hope not."

 

 

  
"I wish I was bullshitting just so I could rip you apart myself but unfortunately a deal's a deal." Ash shrugged.

 

 

  
"So he's gonna have to torture people for however long you've decided on?" Rick glared at the demon who had no facial expression.

 

 

Ash twitched like he was becoming overly agitated, "That's just the way it is, Rick. I don't make the damn rules and you don't wanna know who does."

 

 

  
"How the hell do we do this? Will is just be like last time?"

 

 

  
"Just press your palms together and I'll whisper the incantation then you'll be right back in Alexandria. What's left of it anyways."

 

 

  
Rick pressed his palm quickly against Negan who cursed beneath his breath. "What the hell does that mean!"

 

 

  
"You'll see." Ash winked before he started whispering some Latin incantation that Rick didn't understand.

 

 

  
Both Rick and Negan started shaking in unison and the last thing that Rick saw was Ash waving deviously at him.

* * *

 

 

  
The air was smokey when Rick opened his eyes in the infirmary, he felt around to make sure that it wasn't some trick. He didn't know what the hell was causing all that smoke but something wasn't right.

 

 

Rick searched the room for Negan and saw him in one of the other beds looking as confused as he was. What the hell was going on and where was everybody?

 

 

Nothing felt right about their current situation and the smoke smelled like it was coming from a fire of sorts. Rick walked over to where Negan was laying to get him to his feet so they could scope out the place. And when they walked outside their eyes went as wide as saucers to find Alexandria on fire. Most of the houses were destroyed, everything looked like it was in ruins.

 

 

 _Maybe everyone got out okay_ , Rick kept repeating to himself internally.

 

 

"We have to get the fuck outta here! This place is burning like a motherfucker!" Negan exclaimed.

 

 

  
"What if one of my people is hurt or dyin'? Am I just supposed to -" Rick stammered, he wanted to throw up but he couldn't afford to be weak right now.

 

 

  
"I'm sorry but Rick you won't be any good to anyone if you're fucking dead! Let's go see if we can find anyone lurking around."

 

 

Walking through the community made Rick doubt even more that everyone was safe because there was no one in sight. It looked like they went to war again and he had no idea if they still had the numbers. He kept calling out for random people just to see if anyone would hear him. And yet no one answered back.

 

 

  
"Carl! Michonne! Daryl! Rosita!"

 

 

  
"No one's fucking answering, Rick!"

 

 

  
Rick tackled the older man despite his lack of strength, "Your people fuckin' did this!"

 

 

  
"Get the hell off me, you fucking prick!" Negan rolled them both over so he was on top. "Why don't we go check your place?"

 

 

  
They ran over to Rick's house which wasn't too far away and Rick stumbled through his front door. He kept calling out for Carl, Michonne and Judith just for good measure.

 

 

  
"You know what? That shit you pulled a moment ago won't fucking fly now that we're back." Negan said darkly. "I mean I thought after we fucked you'd at least be civil once we got home."

 

 

  
"Not a goddamn chance." Rick countered.

 

 

  
"Okay." Negan slammed Rick into the wall with very little effort.

 

 

  
"It ain't the damn time for this!"

 

 

  
"Actually it fucking is 'cause you know what I'm sick of it. Soul bond or not, we're right back to being full on enemies, enough of that touchy feely bullshit.

 

 

Negan had no fucking clue where Lucille was and he hoped they didn't throw her out. He growled as he pulled Rick back by his legs and lifted him onto his feet just to throw him towards the table.

 

 

  
"Did you ever shut the hell up?" Rick glared at him.

 

 

  
"Nope!" Negan went to grab him again only for the younger man to move out of the way.

 

 

  
"Enough! I need to find my people and you need to fuckin' stop this! We've been through enough already just please stop."

 

 

  
"You just need to remember that this war is far from over. I ain't gonna let my feelings for you get in the way of what needs to be fucking done. It's either your people get in line again or -"

 

 

  
"Or what?" Rick lifted himself off the edge of the table and stepped to him. "Do you really wanna go back there?"

 

 

  
"No but I doubt this time either of us will survive."

* * *

 

Of course last time Rick remembered the last resort plan that they had just in case this type of thing happened. He opened the drain hole to the sewers and didn't even bother getting concerned with the rancid smells. The only thing he was genuinely focused on was seeing if everyone was still alive and sure enough they were.

 

 

  
The looks on their tired faces was enough to bring him some joy but that joy faded slowly. No one was getting up to talk to him or say they were relieved that he was home. Rick kept walking past everyone then saw Judith in Daryl's arms. He got nervous when he saw Carl in the corner and he was laying there like he was hurt.

 

 

  
Michonne was quickly at his side and gripped tight to his hand. "Oh my god, how are you awake?"

 

 

  
"That ain't important right now, Negan's only here 'cause I couldn't leave him out there." Rick looked over at Negan who gave him a look.

 

 

  
"What the hell's wrong with the kid?" Negan looked at Carl with a genuine concern.

 

 

  
"Someone bit him, we don't know who. I think he's just disoriented or just thinking that he saw -" Michonne responded back.

 

 

  
Carl shook his head slowly, "She's scared it's a walker bite but the person that bit me wasn't dead, they - they spoke to me."

 

 

  
"Spoke to you." Rick squinted his eyes. "Are you sure?"

 

 

  
"Yeah, I'm 100% percent." Carl winced. "They said they were coming for us."

 

 

 

"The walkers? Kid you're not making much fucking sense right now." Negan leaned against the wall.

 

 

 

"I don't think you guys understand, they weren't walkers..this person looked like one but they were human. They lunged at me to scare me I think and bit me."

 

 

  
Rick looked between Michonne then Negan who was equally as scared about what this meant. He truly didn't know what to focus on right because he was still trying to handle the trauma he'd experienced.

 

 

  
_How bad could it be?_ Rick thought to himself as he looked over Carl's bite that definitely looked too shallow to be anything but human.

 

 

  
"I'm sorry that I left you there." Michonne croaked.

 

 

  
"It's okay, I'm back now and it's gonna be okay." Rick squeezed her hand a bit tighter.

 

 

  
When he glanced over at Negan who quirked his eyebrow at him like he was trying to say something without saying it. Rick had no energy to get into what would happen next, all he could do was focus on right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully everyone appreciated that i decided not to be an goddamn idiot (like Gimple was) & kill Carl since i'm still in shock.


End file.
